2015, a Retrospective

I'm sitting here, sipping coffee and thinking about what I want to, what I need to say for my year end post, and I'll tell you, it's not an easy task. But here I go, also, every year end retrospective needs inspiring music behind it, so please follow this link and listen to this in the background as you read this.

It's really hard to do a whole year justice, because it's a huge chunk of time. It's really easy to let bad things spoil the good things, and forget that they ever happened. So I'm not going to do that, I'm going to try and give the most positive look back at 2015 that I can, because truthfully it was a good year, and a lot of good came out of it. And because of this year I'm a better man, so here you are, 2015. This one is for you.

So let's start out with this quote.

Add caption

And this was said by my lovely friend Ilana Wallenstein. Co-founder of the Honest Beauty Project, which takes pictures like these

I took this one I am so proud.

And uses the pictures to help instill a new definition of beauty into the public conscious, about one that is more than just physical features, but one of character and depth. Please read more into this.

Now back to the quote. I really think I'm a good person, I work really hard at being a good person. I want to be the kind of person people are proud to introduce to their friends and their loved ones. I want to be the kind of person people look up to the kind of person that people just stand around and go "You know, that Bailey guy, what a guy." And I want to be the best me that I can be. And I think 2015 was a lot of me growing into that. I saw this comic written by this tumblr user and it really spoke to me. It really meant something to me.

And it really helped to hear that, because I don't quite know who I am yet. I'm just 17 years old, and while that is some time to be kicking around, I don't think I'm fully formed yet. I still have a lot of growing to do, and a lot of time to do it. And I think, no, I know that I am a good man. I believe after all these years I can say that I am a good man. And it's been a hell of a journey to get to being a good man, I think I've gotten there. I think I have out grown my more negative attributes that have plagued me in the past, and I can finally say with certainty that I am a good man. And I think next year, I can be even better.

Now let's do some looking back at 2015, if you haven't figured out by now this is going to be a lot of pictures because while a good man I am a narcissistic one and I take a lot of pictures of myself.

I performed in Carnegie Hall

I had one of my biggest roles to date in a show

Went to another country

Saw my favorite band live

Got the master sword and took the only good side view pic of me there is.

Took weirdly homoerotic photos with my friends

Saw 13

Sang one of my favorite solos ever (PC George Cannon Images)

Wrote a script

Died a bit

Learned to play bass

I was link

Met this sweet parrot

Was a superhero 

Was Marty McFly

I was serenaded by the lead singer of my other favorite band

Got my head in the game

AND I SAW STAR WARS

And in between these photos so many other things happened, I crowd surfed I ran lights for a professional show, I rode a zipline nearly a mile long, I got good grades in school and I did so many other wonderful things I can't even begin to recall. There are just so many experiences I'm thankful for. And I'm thankful for the person I have become, and I'm thankful for the people who came with me on my adventures this year.

 Does this mean I'm now going to do a bunch of pictures of my friends where I thank them a bunch? You bet your sweet ass I am.

LET'S DO THIS

Hey, Erik and Luke.

I love you guys, I really do. You guys are always paying for me with stuff and always helping me out and taking care of me when I mix up, you're the best straight gay parents a boy could have. And I'm really thankful to have both of you in my life. You two are always there with a Gamerfuel and a quick joke to brighten my day. I will always have your backs. Love you guys <3

Us protesting the dress code together

Hey, Tyler, I hope you didn't think I forgot about you.

Tyler, you're the middle ground in the friend group that we all desperately need as a pack of human extremes you service to level us out and you do a lot of good for us in the friend group. Also as a friend you're always there for that hug when I have emotionally emptied myself or I didn't get the lead in the fall school play or maybe when the gym coach won't stop telling me why he's so cool You're always there even in a brown Banana situation and I could not have gotten through 2015 without you. <3

Jeffrey and Marissa.

Hey guys, I'm switching up the format here. Remember that time I came to you because I was questioning my sexuality? Well that was 2014, but remember that time I figured out I was Bisexual over the summer? That was pretty cool. Remember how I just came out as Bi to the whole internet? That's also pretty cool. You guys were the first to know, which is why I waited until now to tell the whole internet. Hey internet, I hope you guys are cool with this. <3 Jeffrey and Marissa, I love you guys, thanks for everything. See y'all in 2016.

Okay, quick aside to talk about the whole bisexual thing. No it doesn't mean I love Caitlin any less, she knows and she is okay with it. Also Yes, I am the guy who has had a million girlfriends so what does that teach you about judging a book by its cover, eh? Maybe some things take time to really figure out. I guess I waited this long to tell everyone because truthfully I'm really afraid of how people are going to react. Like I don't want this huge freak out, it's not that big of a deal, the fact that most of you didn't know goes to show that this doesn't change who I am. No I have not dated a dude, but I have kissed one. And well, there is always gay porn. Oh god, family I'm so sorry you just had to read that. Oh well, you all knew anyway. I added this in here because I feel like it's a disservice to the year if I don't talk about one of the biggest personal things I have found out about myself this year. Also, Mom, Dad, maybe you got the straight child with Max. Thank you all for loving me and supporting me, I hope you all enjoy the rest of this post as I thank a bunch more people.

Also Jack, now your joke is correct.

Hey Jesse, we didn't meet all that long ago, but from the moment I met you you were a remarkably cool dude. You came and saw 13, you drive me to wings, you have saved my ass, and you're just one of the best people I have met in 2015, you're a huge teddy bear of a man and you're just one of the best men I know all around. Thank you for all that you have done for me in the few months that I've known you and I can't wait to see what we do in 2016. Wings? <3

Natasha And Zozha

Sha Zha pronounced the same way, spelled differently, don't know why it took me this long to figure that joke out. Anyway, you guys brought me like 24 roses to 13, (damn it 13 will not stop coming up) and you two have like everyone else on this list, loved and supported me, more so than I might have deserved at times. It's been a wild year, with a lot of shit going down. But we have made it through, and I could not have without you guys. You guys are always making sure I'm okay and always knowing when I'm totally lying to you guys about being okay. And always available for those hugs when I'm lying. Thank you guys, Happy New Year. <3

Ilana,

So basically you were the last person I ever thought I'd call my best friend because you're way cooler than me, but when it happened, it seemed so obvious that it was harder to believe it hadn't happened sooner. It's really easy to be around you and talk to you because we understand each other well enough to know that even though we do lousy things sometimes we're still really good people. I'm always going to be here for you, if you ever get back from Chile that is. And I know you're always going to be here for me. I can't wait to see you again in four months. You owe me dinner, I won the bet. And I'll literally see you in 2016, like legit not until then. Anyway, have fun and get home safe. I'll see you when you get home. <3

Reanna,

You have shown me such kindness and compassion in the last year that I don't know how to properly thank you. You have been here for me and allowed me to ruin an otherwise romantic night of you and Luke with my sadness. And even after that you gave a worry stone which I still carry with me everywhere I go in the front pocket of my jacket. You have been there for me in a way I didn't think my best friend's girlfriend would have to be. And while that sounds like a weird sentence it's not. I know I'm not always your favorite of Luke's friends, but your kindness has meant the world to me and I can never repay you for it. The Red suit is totally worth it, trust me. Happy New Year, Reanna.

