2014: A Retrospective

So, I want to start out by thanking everyone who has read my blog since its beginning in February of this year, the support and feedback have been astounding and wonderful and I truly love you all.

This post will be both a personal retrospective and me talking about all the cool stuff I saw this year, so it will be broken into two sections.

PART ONE

2014: A Year in Being Bailey.

2014 has been a year of self discovery and growth. And it's partially thanks to this blog, hearing about other people's thoughts and feelings and how what I ramble about affects them has been an incredible experience and one I hope to continue into 2015. I've made a lot of new friends in 2014 and they have made my life so much better just by existing. I have found a sense of support, love, and acceptance that I never thought I'd have and never knew I was missing. I got the lead in my school show which is another experience I never thought I'd be able to have. I feel like I've really found myself as a person this year and I've become someone at least I can be proud of.

I've lost a lot of my shame, I don't feel ashamed for my undying of Taylor Swift's new album. I don't feel ashamed that my Christmas gifts included new Legos, a Lego book, the Lego movie, a Nerf gun and novelty socks. I don't feel ashamed to sing and perform before a crowd. I don't feel ashamed for my laugh or my voice or my smile or my hair or my body and I refuse to let people try to make me feel it. I love the way I dress and the people I surround myself with.

I refused to let people label me as masculine or not masculine based on my interests or personality because that's a dumb thing to base an arbitrary label on. My masculinity isn't based on if I have a pink lunchbox or not. It's not based on what my hobbies are.You shouldn't try to change yourself to better fit this label, or any label, because that is an unhealthy and dumb way to think. You're an amazing human being no matter what people label you as. It's time to grow up and break out of this hyper-masculine way of thinking that makes even grooming yourself and moisturizing your face as something "feminine" and "weak." I like those fruity smelling hand sanitizers and lotions, that doesn't in anyway make me more or less of a man. It doesn't dictate what gender or people I'm attracted to and it doesn't really affect anyone else but me. The fact that I like fruity smelling hand sanitizers doesn't and shouldn't really matter to anyone else.

This year I think I've finally started to truly love myself and not have to overcompensate for my insecurity with my ego. I think I've finally become a good person, I've done a lot of lousy things to people in the past. I've been immature and hurtful and rude and I've done a lot of not cool things to people I've cared about and I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone I've wronged. I hope you can forgive me, I'll try to do better in 2015.

And that's what New Years is about, trying to do better. It's about accepting all of the crazy, lame, hurtful, lousy, painful, things that happened in the previous year and then trying to make the next year better. Trying to be a better you. Trying to make your life better and love the people around you better. And that's my resolution. I want to love the people around be more. I want to be a better friend and significant other. I want to be less defensive and more loving. So happy New Years everyone, let's make 2015 a good year.




PART TWO:

2014: A Year in Really Good Movies and Music.

MOVIES/TV:
Here are my top 10 movies and TV Shows I saw in 2014 in no real order.

10) The Lego Movie
9) Godzilla
8) Big Hero 6
7) Guardians of the Galaxy
6) The Skeleton Twins
5) Community
4) Parks and Rec
3) Sherlock
2) Last Week Tonight
1) The Colbert Report (Good night, sweet prince)

MUSIC
Top 10 Albums from 2014 in no real order

10) Hungry Ghosts- Ok Go
9) Everything Will be Alright in the End- Weezer
8) Saint Vincent- Saint Vincent
7) 1989- Taylor Swift
6) Sonic Highways- The Foo Fighters
5) The Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack
4) Strange Desire- The Bleachers
3) Morning Phase- Beck
2) The Lego Movie Soundtrack
1) Wrong- The Airborne Toxic Event



So, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog this year and I hope your 2015 is the best year yet. Thank you all so much for reading this extra long post. Happy Holidays, I'll write again in 2015!

<3

Bailey S. Fox

I Gotta Feeling 21 is Gonna Be a Good Year

So, 2014 is almost done, thank god. It seems everyone I've talked to is ready for this year to be over. Not to say that this year was all for nothing, I started this blog which at the time I'm writing has over 3,600 views and that is absolutely nuts and I'm so overwhelmingly arrogant and humbled by and about that it's crazy. I love you all, thank you.

But back to the subject of the year ending. It's a really crazy thing that we just assume because we start a new year everything is going to change. That the difference between 11:59 on December 31st, 2014 and 12:00 January 1st, 2015 will make some kind of huge, monumental difference, that this year will be the year I get my life together. But there's no guarantee, there is nothing saying that 2015 has to be any better than 2014. But, every part of my being wants to believe that it will be, it has the potential to be. Maybe I'll get the girl in 2015, maybe I'll be happy with the way I look, maybe I'll get in shape, maybe I'll watch the final 3 episodes of Chuck, maybe I'll get the lead in the school show. New Years is this time of year where you can be ironically optimistic about the future and what it holds. We hold these huge celebrations honoring a date on a calendar, when some person arbitrarily said that this, this is when the year starts and ends. And it's wonderful, I really do believe that 2015 has this huge amount of potential to be a really amazing year, I mean Star Wars Episode VII and Avengers 2 alone make me excited.

New Years is a time to get together with people you love and celebrate and be hopeful. It's a time to tell those you love how much they mean to you. It's a time for change. Where we drop millions of pound of confetti with people's wishes literally written on them on a crowd after dropping a huge ball from the top of a sky scraper.

So as the month goes on remember this.

