I've been debating how to write this post for the last six months, but I feel maybe it's finally time seeing as it is national coming out day.
For those of you who have missed the memo, I'm bisexual.
I know, crazy. The guy with 18 exes is also into dudes, and that's hard to swallow (heh) but bear with me, and I'll tell you my tale.
I started questioning my sexuality the November of my junior year. And I told two people, and then spent the greater part of a year trying to repress it. I'd make jokes about how hot the Avengers were, but for the most part, I was unable to come to terms with my sexuality. It took a lot of alcohol (ahh, underaged drinking) and a willing gay friend on a warm summer night for me to finally come to terms with something I had been battling for a year. I was overjoyed, and very drunk. I texted my two best friends and I told my girlfriend.
She was less enthused.
Not that she wasn't supportive, but it's hard to hear that your boyfriend got drunk and kissed a dude. I'm sorry about that.
But it was nice to finally be able to come to terms with a part of myself that I had been in turmoil over for a long time. But then there was the challenge of coming out. Something that frightened me to no end. I teased it on the blog a little,I told my friends, I told my sister, I told my new at the time girlfriend, I told my dad when he asked, he told my mom. Finally, December 28th, 2015 I came out on my blog. It was a hard thing to admit, because in my head, I was defined by my girlfriends. Coming out meant letting go of a part of me I had so long defined myself by. But I've been glad about it ever since.
At my graduation party I kissed a guy I had been flirting with for lord knows how long. But for thsoe of you who follow along at home, that was right after the big break up, and I was emotionally unstable. Too unstable at the time for a relationship. He was willing to hook up, and part of me really wanted to, but a larger part of me was afraid. I didn't want my first time with a guy to go like my first time with a girl, and end up hurting me. I didn't want to have it be a hook up, but I wasn't in the place for a relationship. And then I ended up in one anyway. Whoops.
A lot of my summer was me using my emotional instability as an excuse to hurt people, and I really regret that. But I've done my best to make amends, and I've finally said the things that I lacked the ability to say at the time, so I move past it.
Being bisexual is in itself a new problem. It's not really understood, and it's seen by some as a fad. It's seem by some as a phase. Some people try to quantify it or split it into being part straight and part gay. But it's not, it's being attracted to two genders. It's not part straight part gay, it's not a percentage, it's bisexual. I have a type for guys and a type for girls. And it's not something I want really commented on. It's a very personal subject that I'm still understanding myself. There's no real guidebook for being straight, and there is less of one for being bi. While that does not excuse the mistakes I've made, I hope it will give some people cause for patients and compassion.
I'm young, I'm still figuring it out.
I'm Bailey S. Fox, I'm 18 years old, and I'm bisexual and proud. Every day I wear my bracelet with the bi colors. I mourned the gay men shot in Orlando this summer. I mourn the gay men killed in the middle east. I am hurt every time more anti-lgbtq laws are passed. I am hurt when being bisexual is removed from lgtbq causes. I am hurt when tv shows can't admit characters are bi, or when being bi is a punchline.
Happy coming out day, everyone.
And for those of you reading who are still in the closet, you are loved. You are strong. Do not feel fear to be who you are, but do not feel shame for staying in the closet. Just know the people who truly love you, will always love you, no matter what.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Bailey S. Fox
For those of you who have missed the memo, I'm bisexual.
I know, crazy. The guy with 18 exes is also into dudes, and that's hard to swallow (heh) but bear with me, and I'll tell you my tale.
I started questioning my sexuality the November of my junior year. And I told two people, and then spent the greater part of a year trying to repress it. I'd make jokes about how hot the Avengers were, but for the most part, I was unable to come to terms with my sexuality. It took a lot of alcohol (ahh, underaged drinking) and a willing gay friend on a warm summer night for me to finally come to terms with something I had been battling for a year. I was overjoyed, and very drunk. I texted my two best friends and I told my girlfriend.
She was less enthused.
Not that she wasn't supportive, but it's hard to hear that your boyfriend got drunk and kissed a dude. I'm sorry about that.
But it was nice to finally be able to come to terms with a part of myself that I had been in turmoil over for a long time. But then there was the challenge of coming out. Something that frightened me to no end. I teased it on the blog a little,I told my friends, I told my sister, I told my new at the time girlfriend, I told my dad when he asked, he told my mom. Finally, December 28th, 2015 I came out on my blog. It was a hard thing to admit, because in my head, I was defined by my girlfriends. Coming out meant letting go of a part of me I had so long defined myself by. But I've been glad about it ever since.
At my graduation party I kissed a guy I had been flirting with for lord knows how long. But for thsoe of you who follow along at home, that was right after the big break up, and I was emotionally unstable. Too unstable at the time for a relationship. He was willing to hook up, and part of me really wanted to, but a larger part of me was afraid. I didn't want my first time with a guy to go like my first time with a girl, and end up hurting me. I didn't want to have it be a hook up, but I wasn't in the place for a relationship. And then I ended up in one anyway. Whoops.
A lot of my summer was me using my emotional instability as an excuse to hurt people, and I really regret that. But I've done my best to make amends, and I've finally said the things that I lacked the ability to say at the time, so I move past it.
Being bisexual is in itself a new problem. It's not really understood, and it's seen by some as a fad. It's seem by some as a phase. Some people try to quantify it or split it into being part straight and part gay. But it's not, it's being attracted to two genders. It's not part straight part gay, it's not a percentage, it's bisexual. I have a type for guys and a type for girls. And it's not something I want really commented on. It's a very personal subject that I'm still understanding myself. There's no real guidebook for being straight, and there is less of one for being bi. While that does not excuse the mistakes I've made, I hope it will give some people cause for patients and compassion.
I'm young, I'm still figuring it out.
I'm Bailey S. Fox, I'm 18 years old, and I'm bisexual and proud. Every day I wear my bracelet with the bi colors. I mourned the gay men shot in Orlando this summer. I mourn the gay men killed in the middle east. I am hurt every time more anti-lgbtq laws are passed. I am hurt when being bisexual is removed from lgtbq causes. I am hurt when tv shows can't admit characters are bi, or when being bi is a punchline.
Happy coming out day, everyone.
And for those of you reading who are still in the closet, you are loved. You are strong. Do not feel fear to be who you are, but do not feel shame for staying in the closet. Just know the people who truly love you, will always love you, no matter what.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Bailey S. Fox