Nicko,

You're another person I met in 2015, I met you a few times in person, but our first moment together was when you became my cover photo as a young child. Then we became closer and shared many meals of wings together and long nights with many adventures. And though I've only known you for a brief period of time, I can't wait to know you for so many more years. I'm so honored at how included you have made me felt in your friend group and in your life and I am so thankful for your hospitality and generosity. Auld Lang Sine, or something, right?

Ashley,

Ash, you came all the way from Hell, I mean Ohio, to surprise me on my 17th birthday and see my show, and that was one of the best gifts anyone has ever given me. I can't stress enough how thankful for you I am. You're always just a text away with calming words or cynical wisdom. And with your Berning political opinions I know I am just a minute away from a great political discussion. Or maybe just a chat about life. You're the tops, Ash. Never forget that. Feliz navidad? 

ANNIE!!!

HEY, THIS POST HAS BEEN IN THE PROCESS OF BEING WRITTEN FOR TWO HOURS AND I'M KINDA GOING INSANE RN!!

Anyway, Annie, I love you so much and we have so many great moments and adventures and you have done so much for me I cannot even begin to thank you. As someone who will always drive me places even to Hell, I mean Ohio again, We have spent countless hours together adventuring and you have spent countless listening to my music, and I have spent countless hours listening to Fall Out Boy, together we make a killer team and I cannot begin to thank you for the love you have shown me over the years. Something about Kwanza.

IAN

Ian, you're my protege, and I am so proud of the young man you have grown into. You're smart, clever, funny as all hell, and a great friend. We have been in different countries together, in NYC together, and we have worked together for the last year, and though we have had our ups and downs, you are one of my closest friends and I think the absolute world of you. Thank you for putting up with my this year, I know I'm a lot to listen to. Especially when I'm always trying to tell you what to do. You're a good man and I'm proud of you and I can't wait to see what 2016 holds for you. Namaste.

ELI

Eli you are a demi god and you have the soul of a champion. You're a dedicated worker and a strong man, both physically and emotionally. We always have the best talks about comics and super heroes and I can't wait to continue them in 2016 with things like Batman V Superman and also Civil War, the year is hype for superheroes and so am I. I'm also very proud of you acomplishments including becoming an eagle scout and generally being a bad ass sergeant. Godspeed, Eli. Have a great new year.

JORDAN, ALEX, AND CURTIS

Though I have never met you guys in real life, your love and support in the Mutual Admiration Society had been one of the constants in my life, not only in this last year, but in the last several. Our hours on skype, and our photoshops and debates on pop culture, our support for each others as creators and consumers is one thing that brings joy to my life every day. And while I don't have a picture of the four of us together, I do have this sweet photo that I believe Alex made so I'll use that. Thank you guys so much for everything. So long and thanks for all the fish.

NICK

Nick my son. You're the coolest kid, a great drummer, and a great dancer, and I cannot thank you enough for saving my ass on Wednesday. You're a great kid and you have done so much for me and you're just a talent powerhouse in general. You have such an incredible future ahead of you I can't wait to see it. And though you're just 12 years old and just getting started, you have a blindingly bright future ahead of you. I'm so proud of you. Joyous candlenights, nick.

13 strikes again

Camryn.

Today is your 16th birthday and although I wrote something on your wall I'll say it here again. You're my least problematic fave. You're a wonderful girl who has the world to offer to anyone you choose. And I can't wait to see you in 2016. In 2015 I saw you come out to the world, I saw you audition for the High School show, and I saw you just generally be one of the most genuinely amazing people I have ever met. Camryn, you're the best. Don't ever ever forget that. Please, happy new year and happy birthday, Camryn, I love you, sis. <3

Caitlin.

OH god, you're going to talk about a girlfriend again?? God I hate you Bailey, is this one like all the others? Where we'll read you cry in two months.

No, she isn't I promise you, blog, this is the last girlfriend I will ever write about.

Caitlin, we're in two shows together, you have put of with my rampant, obnoxious behavior, and you're so wonderfully accepting of my bisexuality, and just everything about me, I can't thank you enough for all the wonderfulness you bring into my life. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm really glad you got to meet my family and I know they loved you. I also know New Years is your favorite holiday which is why you're also in this post, not just because you have been a huge part of my year. And while I don't know what we are doing for new years yet, (suggestions anyone?) I know it's going to be wonderful to have it with you. Happy New Year, dear.

That's it.

That is everyone I have to thank and everything I have to say about 2015. It's been a hell of a year and I cannot stress enough how much everyone has helped make it a great year. I was wrong for ever doubting 2015, over the last 129 minutes and 20 seconds I have spent writing this post (That's 40 plays of Ecstasy of Gold, if you were wondering) I have been reminded how wonderful 2015 was and how great this year was for me. All the amazing things I have accomplished and done and all the amazing friends I have had to help me along the way. I know I didn't thank any adults in this post and that not because there aren't any, but I just wanted to focus on my friends in this one. I hope the adults in my life know how much they have helped me and how much I love them too. Maybe there will be another post. Well, not one for this year anyway. But Thank you all so much for reading this and supporting me. Thank you for the 10,00 views and thank you for the nice comments and the love I have received. 

Happy New Years.

See you again in 2016

Love,

Bailey S. Fox <3

Advent Calendar 25/25

I do believe this will be my second to last post for the year, the only other one I plan on writing in a full on retrospective for the year, but that won't be for a few days.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Joyous Candle Nights!

Belated Hanukkah!

Happy Kwanza.

Happy Early Boxing Day.

Anyway, Christmas is as I've mentioned is my favorite holiday. I really like surprises (Hint Hint, Birthday, Wink Wink, March 20th)

Anyway, I'm not sure what to write, I've written so much this last month, it's kinda crazy. I'm so Thankful for you guys and everything but I've said that.

I guess I'm just going to say Merry Christmas.

I'll see you guys one more time before 2016.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

See y'all on the flip side.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 24/25

So I'm going to see Hamilton on Broadway this summer.

HYPE

Thank you so much to my grandparents.

