The Man in the Mirror

So before I get to the meaty emotional part of the blog I want to address a few things.

Yes, Michael Jackson references are cliche but who really cares?

Yes I know the blog posts have been erratically placed and not as deep as usual and far apart and I'm sorry.

Finally "Shake it Off" By Taylor Swift is probably the single greatest song to have ever existed and if you don't think so then you're wrong.

Now, to the good stuff.

I've mentioned my issues with self loathing before but I'm gonna address a slightly different part and I'm gonna talk about how I see myself.

I like to imagine myself as kinda like a cowboy or a lone knight wandering, fighting the world, fighting injustice and the man. Like Han Solo or something. Always delivering snappy one-liners and being really cool and smart and callous on the outside but caring deep down. I want to imagine that I'm very scholarly but in like an Indiana jones way, basically I want to be the characters Harrison Ford portrays.

Now I know I'm not, but that's the problem, I know I'm not. I know, or I think all I am in the end is an out of shape geeky kid with a superiority complex and an ego fit for three.

There are people I want to talk to and people I want to have friendships with or date or whatever, but I'm so convinced and scared that I'm just this annoying kid who no one likes and then I sabotage myself by over compensating and being rude and egotistical and pretentious. And as time has gone on it's gotten worse, I feel myself making the transition from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader, becoming more bitter and more comfortable with it. And part of me doesn't like it, I don't like how I'm becoming more bitter, I'm usually pretty happy but it's just been seeming more inconvenient not to be grouchy and crotchety. I want to be in a good mood and adventure all the time but between work and school I don't really have that luxury.

I am a person of extremes, in my head I believe either someone loves me or they hate me and if I talk to them too much they're going to end up hating me. I'm going to push someone away and give them reason not to like me, and I need to stop thinking like that because the cruel irony is that is what makes people not like me.

I'm really hard on myself and I need to stop being, because while I might not be a perfect human being or an action hero I am me, and I'm a decent guy. I'm a decent writer with good friends and a bright future, I'm funny sometimes, I'm good in school and I am a good person with good intentions most of the time. I love me and I am good enough.


One of the things I think a lot of people miss about the millennials is that they've grown up in a hyper connected world, they know they're not alone. They're learning how it's okay to be a dude who likes dudes, or a girl that wants to dress like a guy and they know it's okay for boys to wear "women's" clothing and not have it define them in anyway other than they have a sweet ass dress on and they can pull it off. We grow up in this world where depression is a normal thing not because it's spreading and it's more prevalent but it's okay to have and to be public about. Having anxiety or a mental disorder isn't shameful and shouldn't be hidden. Because we're all these beautiful unique creatures who can't be, and shouldn't be ashamed of who they are, what they like and how they define themselves.  

And you, you beautiful blog reader you, you need to be kinder to yourself. You're a wonderful beautiful human being who is full of life and potential, don't go pissing that away with bitterness and anger. You deserve to be happy and you deserve not to hate yourself. You deserve to chase the dreams you have and buy that one thing you don't need but it'd be totally awesome to own. You are cool enough to talk to that person you're afraid to and you shouldn't let anyone else, especially you tell you otherwise.You should do what makes you happy and talk about it with as many people who will listen. Love life and love the world and go out and experience it, damn it. Love yourself, love life, love who you are and what you do.

As always you can message me on Facebook or on Tumblr or email me.

You should also check out The Honest Beauty Project which is a super awesome thing being put on my a good friend of mine, you should all go check it out.

As always thank you for reading, I love you all dearly. <3

Bailey S. Fox

Pennies for the Passionless

So I'm normally a very passionate person.

And lately I have just not been feeling it.

I feel like there's this big gray blanket of indifference over me.

So I'm going to force myself to blog and try and jumpstart my love.

Personally I felt my last blog post was very lack luster. I've tried to write so many blog posts but just quit because of the lack of passion in them. I've been like this for a few weeks, there's just an overwhelming lack of passion and excitement in me it's killing me. I don't really know what to do. I feel emotionally sluggish and unresponsive. I really really want to get overly excited about something or overly passionate and happy over it but the past few weeks have been leaving me out to dry. I'm not 100% sure what to do.

It's been in my interactions with people, my writing, my thinking, my actions. I don't know what it is but there's a difference. There's no strong feelings about anything, just a lot of indifference or muted feelings. I usually feel things in explosive bursts but there's been none of that. I need that excitement, that drive.

I'm asking you guys, what are you passionate about? What do you really care about. Tell me, somehow. I want to hear it in hopes that maybe that'll kickstart my passion and we can move on from this slump.

Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

As a child, superman was my favorite superhero. But as I got older, superman seemed childish and less cool, which as it seems is how everyone else seems to feel judging by the dark and gritty superman things we've seen in the last decade.

Grr, I'm Superman. Grr

But this isn't really a blog complaining about Superman. This is more a blog exploring my personal relationship with the idea of Superman and Clark Kent.

As I've said previously I've always struggled with my self image. And lately I've felt kinda bored and lost within myself, and I don't really know how to break out of this funk I find myself in. And since I can't seem to save myself I've been trying to save others. Because if I can save someone else then I can save myself or someone else can save me. And I've been wearing a lot of red and blue because I'm Superman, damn it. Or at least I can pretend to be.

Superman is the quintessential superhero. Everyone knows who Superman, he fights against evil and saves the world from people who wish to do it harm. Not because his parents are dead or because he was irradiated by gamma rays or any other reasons, he does it because he can't understand not doing the right thing.

During the writing of this blog post I received a phone call about my National Honors Society application. Apparently the board in charge of admitting people is split 50/50 on letting me in. Tuesday I have to go in and give a presentation on why I should be allowed into the society, based off the rubric, it's supposed to be a non-arrogant, introspective presentation to the principal.

OH THANK GOD I GET TO BE NON-ARROGANT AND PRESENT TO AN AUTHORITY FIGURE ON WHY I'M GOOD ENOUGH. THIS IS ALMOST TOO EASY, ALL OF MY STRENGTHS.

Okay, rant over, luckily this relates to this blog, great timing.

So, if you can't tell sometimes I have trouble feeling like I'm good enough, so I compensate with being arrogant. That combined with my lack of trust in authority figures brings us back to the point I want to make.

Superman isn't just an alien, he was a baby, rocketed to Earth and raised as a human. He sees Clark Kent and Superman as two separate people. I don't agree with Kill Bill, Superman doesn't think that man is weak, he sees Clark as what mankind is and Superman as what humanity can be, not the superpowers, per say, but rather as symbols of hope and good. He believes humanity can be strong, humanity can be powerful, and brave, and good. We don't have to be cowards, we don't have to be evil. Superman isn't a symbol for America, he's a symbol of hope for two young Jewish kids who created him.

And we can distil this idea further, Superman is the way I embody this idea, that I can be better, that I can fight another day, I can move on and keep going, and that's all I need. But, you can use anything that gives you hope, this is just how I keep going. I know that even though things suck and seem grim I can fight against shit and not give up. And sometimes that's enough.

I like to a lot of the times wear an outfit comprised of red and blue, not because it matches my sneakers, but because it reminds be of superman and I can keep going. I can save the day, I can win and keep going.

<3

Bailey S. Fox