A year ago today I wrote a post aptly titled: Who is Bailey S. Fox? In preparation for this post I have not read that post. But, I feel it's time to write a new one, as it has been an action packed year.
A year ago when I wrote that post I was not yet a month into the relationship I was in at the time, I had just seen my all time favorite band, and well, I was a different person. I suppose it's redundant to say that between my 17th and 18th year on this rock orbiting the sun I have changed, change is inevitable really, but I think this is perhaps my most significant year of change.
I have often spoke of change, change in who I was, and if anything, 17 was a year of change. I had to answer for a lot of my actions. I couldn't hide behind anything anymore, I had to own up to who I was, and who I wanted to be. I spent a portion of it in the deepest depression I had ever actively known and in all honesty I encountered suicidal thoughts. It was a hard and trying time in my life, but thanks to those around me I saw my way through it.
I revealed my biggest secret to my parents and admitted that I lied to them about losing my virginity.
I had to deal with my worst break up. I had to learn to take care of myself, I found a work ethic, I wrote a script, I swallowed my pride, I started standing up for what I believe in, I came out as bisexual.
17 was a crazy year, and that wasn't even all of it.
So it begs the question: who the hell am I anymore?
And it almost seems a stupid question to ask, because the short answer is that I am Bailey Fox Olmstead, I live at 147 Horton Newfield New York, I am an 18 year old writer and actor and I plan on being those two things (As well as many other things) for the rest of my life.
I guess what I've discovered is this control over who I am and what I do, I finally feel happy with who I am on the whole, and sure I have my moments of self doubt as chronicled on this blog, but I really think that I've kind of (For the time being) gotten this whole me thing figured out.
So that raises a new question: what is the point of this blog?
I'm no longer constantly going through crisis after crisis, I've moved on from that point in my life, and I find myself trying to figure out the direction of the blog. It's been a close companion these three years, but 2016 has found a shocking absence of blog worthy events. I don't feel the need as often to sit at my desk and type "I am writer: read me roar"
I don't feel the need to constantly assert myself in the digital format. And I feel it is a time for a soft reboot of the blog, something more essay based, something sometimes less rant and more personal narrative. I'm not sure, perhaps in a month perhaps in six I will feel the need to jump back into the old flow, perhaps my life will fall to shit and I'll need to write all the time. I'm not sure, and so by no means is this the end of the blog. It's a soft reboot, you're going to see some new content on here starting soon. Perhaps some poems or short stories, I don't know. I'll figure it out.
I find myself at a different place in my life, and it's a different place than I thought I'd be at, there was a time where my role in the friend sphere was "Oh shit we had better call Bailey, he hasn't spoken to us in six hours, he's either dead or in trouble." But that's no longer the case. I'm taking care of myself and others. Now I'm the one making the texts and phone calls to see if my other friends are alright. I'm making sure everyone gets dinner and goes to bed at a reasonable hour. Most nights I'm asleep by ten. And it's weird not being the reckless one anymore. Not making people worry about me, I mean, I keep busy, working and writing, but at one point my life became less about who the next girl would be and where the next adventure would come from and more about making myself happy.
Now that's not to say that I don't go our seeking adventure at times, but if I'm in for a night, it's not the end of the world, and I'm perfectly content staying in and reading and writing.
Now this is by no means a "I'm better than you because I stay in and read while you go out and party" Because truthfully if you called me right now and invited me to a party this weekend I would love to go, I still love going out. But, if I don't go out I'm still perfectly happy. The point is that while I enjoy those situations they are not the source of joy. The joy comes from me, from my work, from my friends, from my loved ones, from my girlfriends. This is what drives me, I'm not just someone living for the weekends.
And I understand this isn't what works for everyone, and I want everyone to chase their bliss. Whatever fulfills you, do it. I'm not here how to tell anyone how to live, I'm not here to tell you that I'm better for my way, because someday I might wake up and realize that I'm wrong. Find what makes you happy, but understand that it might change, and always be willing to adapt.
I've fallen out of touch with many people, and that's alright. Because people come and go, and the people who I don't talk to as much, just know I still love you and think about you quite often. And I'd love to hear from you. And know it's okay to fall out of touch with people, we're busy and I'm shitty at texting.
I am a man made of many stories, but all my best stories have yet to be told. So I sit here, the man with heart shaped sunglasses, a happy man, and perhaps for the first time in writing this blog, I have become a fulfilled one. And I thank those around me for it. I thank the people in my life who love and support me. I thank you all for reading this. And I'd like to thank the weird assortment of various religious statues in my room for not cursing me. I'd also like to thank Harrison Ford for being dreamy. I'd like to thank my parents for making all the right mistakes to make me who I am, I'd like to thank the academy, I'd like to thank Chris Carter for creating a cool character for me to be named after, and I'd like to thank viewers like you. Chase your bliss, I love you all.