I think I found my Christmas spirit. And I didn't find it in the gifts or the roast beast. I found it in the people around me. I found it in the joy and love in the room. The excitement in the air before gifts. The love behind the gifts, the generosity. The music in the air, the specials on TV. The love between people. I've been so busy and stressed the last few weeks I was unable to see what was in front of me the whole time,

People love me and I love people.

And to all my people out there, I love you and I'm always thinking of you and trying to be the best me I can be for you. I want to make you all proud of me. I'm just a kid trying to do the best that I can because so many people are behind me and support me and make so many sacrifices for me, and I want your sacrifices, your investments in me, I want them to mean something. I love you all.

Christmas is a special time of year for people, me too. And it's because it's a time where it's encouraged to be loving, and put aside personal agendas.

I used to be a very selfish and angry young man. Back when I started this blog, I was closed off and cynical. I wasn't optimistic and loving and caring as I could have been, but then this blog became more than me, people started responding so positively, people started talking about how much this meant to them and how much it helped them, and then this blog, it became more than just me. And I started to open up, like a flower first experiencing warmth after a long cold winter. 9th grade Bailey had had the world pulled out from underneath him, and that lead to a pretty messed up 10th grade Bailey, a Bailey who was angry and scared and broken more than he knew how to deal with. And then this blog happened, and the people in his life didn't give up on him. And he grew into 11th grade Bailey, who kept trying. And Now he grew into me. And I'm just a kid trying to do the best I can. I grey past my tragedy, past my anger, pain, and fear. I grew to face my self loathing and maybe even past it to a certain degree. I'm now a man who is more in control of his life than he ever knew was possible. And I'm doing so many things that I never thought I'd do or be able to have, and it's because of the people in my life who love and support me. Thank you, thank you all.

I love you.

Happy Holidays.

Love,
Bailey S. Fox

Advent calendar 23/25

I'm currently writing this at a party while listening to To Pimp A Butterfly.

I am a social butterfly.

To Pimp a social butterfly

I premiered my new song today, it went really well. I'm really thankful that it did. Actually it might not have. I was wearing sunglasses and couldn't see five feet in front of my face, so if the audience hated it I couldn't tell at all. But they clapped so that was cool.

I'm thankful for all the people in my life who helped me out to get the performance together. It means the world to me that people loved me enough to help me get this together. And how I love never be who reads this blog everyday.

I'm really just thankful for everyone in my life who loves me. I never can thank any of you enough.

I'm going to go party now.

As in suck ass at halo.

Love you all, happy holidays

❤
Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 22/25

I'm really tired.

I have one day in between me and Christmas, and out of that day I have like 3 periods of actual classes where I'll do something. And then I have like one period in which I will be anxious as hell because ya know, premier of my new song and another solo and it's quite terrifying. Like the last thing I want is frigging freshman on facebook talking about how dumb I look. I then have a Christmas party where I'll have to give a guy I don't really know a secret Santa gift and I'm afraid he might not like it. But I hope he does because I like when people like their gifts. I like giving things. Maybe someone looks at this blog as a gift. I hope so.

I hope this blog helps people and they like it. I only have three days of this left, and I hope that people really liked it. I hope that this advent calendar was something people looked forward to.

My hair is getting longer and curlier. Like it's amazing to me the amount of hair I have. It keeps me warm. Though I haven't really had to because it's been pretty warm lately.

I'm kinda bummed. I'm still not in the Christmas spirit. And I really want to be. But something is always keeping it away from me. I don't know what it is. But I just haven't felt it. Maybe I'll feel it tomorrow at the world frigging premier of a song I wrote and my first live performance of a song I wrote ever. I'm so afraid. Like I really am. I perform all the time but this is a little more personal. And I'm still weary from Monday.

I also want to preface that I will still put all of my heart and soul into the show and how grateful I am that I was cast in the show <3

I think that's all for tonight. I'm exhausted.

Happy Holidays,

Love,

Bailey S Fox

Advent calendar 21/25

So

I didn't get it.

I didn't get the role.

Quite honestly I'm crushed. I really thought I'd get it.

But I didn't.

And I kept a stiff upper lip (Come see Crazy for You) through out the day, and a mile of the school I started crying in my friends car. And it's embarrassing because it's not the end of the world I didn't get the lead in my high school show, but it really weakened my confidence. I put four prior years of my life working up to this, and I thought I'd get it, and I didn't. And Like there are a lot of shitty thoughts running through my head, like maybe I'm not good enough. And maybe I'm good enough to be a side character and have a solo, but I'm not good enough to carry a whole show. And maybe I'm not good enough to make it in the real world. Like people always tell me how good I am but then I never get the roles. And It's hard, because I work my ass off. Shows are my top priority in my life, and I can't quite get it, I can't get the lead. It's heartbreaking. How can I justify sending myself into thousands of dollars of debt if I can't even get the lead in a show? And Like I said previously, I don't want to be that guy, I don't want to be ungrateful, because I got a good role, and I'll have fun and I'll work my ass off. I always do. It just hurts that I didn't get it. People looked me in the eye, and told me they didn't think I'd get Troy, and they were right. And it's so stupid that I can't just get over this. And maybe it's even sabotage that I'm talking about this, but I didn't get it. Again, another year I didn't get the role. It also sucks because I gave up the shot at an equally sized role in Running to Places' production of "Company" just to not get the role that I wanted.

I have one more audition left in my senior year, and it's for Running to Places, and I'm up against a lot of talented people, maybe more talented than I. Considering all my male peers that I'll probably be going against have had their leads, and I haven't. My friend told me that being hurt is like giving birth, the harder you struggle the more it hurts, so it's best to just let the pain wash over you.

I got a good role, and I'm very thankful for it. But It's hard to hear that your time is still going to come when right now your future is still pretty uncertain. I know I'll kick ass and I know High School Musical will be wonderful. I'm just still sad that I didn't get it. I'm sad because I cared about the show and it meant a lot to me, not because I think I'm deserving of it or entitled to it.

I understand my attitude in Freshman year a little more now. Being apathetic was safe, it's so much scarier to care. Because you can't be hurt if you don't care. Caring opens yourself up to being hurt. Oh well, I'll get it next time. I won't become apathetic.

I'm sorry that this post is a bit of a downer. I'm not going to let this failure get the best of me, and I'll give it my all in just a few months for my final auditions. And I'll try and get the lead then. And until then I'll work, I'll work harder than before. And I'll do my best to be the best person on stage. I'll work at the show. So hard, I won't give up on the show because it doesn't star me. I won't let my disappointment become bitterness. I'm proud of my friends for their success and I'm proud of myself for my success. And I'm proud of my sister for getting a role in the show. <3

I wrote this because this is what I feel right now, I wrote this because it's important to know even a cocky son of a bitch likes me fails sometimes. And I'm accepting it with as much dignity and grace as I can.

Thank you for reading, love you all.

Happy Holidays

<3

Advent Calendar 20/25

So yesterday the blog broke 10,000 views.

Actually last I checked it's at 10,546 right now, which means this year has gotten almost triple the views this year than last year. I can't thank you enough, you guys are the most supportive and loving audience I could have asked for.

But why do I do it?

The blog brings me no money, and it takes away from time that I could have spent writing a script or doing school work.

I do it because I love it, and people read it. Yesterday's post got over 500 views, people really felt what I had to say about Han Solo. And People read the posts where I'm really get into it and deconstruct myself and break down the breakdowns and I get into the nitty gritty of the existential crisis of adolescence. And I do it because it helps people, and people thank me for it, And it helps me. It's made me a much better writer, I think it's hard to be a good writer and write good characters if you don't understand how people work, and this blog has helped me understand how I work and in turn how others work. And it's helped me write better characters, I think it's made me a better person. I'm here expressing myself on a public forum and it's made me less self conscious how I feel, and I think that's important. As a writer and an actor.

And even with this god forsaken advent calendar, daily writing is such a good thing for me. I think in someway or another I'll keep up daily writing. And I promise here now, that I will on a weekly basis.

God speed you beautiful people, thank you so much.

Happy Holidays,

Love,

Bailey S. Fox 

Advent Calendar 19/25

WARNING THIS POST WILL CONTAIN MAJOR SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS THE FORCE AWAKENS! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS AND YOU CARE ABOUT SEEING IT THEN DON'T READ THIS.

Also I'm 75 views away from 10,000 views, holy shit.

So Star Wars, right guys?

Anyway, this post will actually be an Essay explaining why Han Solo is a good role model for young men and women everywhere. I can't actually explain why he's a good one for woman, because I'm not a woman, but if females read this and agree or feel this or look up to him for the same reasons then I am the last person who would ever tell you no.

There is a romantic idea of growing up to be Han Solo, this gun slinging scoundrel, breaking the law and breaking hearts, exploring the world with his best friend in a really cool space ship. But there is so much more to that character, so much more to him that compressing him down to that archetype is a horrible disservice.

I compressed this image just for that joke

So then, if he is not that, what is he?

At the beginning of A New Hope, that's just what he is, a scruffy nerfherder just trying to make enough money to pay off the intergalactic mafia that's after his head. He unknowingly starts to become one of the most beloved characters in all of modern media. He's smart, sarcastic, but not cold and cruel. Aloof perhaps, even selfish, but not a bad man, he exists in this grey area of morality, chaotic neutral perhaps if we were going to use the D and D alignment chart. God this is the nerdiest thing I have ever written. Anyway, as I was saying, he starts out as this rougish man, just in it for the money, and for most of the first movie that's all he is, but at the end, after we thinks he leaves, here he comes in the nick of time to save the day, and help destroy the Death Star.

At the beginning of The Empire Strikes back he's trying to leave again, but before he does he literally risks his live to go out on an ice planet in a blizzard to save his friend. Like, freezing to death is horrifying and yet Han risks his life to save his friend. After the little attack by the empire and one of the most badass kisses in all of movie history, they escape Hoth into an asteroid fields and Han delivers one of the best lines ever uttered: "Never tell me the odds."  He's able to be badass and cool, cocky and snarky, without being inhuman. He can be a good person and still the coolest man ever. He then flies to Cloud City, where he might be considered a hostile or unwelcome entity due to his past with Lando, but he still goes because he knows it can be a safe place for the people he loves. He's risking himself for them. And even when he is confronted by Darth Vader, he forgoes fear and raises his blaster and fires. He knows it might be fruitless but Han is a brave man of action, he shoots his blaster at the Dark Lord. It's so cool. And then he endures torture, and even though he is broken physically he throws a punch at Lando. He's brave and daring but does not occupy a character type that is unhealthy for young people to look up to. He doesn't exist in this hyper-masculine world where he's afraid to be emotional and show pain. He has shown pain and fear, and yet he is still an action hero, he is the action hero. He then has his scene, where he sacrifices for his friends, he is frozen in carbonite. And he knows that Leia loves him. And he protects Leia and Chewie, in the whole movie, he protects her. He is kind and loving to her, and it's great, he isn't a sexist role and I think that's why he's so easy to look up to. Because he is a wide and complex character that is easy to empathize with.

In Return of the Jedi he expands on this. He is rescued by Leia, which is awesome, take that damsel in distress trope. And even though he is blind he fights as best he can. They escape, he's General Solo, he helps lead the rebellion. He fights on Endor, and he tries to talk to Leia about his feelings but there is the whole, he-thinks-leia-is-in-love-with-luke-but-he-doesn't-know-that-because-she-can't-tell-the-rebellion-that-her-father-is-darth-vader-because-people-don't-wan't-a-leader-that-is-related-to-their-enemy. So that happens, and he tells her she loves her and they save the day and he risks his life again and again for them. And in the end he even is willing to leave because he thinks she loves Luke and he wants her to be happy, which is awesome.

AND NOW WE GET INTO THE SPOILER PART SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FORCE AWAKENS THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO LEAVE.

So Han Solo, my boyhood hero and the whole main focus of this essay dies. He friggin dies. I'm still not over it and I saw the film two days ago. But truthfully him dying is the best ending and the best ending to the character and his arc. In this movie he's an old man back to his old ways, but he is not the same man. From the moment we first see him he is different. He is warm and impressed by Rey, he helps them. He leads Finn and advises them in the ways of who he is. He helps the kids. And it's great. And he sees Leia and you can see the hurt in him, that their son has turned to the dark side. And He's still his cocky action hero, but he's loving and he's warm. He is the Obi Wan of this movie. And he goes out on the bridge, to try ind bring his son home. Because even though his son has gone to the dark side he loves him. He is a father, maybe not the perfect one but he tried. And he goes out onto the bridge to try and bring his son home. He knows there is a really high chance that his son will kill him and yet he goes out to try and save him, because that's what he does. You never tell him the odds, because he is Han Solo, he will beat the odds and save the day. And this time, this very important time he does not beat the odds, and his son stabs him and kills him with his lightsaber. And You see Han's face, and it is not a face of anger or pain, but of love for his son. And he holds his son's face and falls and dies. He goes with compassion, love, and sacrifice. And you see the anguish on everyone's face, including Leia's. And he falls into the pit and that's his end, and it's a noble end. It is the fitting end for Han. At the beginning of his arc he is selfish and lives only for himself, but at the end, he dies for others. He dies because not only is there the remote chance he can save his son, but if he doesn't confront Kylo Ren he will hunt down and kill Rey and Finn, he gives Chewie time to set the charges. He sacrifices himself for the cause and for love. It's the most important and fitting ending for his character.