<3
-Bailey S. Fox
A year ago when I wrote that post I was not yet a month into the relationship I was in at the time, I had just seen my all time favorite band, and well, I was a different person. I suppose it's redundant to say that between my 17th and 18th year on this rock orbiting the sun I have changed, change is inevitable really, but I think this is perhaps my most significant year of change.
I have often spoke of change, change in who I was, and if anything, 17 was a year of change. I had to answer for a lot of my actions. I couldn't hide behind anything anymore, I had to own up to who I was, and who I wanted to be. I spent a portion of it in the deepest depression I had ever actively known and in all honesty I encountered suicidal thoughts. It was a hard and trying time in my life, but thanks to those around me I saw my way through it.
I revealed my biggest secret to my parents and admitted that I lied to them about losing my virginity.
I had to deal with my worst break up. I had to learn to take care of myself, I found a work ethic, I wrote a script, I swallowed my pride, I started standing up for what I believe in, I came out as bisexual.
17 was a crazy year, and that wasn't even all of it.
So it begs the question: who the hell am I anymore?
And it almost seems a stupid question to ask, because the short answer is that I am Bailey Fox Olmstead, I live at 147 Horton Newfield New York, I am an 18 year old writer and actor and I plan on being those two things (As well as many other things) for the rest of my life.
I guess what I've discovered is this control over who I am and what I do, I finally feel happy with who I am on the whole, and sure I have my moments of self doubt as chronicled on this blog, but I really think that I've kind of (For the time being) gotten this whole me thing figured out.
So that raises a new question: what is the point of this blog?
I'm no longer constantly going through crisis after crisis, I've moved on from that point in my life, and I find myself trying to figure out the direction of the blog. It's been a close companion these three years, but 2016 has found a shocking absence of blog worthy events. I don't feel the need as often to sit at my desk and type "I am writer: read me roar"
I don't feel the need to constantly assert myself in the digital format. And I feel it is a time for a soft reboot of the blog, something more essay based, something sometimes less rant and more personal narrative. I'm not sure, perhaps in a month perhaps in six I will feel the need to jump back into the old flow, perhaps my life will fall to shit and I'll need to write all the time. I'm not sure, and so by no means is this the end of the blog. It's a soft reboot, you're going to see some new content on here starting soon. Perhaps some poems or short stories, I don't know. I'll figure it out.
I find myself at a different place in my life, and it's a different place than I thought I'd be at, there was a time where my role in the friend sphere was "Oh shit we had better call Bailey, he hasn't spoken to us in six hours, he's either dead or in trouble." But that's no longer the case. I'm taking care of myself and others. Now I'm the one making the texts and phone calls to see if my other friends are alright. I'm making sure everyone gets dinner and goes to bed at a reasonable hour. Most nights I'm asleep by ten. And it's weird not being the reckless one anymore. Not making people worry about me, I mean, I keep busy, working and writing, but at one point my life became less about who the next girl would be and where the next adventure would come from and more about making myself happy.
Now that's not to say that I don't go our seeking adventure at times, but if I'm in for a night, it's not the end of the world, and I'm perfectly content staying in and reading and writing.
Now this is by no means a "I'm better than you because I stay in and read while you go out and party" Because truthfully if you called me right now and invited me to a party this weekend I would love to go, I still love going out. But, if I don't go out I'm still perfectly happy. The point is that while I enjoy those situations they are not the source of joy. The joy comes from me, from my work, from my friends, from my loved ones, from my girlfriends. This is what drives me, I'm not just someone living for the weekends.
And I understand this isn't what works for everyone, and I want everyone to chase their bliss. Whatever fulfills you, do it. I'm not here how to tell anyone how to live, I'm not here to tell you that I'm better for my way, because someday I might wake up and realize that I'm wrong. Find what makes you happy, but understand that it might change, and always be willing to adapt.
I've fallen out of touch with many people, and that's alright. Because people come and go, and the people who I don't talk to as much, just know I still love you and think about you quite often. And I'd love to hear from you. And know it's okay to fall out of touch with people, we're busy and I'm shitty at texting.
I am a man made of many stories, but all my best stories have yet to be told. So I sit here, the man with heart shaped sunglasses, a happy man, and perhaps for the first time in writing this blog, I have become a fulfilled one. And I thank those around me for it. I thank the people in my life who love and support me. I thank you all for reading this. And I'd like to thank the weird assortment of various religious statues in my room for not cursing me. I'd also like to thank Harrison Ford for being dreamy. I'd like to thank my parents for making all the right mistakes to make me who I am, I'd like to thank the academy, I'd like to thank Chris Carter for creating a cool character for me to be named after, and I'd like to thank viewers like you. Chase your bliss, I love you all.
<3
-Bailey S. Fox