Han Solo is an iconic hero to millions of people everywhere. And it is because he is a complex and brilliant character. He is rougish and crusading, he adventures and saves the day. And he evolves, he learns to love and feel and sacrifice. But he is still rougish and charming and adventuring and crusading and suave and sarcastic and smart and witty and I could go on and hours talking about him, but the point here is he is a good rolemodel for kids to look up to, and it's because he can be cool and badass but still be loving and caring. And he doesn't have to be some kind of sexist trope, he was the man that set the stage for every other great action hero that would ever exist. And he is someone that can be looked up to without giving kids a bad influence. And it's why he has persisted forever, because there is something in his character for everyone. There is something to look up to. You can never tell him the odds, and even he is tough enough to admit that he loves Leia. And in the end, he sacrifices it all for the greater good.

Advent Calendar 18/25

Only a week left of these to go, no one is more excited by that then I am.

It's almost four in the morning as I write this, I will not be going to bed before school tomorrow, there's too much caffeine in my system, plus bragging rights.

Star Wars was a beautiful film that warmed my heart and so many other things.

I'm still nervous as hell for the cast list, like genuinely afraid. After tomorrow there is no going back, no changing what has happened. Tomorrow is my last shot at the lead before graduating. I know people believe in me, I believe in me. I just hope my belief is not misplaced.

Everything in my body is screaming for sleep, but I'm waiting for that second wind that will power me through until 11 tonight or so. I am writer, read me yawn.

In two hours I'll be getting ready for school, I might spend that time in the shower. Or watching Youtube videos.

The adventure of meeting new people and becoming closer with old friends tonight was an absolute honor and it was so amazing to go see Star Wars with everyone I went with. Thank you all for allowing me this opportunity.

I'll let you know how my day goes.

I am writer, read me roar.

Happy Holidays,

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

Advent calendar 17/25

I'm currently sitting on a bus on my way to my friends house where we will all depart for Rochester, NY to see Star Wars Episode VII.

I have some mixed emotion about this. Tonight was supposed to be for erik and I, we were supposed to see it together, but alas it wasn't meant to be, yet I still go on.

I'm shaking with excitement, though it may be the caffeine I've been considering I won't be sleeping until tomorrow night. Our showing is two hours away, IMAX 3D. It's at 10:30 at night. I'm looking at getting home at 3 AM or so. So I decided to forgo sleep and ride on into the next day, hoping willpower and caffeine get me home safely.

I wasn't going to go to school tomorrow, but the releasing of the cast list has prompted me into going tomorrow, I can't hide and it'd be unprofessional not to be there. I have to go tomorrow and face whatever I've been given, and I'm going to do that on absolutely no sleep, I'm scared too.

I'm done hiding though, I have to face my destiny head on, I'm a grown ass man, its time to meet my maker. I'm opening myself up completely to disappointment and heartbreak. I'm putting so much on both Star Wars being amazing and getting the role in the show tomorrow that I'm giving up an entire night's sleep to make it happen. I hope to have the bravery to do it. And I hope I have the strength to accept the potential disappointment. For it is out if my hands at this point. I'm just here for the ride, and I hope the ride doesn't kick my ass too hard.

I can do this.

I am triumphant.

I am writer, read me roar.

I'll see you all on the other side.

Happy holidays.

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

❤

Advent Calendar 16/25

I am a performer.

It is my nature.

Yet I am a sincere person.

Most people believe these to be opposite, because performers put on personas and costumes and because they become other people. But, a mentor of mine once said: "Acting isn't a lie, it's telling other people's truths." And that really speaks to me, because I never feel like a liar up on the stage, I don't even like to lie to people. I feel like I'm expressing emotions I have felt in my life, I'm telling a story, it might not be mine but it's a story. I draw on things I have felt and experienced in the past and channeling them into new situations. Even when I'm not acting on stage, when I'm singing or playing an instrument, it's a performance, I'm channeling the emotion from the song into the performance, was I mourning a death tonight while performing Lacrymosa? No, not in particular, but I felt the weight and the sadness that the song is expressing, and I channeled that into my singing.

The best actors I've ever known are some of the most genuine and best humans I have ever met. They aren't fake like often portrayed in the movies.

People often assume a lack of sincerity from me because I am a gushing person. I can go on and on about how much I love things or enjoy them or what have you, and they assume my feelings are on supply and demand, the more I say it and provide the less they mean, and to an extent that can be true. But every time I talk about how much I friggin love George Gershwin it is as sincere as it was the last one thousand times and it will be that sincere the next one thousand times. (Come see Crazy for You, January 8-10th)

It is important that despite my often cynical and sarcastic nature people know that I am both often sincere and optimistic. How much I love people and the world and everything. And that's what this blog is meant for. It's supposed to be a behind the scenes look, to see how and why I do what I do.

I said yesterday in one of my favorite blog posts I have ever written (Here) in how I'm done being a tragic person. And I stand by that, it's time for me to be triumphant. I performed my heart out and I worked my ass of to do everything I did tonight and I could not be prouder. I can not thank the people who came to the show and who performed along with me tonight, it's been an honor. Truly. I'm proud of me and who I have become.

I was asked today if I consider myself a journalist of sorts, and I don't. I decided to use the term "Essayist" to describe what I do with the blog and what not, and I think I'm going to stick with that, I liked the way it sounded. Bailey S. Fox, Screenplay writer, essayist, actor, jackass.

I'm so thankful for tonight.

I'm so thankful for the people in my life and those who love me and support me.

Thank you.

I am triumphant.

I am writer, read me roar.


Happy Holidays.

Love,
Bailey S. Fox  <3

Advent Calendar 15/25

I'm a person who has had a lot of shitty shit happen to me.

But I'm not anymore.

So it's time to stop letting that effect me as a person.

I've been cheated on, abandoned, I've had people try to kill themselves, I've been lied to, I've had my will to live eroded from me. I've forgotten who I was and what I stood for at times. But I've come out of that. I have left my tragic phase, and it's time to stop being a person who is a tragedy.

Right now I have a promising future, friends and loved ones who support me. A family that loves me, a lovely and loving girlfriend, hobbies I'm passionate about. And yet I still let my neurosis and my fear and my Pavlovian training from my unhealthy ways and relationships in the past. But I'm not that person anymore, and yet I use my past as an excuse for my ways in the present. And it's time to stop.

There is the acceptable period of time for it to effect me, but I think that time is over, and even if people haven't gotten weary of me doing it, I'm going to stop before they do. I've become my own biggest apologist and it's holding me back. I need to own up to myself and move forward. I have my shit but so does everyone, and I'm still young and still forming but I need to leave the habit behind.

I'm no longer in the unhealthy relationships, and right now my anxiety is manageable and my depression is at bay. So I need to work on coping with them and fighting them. Making them less of an issue. And shed the burdens of the past, it's said, it's done, I can't change it and ruining the good I have in my life now will only put me back where I was.

I cannot be the boy who cried heartache any longer. I had my time, and I need to move forward. I'm just three months out from being an adult and part of that is owning up to my shit. And I'm not always the best person, and instead of owning up to that and dealing with it, I make excuses because of my past. But those I love now should not have to suffer for the sins of my past. I refuse to be for anyone what those in the past were to me. I don't want to be the reason that people are having a hard time getting on with their lives. Right now I'm holding myself back, I don't want to hold anyone else back.

I can form healthy habits to deal with stress and anxiety instead of letting it rule me. I can evolve, because I feel it. I felt it today, that I'm no longer who I was even just a few months ago. And I just have to let the fears of whoever that was go and I can move on. Kinda like a Pokemon, evolving, I came from that smaller weaker thing, but now I'm even cooler. I'm like a magikarp about to evolve into a gyrados. Or maybe like a caterpillar trapped in its chrysalis about to burst forward and be a badass, beautiful butterfly, and I just have to let go the fears of the caterpillar and let myself become whatever and whoever I'm meant to be. I'm done letting those who hurt me, and most of all myself hold me back. This is not only my new years resolution, but just my new goal in life. To move on. I've left the tragedy behind, it's time to let it go and stop obsessing it. I've become less of a man and more of a humanoid conglomerate of tragic backstories, and I'm done. I love you, dear reader. And I love me. Because I don't have to hate myself to be a good writer or a good man. I love me. I love my life and I love those in it. And it's time to stop pissing it away. It's basically the lesson that Joseph Gordon Levitt had to learn in "The Night Before." The past happened, but it does not define me and I'm done letting it.

Happy Holidays.

<3

 Love,

Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 14/25

Can you believe it's been two weeks since I started this horrible trend?

I can.

I sure as hell can.

So, I'm an actor.

And nothing scares me more than auditions. It's like hello humans, I need you to judge me real quick and decide if I'm good enough for this role. Yes, I really want this role but it can be considered impolite to directly ask for the role so I have to hope that you think that I'm good enough for the role I want. And if I'm cast as something else I just have to accept it, it's really shitty to bitch about what role you're cast as.

I had an audition today, it's my final time auditioning for the high school musical, fittingly enough we're doing High School Musical. I really want to be Troy Bolton. Truthfully I just want to be the lead, like I've had large roles several times in my life, but truthfully I just want to be the lead. Not a lead, the lead. And it's probably really shitty of me but I've spent so much of my time as a secondary character, I just want to be the lead. Just once. I think I can do it. My friends think I can. But I know deep down that I probably won't. And it's hard. Like, am I not good enough? Or do they not like me. I work really hard to constantly be better. And I never want to be the person who whines about what they get cast at because those people are literally the worst.

But I want it.

All my friends have had their lead moments. (Or in Erik's case they will)

And unless I direct my own show I'm afraid that no one will think I'm good enough to be a lead. Or they'll type cast me. Or I'll play the dad or the wacky accented character.

I'm such a whiner right now.

The role everyone infamously knows me for is Cord Elam from Oklahoma! because I was him two times in a row. So I went and wrote and essay on why Troy Bolton is the Cord Elam of High School Musical. You can read that essay here.

Like it's a little dumb but I feel like since my director is an English teacher and I'm a writer, like I'm trying to get my leg up. I'm doing whatever I can, I want this.

And I'm so damn afraid.

Because I'm exposing myself. I'm just like "Hey guys, this is what I want, please don't reject me or I will be crushed and I will probably cry."

It's like asking out a girl without knowing if she likes you or not.

Shit it's like I'm in 8th grade again.

God I hope I get it.

Happy Holidays.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 13/25

Right now I'm living on a prayer as I write this.
(Cause I'm half way there)

Anyway, I'm going to talk to you about why the best thing I've done for myself since I started high school is to stop going to dances.

I have not been to a school dance since 10th grade. It was going to be my first dance going with someone, I was going with my friend, wasn't really a date but it was something to do and I wasn't going to be there alone. She left me for a guy who wanted to kick my ass the moment we walked in the door. He wasn't my biggest fan, I dated his ex-girlfriend. I also existed in the headspace that if I didn't go I'd miss some chance with some girls and I'd live the rest of my life alone. It's why I went to parties too. Like I was really afraid that if I didn't go I'd miss the life changing event that every 80's movie with a dance scene had. And I never found those. I stood against the wall until my couple friends would adopt me as their sad child they'd have to chapperone for the night. Or one time an older girl took pity on me and danced with me. But anyway, I'd spend the whole dance (or party) miserable and then I'd go home, having wasted the whole night there instead of watching a movie with one of my guy friends. Or Female friends. Or even just by myself. Literally anything could have been better. But I was so afraid of missing out I'd torture myself with these dances, finally my junior year of high school I had had enough, and since the first dance I was allowed to go to in third grade, I didn't go. And I went to my best friend's house and we stayed up playing video games and watching movies. Slowly poisoning ourselves with artificially flavored sodas and doritos. And we were happy. We wandered the neighborhood and the forests. None of us were on the docket to win homecoming king, and we were alright with that. We enjoyed each other's company. It was what high school was supposed to be about. Memories with friends. Not shitty dances. Now if dances are where you make your memories then by all means go. But don't go because you're afraid not to, because if you go out of a sense of obligation, not a desire to want to go, you'll be miserable the whole time. You'll stand there against the wall drinking that weird sherbet punch and listening to a grown man play the same 10 songs he did last year doing the same job that an ipod on shuffle could do. High school dances are cool if you're like one of four people in the high school hierarchy.

Don't waste your time,

Stay home with friends,

they love you.

You're not missing anything but awkward teenage grinding and that song about having sex, you know the one. The one you always wonder why they play at a high school dance.

Also cotton eyed joe will play and I'm still the only person that doesn't know hoe to dance that. Or the cupid shuffle.


Happy holidays
<3

Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 12/15

Tomorrow I'll have passed the half way point of this blogathon.

Thank god.

Today I'm going to talk about musical theater and emotional expression

Today I was in a discussion with some friends about hoe there aren't that many great songs for guys in musical theater, all of the great, powerful songs are for girls.

And it's weird because usually in the world of media men get the better roles. But We figured it out, all the female songs are about expressing emotion, overcoming opression, having revalations. And the guy songs are more or less about whatever. Like there are a million love songs, but no true expressions of emotion. And that's when we figured it out, all the good songs for men are very fatherly songs (with exception of course, all of these statements have exceptions.) Because in our culture we're only comfortable with men expressing true, sincere emotion and vulnerability if hes a father figure, or he's in love. Girls in musical theater have so many songs about so many things. Astonishing from little women, Mama I'm a Big Girl Now from Hairspray, The I Love You Song From 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the list goes on. But for guys, unless they're being a father they aren't allowed to really emote. Sure there are Exceptions, Chip on my Shoulder from Legally Blonde, literally all of Hamilton, but other than exceptions like that, no one wants men really having those arc, because as a society we aren't comfortable with weak men. And even the female roles are very typical, they fit gender roles so strongly. And it's so wrong. As a writer I try to fix this, I spent a large portion of my script writing making sure I write dynamic and powerful female roles. I try to write complex male characters who feel fear and insecurity. Self doubt. Because I feel these things, and all men feel these things, and we have told people that they can't. And it's wrong, because that creates broken people. Men need to know it's okay to be and feel whatever they want. And that societal masculinity is a destructive and toxic picture. Just like societal femininity is horrible and destructive. Women can be strong and empowered and accomplish things and not have to endure being called a bitch. Men can be afraid, depressed, fashionable, insecure, they can cry, they can compliment men, and not be called pussies, or gay, or whatever slurs people use.

As a culture we are so god damned obsessed with categories that we force people into them. And it's destructive.

I have never been a masculine man, and I'm okay with that. Call me what you want. Tell me how much dick I suck. Tell me how gay I sound, how much of a pussy I am. Because the fact that I can enjoy myself and cry like a man just means I'm more okay with myself than you. And just because I cry and I enjoy things that aren't sports and I think drooling over girls is weird doesn't make me effeminate. It makes me a person. Emotions and traits shouldn't have to have an assigned gender. Our feelings and thoughts shouldn't have to be assigned a gender. It's almost 2016, get the hell over yourself.

And write more interesting roles for women. Make it the norm to fully develop all your characters.

Stop sucking

Happy Holidays

<3

Love,

Bailey S. Fox 

Advent Calendar 11/25

I'm currently sitting in a dark park in Ithaca, writing this post on my phone, waiting to surprise my girlfriend by going to her show without telling her. She told me I didn't have to go once, so I'm going twice. Because I'm not dumb, I know she wants me there.

I think it would kill my mother with how comfortable I am in the city at night, its a dumb teenage faux-invincibillity mentality probably but the city doesn't scare me at night. It used to but I've walked these streets for hundreds of hours, they are my home. Thats so cheesy.

I'm sitting at a bench with graffiti that reads "pause here for pleasant smiles and second chances." On the ground behind the bench. It's very comforting to read.

I used to fear being alone, I was afraid that I'd miss something. That by not constantly talking to someone I'd miss something. But in doing that I so grossly missed the world that I exist in. There are so many beautiful people in my life, but sometimes I obsess so much about them I forget that I exist. And I run until I breakdown and then they need to take care of me. Sometimes for months. And then as soon as I'm up and moving I'm back to obsessing about them.

Wash
Rinse
Repeat.

But here I am, comfortably in a relationship, taking care of myself, living my own life while loving another. I've been accused of codependency many a time in my life, and I have no real argue against that, until now. At least I think so. And you, dear reader, may be wondering why I'm talking so happily about independence and  individuality while in a relationship and you might worry over the status of our relationship. We are wonderful, thank you for your concern ❤

I just feel more comfortable in my singularity than I have before. Which I am thankful for.

I walked down the commons today. Christmas light abound. Ice sculptures lit up so pretty. "All I want for Christmas is you" playing loudly. And yet it was hard to feel the Christmas in the air, maybe it was the fact that it was 60 degrees out.

I went for a nice hike today through Cascadilla park. I was alone aside from the occasional bystander. It was nice, comforting in a way. The water rushed by me. My heavy breathing due to my lack of physical physique. The quite clatter of rocks occasionally falling. It was peaceful. It was beautiful. I felt reinvigorated. I felt calmer than I had all week. Maybe that's why I'm able to sit here and write, killing time until I go see Caitlin's show. I'd have bought her flowers, but I'm over achieving and starting my job as a starving artist early.

Happy holidays

❤

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 10/25

Is anyone sick of these yet?

I'm so overtired and stressed. I really hate letting people down and I'm afraid I am always, I commit to do so many things and I want to do so many things but right now I'm so overworked and frenzied and don't even know what to do. I spend all day stressed and then all night tired and useless. I just want everyone to know I'm doing my best, I really am.

I want to thank all the people who are helping me keep going forward as I just embody stress. Really I have to make it to next Friday and I'm golden, I'll see Star Wars and my heart will go out and then I can finally relax.

I don't know what to write about.

I've started reading the 800 page behemoth biography of Alexander Hamilton, it's dedicated to the author's wife with the words "To Valerie, best of wives and best of women" I really like that line.

I'm just pages in and the author, very intelligently I think, starts our story with Hamilton's widow, Eliza, (The second one to sing in the Schuyler sisters triad) and it's heartbreaking to read. Like I'm a little teary eyed reading this.

I use the word like too much, I am akin to a stereotypical tv teenager. It's a little embarrassing, truthfully, as I pride myself on eloquence . And with the word "Like" breaking the flow and making me seem foolish.

I think I'm done writing for tonight.

I'm going to sleep forever now.

Happy Holidays

Love,
Bailey S. Fox

Advent Calendar 9/25

Today I'm going to discuss my top 15 albums of 2015 and this one is going to be a quick one because I have no focus because I am stressed af right now.

Also the font changes in this half way through and I have no clue how to fix it and I'm so sorry.


IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

1)Glitterbug- The Wombats
2) E*MO*TION- Carly Rae Jepsen
3)So There- Ben Folds
4) Evermotion- Guster
5)Dapamine - B(O with a slash through it) RNS (BORNS)
6) Hamilton Soundrack
7) No Cities to Love- Sleater Kinney
8) Goon- Tobias Jesso Jr.
9) 25- Adele (Which Tobais Jesso Jr. wrote for)
10) Return to the Moon- EL VY
11) Algiers- Algiers
12) To Pimp a Butterfly- Kendrick Lamar
13) Poison Season- Destroyer
14) Ratchet- Shamir
15) Girls in Peacetime Want to Dance- Belle and Sebastian

Glitterbug is an emotional powerhouse of an album. With the lyrics just as stream of consciousness and just barely on the verge of coherent thought as the prior albums. The lyrics speak to the socially awkward life of a rock star. And they're beautiful. From songs about emojis to toxic relationships the album, and the band hold a special place in my heart. What it lacks in the punchy punk rock of the first album it makes up for in the lyrical beauty and the diversity of songs. From the screams of Emoticons to the broken heart sparseness of Isabelle, the album is a work of art.

E*MO*TION is everything a pop album needs to be. It's fun, it's easy to listen to, it's upbeat. It's everything I loved about 1989 without my little brother screaming it off key while I'm trying to sleep. There isn't anything truly profound about the album but I still think it's a pop work of art. With fun, poppy, upbeat lyrics and the feelings of being a teenager on the run from the world. It's wonderful and I love it.

So There is probably my favorite thing Ben Folds has ever done. Having been a Ben Folds fan for five or so years, this album feels like a culmination of everything he has been working towards, it's poignant with his usual themes of growing old and failed relationships, but in this beautiful orchestral package. Capable of Anything is just one of the best songs I have ever heard. So There is deceptively up beat sounding while dealing with a truly sad topic. And the Symphony at the end is to die for. Ben Folds has truly outdone himself.

Evermotion was probably the album I was most afraid of, I loved Guster so much, and I was so afraid that the album would be bad. I blame Bruce Springsteen for this irrational fear. The album was a return to form of the ethereal lost feelings of Ganging up on The Sun, which is a personal favorite of mine. And in concert Guster was one of the most amazing live shows I have ever seen. Highly recommend seeing them live and also just listening to them.

I'll still never be over the fact this happened

Dopamine is a power pop album for the ages. I originally found out about him through Taylor Swift's instagram. The album is a trip of just huge orchestral electronic music. With catchy lyrics and brilliant songs. I can't say enough nice things about this album. I feel like I'm running out of steam, I've been at this for almost an a hour and I've only covered five Albums. AHhhhhh

HAMILTON IS THE MOST AMAZING SHOW EVER AND I WOULD LOVE WHOEVER BOUGHT BE TICKETS TO GO SEE IT FOREVER AND EVER. Actually my girlfrend went and saw it and got me a signed playbill which is one of my prized possessions. The show is about founding father Alexander Hamilton and his rise from zero to hero. As someone who has felt like an underdog and not quite in place, the album speaks to me. I'ma little fiesty at times and maybe too loud for my own good. But Hamilton proves that even the poorest of the poor can change the world with their mind and their words.

No Cities to Love is a wonderful punk album by Carrie Brownstein from Portlandia which is something I never knew about the comedian/actress. The band is punk enough to be punk but light enough to feel like I don't need to shop at Hot Topic to listen to them. With a lovely weird album cover. No Cities to Love is the pure angst of the 90's for someone who wasn't done shitting his pants to experience them.

To Pimp a Butterfly isn't an album, it's a manifesto. A revolutionary rap album, coming from someone who doesn't often consume rap albums, it's one of the realest, most honest, and just brutal albums I have ever heard. Talking about what it was like growing up in Compton, the mystical powers of yams and just honestly one of the best albums released this year. And it should with Album of the year, I love 1989 to death, but truthfully what To Pimp a Butterfly has done is just breathtaking and powerful and it deserves the Grammy. Especially if the Grammys want to avoid the controversy they found themselves in last year.

Goon is one of the most amazing albums I have herd this year. With the weird idiosyncrasies like the trombone from the song Hollywood. To the pure heartbreak on the song How Could you Babe. The album isn't complex or flashy, but what it is is well written, powerful and really god damn enjoyable to listen to. Like an even sadder Ben Folds Tobais Jesso Jr. plays his heart out on the piano until you feel like you could cry for an eternity. 

25 will make you miss exes that you never had, help you survive Thanksgiving, and just generally be a kickass album. It makes sense that Tobais Jesso Jr. Helped write music for this album because he and Adele share a knack for making you miss the past and just experiance constant heartbreak. Even when you're happily in a relationship. My one bad habit with Hello is that I sometimes segue into the song Hello by Lionell Ritche which I accidentally sing to the tune of Careless whisper, because I'm a god damn mess of a man.  

Return to the Moon is all the melancholy of the National just more absurd and less of serious. Songs like I'm the Man to be are an off kilter adventure into this weird imagined sleazy world of out narrator. And Return to the Moon sounds like it fits in on an earlier National album. It's also just a beautiful album, much like what the National have done before. Yet it's a little less clean and a little more sparse, maybe harsher and a little rougher. Yet still just as wonderful and polished as other works by the artists on different projects, such as the National.

Algiers is one of the heaviest, saddest, angriest albums I have heard all year. It's just pure pain, misery and brutality. And it's wonderful. It's like the gospel from hell. The singer is truly brilliant at conveying the pain and anger he feels at whatever he is singing about. Angry hymnals, brutal sermons, hell rains down upon the sinners. It's clear where the inspiration from traditional gospel music is drawn upon and utilized. And even inspirations such as Tom waits and Nick Cave are obvious in this angry powerhouse of an album.

Poison Season is a wonderfully weird baroque pop album that while the vocals are weird the beautiful instrumentation and the beautiful lyricism warms your heart. Even with songs like Hell is an Open door which sounds like it might fit in a Pixar film. And songs like Dream Lover are just power plays that astound and amaze you each time with their lively and powerful ways.

Ratchet might be one of the weirder albums on the list, falling in some kind of Hip hop, dance, rap album that defies true genre and is one of my favorite things to listen to this year. And while it might not be for everyone, the clever and catchy lyrics make the album one of the best, and the beautiful and poppy instrumentation make it a dance masterpiece

Girls in Peacetime Just Want to Dance isn't my favorite Belle and Sebastian album, but it does deserve a space on this list, because with the song writing, Belle and Sebastian didn't and have never really let me down. With their funny little stories they wrap in their poppy little packages the album delivers an enjoyable listen start to finish, it was also one of the first albums I bought and listened to in 2015, further cementing its place among my favorites of this year. Belle and Sebastian are one of my favorite bands and even if this album doesn't suit your fancy, I guarantee they have a song you'll love.


So that's my 15 favorite albums of the year, which I know some of you will disagree. Well, let me know what your favorite albums this year have been in the comments. Honorable mentions include Carrie And Lowell which I truthfully haven't listened to enough of to really talk about so I didn't feel right adding it to the list (Sorry, Erik.)
Anyway I hope you all enjoyed the post

Happy Holidays


Love

Bailey S. Fox