Happy Holidays, Thank you all, for everything.
<3

Bailey S. Fox

(Copyright Bailey Olmstead 2014)

The Man in the Mirror

So before I get to the meaty emotional part of the blog I want to address a few things.

Yes, Michael Jackson references are cliche but who really cares?

Yes I know the blog posts have been erratically placed and not as deep as usual and far apart and I'm sorry.

Finally "Shake it Off" By Taylor Swift is probably the single greatest song to have ever existed and if you don't think so then you're wrong.

Now, to the good stuff.

I've mentioned my issues with self loathing before but I'm gonna address a slightly different part and I'm gonna talk about how I see myself.

I like to imagine myself as kinda like a cowboy or a lone knight wandering, fighting the world, fighting injustice and the man. Like Han Solo or something. Always delivering snappy one-liners and being really cool and smart and callous on the outside but caring deep down. I want to imagine that I'm very scholarly but in like an Indiana jones way, basically I want to be the characters Harrison Ford portrays.

Now I know I'm not, but that's the problem, I know I'm not. I know, or I think all I am in the end is an out of shape geeky kid with a superiority complex and an ego fit for three.

There are people I want to talk to and people I want to have friendships with or date or whatever, but I'm so convinced and scared that I'm just this annoying kid who no one likes and then I sabotage myself by over compensating and being rude and egotistical and pretentious. And as time has gone on it's gotten worse, I feel myself making the transition from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader, becoming more bitter and more comfortable with it. And part of me doesn't like it, I don't like how I'm becoming more bitter, I'm usually pretty happy but it's just been seeming more inconvenient not to be grouchy and crotchety. I want to be in a good mood and adventure all the time but between work and school I don't really have that luxury.

I am a person of extremes, in my head I believe either someone loves me or they hate me and if I talk to them too much they're going to end up hating me. I'm going to push someone away and give them reason not to like me, and I need to stop thinking like that because the cruel irony is that is what makes people not like me.

I'm really hard on myself and I need to stop being, because while I might not be a perfect human being or an action hero I am me, and I'm a decent guy. I'm a decent writer with good friends and a bright future, I'm funny sometimes, I'm good in school and I am a good person with good intentions most of the time. I love me and I am good enough.


One of the things I think a lot of people miss about the millennials is that they've grown up in a hyper connected world, they know they're not alone. They're learning how it's okay to be a dude who likes dudes, or a girl that wants to dress like a guy and they know it's okay for boys to wear "women's" clothing and not have it define them in anyway other than they have a sweet ass dress on and they can pull it off. We grow up in this world where depression is a normal thing not because it's spreading and it's more prevalent but it's okay to have and to be public about. Having anxiety or a mental disorder isn't shameful and shouldn't be hidden. Because we're all these beautiful unique creatures who can't be, and shouldn't be ashamed of who they are, what they like and how they define themselves.  

And you, you beautiful blog reader you, you need to be kinder to yourself. You're a wonderful beautiful human being who is full of life and potential, don't go pissing that away with bitterness and anger. You deserve to be happy and you deserve not to hate yourself. You deserve to chase the dreams you have and buy that one thing you don't need but it'd be totally awesome to own. You are cool enough to talk to that person you're afraid to and you shouldn't let anyone else, especially you tell you otherwise.You should do what makes you happy and talk about it with as many people who will listen. Love life and love the world and go out and experience it, damn it. Love yourself, love life, love who you are and what you do.

As always you can message me on Facebook or on Tumblr or email me.

You should also check out The Honest Beauty Project which is a super awesome thing being put on my a good friend of mine, you should all go check it out.

As always thank you for reading, I love you all dearly. <3

Bailey S. Fox

Pennies for the Passionless

So I'm normally a very passionate person.

And lately I have just not been feeling it.

I feel like there's this big gray blanket of indifference over me.

So I'm going to force myself to blog and try and jumpstart my love.

Personally I felt my last blog post was very lack luster. I've tried to write so many blog posts but just quit because of the lack of passion in them. I've been like this for a few weeks, there's just an overwhelming lack of passion and excitement in me it's killing me. I don't really know what to do. I feel emotionally sluggish and unresponsive. I really really want to get overly excited about something or overly passionate and happy over it but the past few weeks have been leaving me out to dry. I'm not 100% sure what to do.

It's been in my interactions with people, my writing, my thinking, my actions. I don't know what it is but there's a difference. There's no strong feelings about anything, just a lot of indifference or muted feelings. I usually feel things in explosive bursts but there's been none of that. I need that excitement, that drive.

I'm asking you guys, what are you passionate about? What do you really care about. Tell me, somehow. I want to hear it in hopes that maybe that'll kickstart my passion and we can move on from this slump.

Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

As a child, superman was my favorite superhero. But as I got older, superman seemed childish and less cool, which as it seems is how everyone else seems to feel judging by the dark and gritty superman things we've seen in the last decade.

Grr, I'm Superman. Grr

But this isn't really a blog complaining about Superman. This is more a blog exploring my personal relationship with the idea of Superman and Clark Kent.

As I've said previously I've always struggled with my self image. And lately I've felt kinda bored and lost within myself, and I don't really know how to break out of this funk I find myself in. And since I can't seem to save myself I've been trying to save others. Because if I can save someone else then I can save myself or someone else can save me. And I've been wearing a lot of red and blue because I'm Superman, damn it. Or at least I can pretend to be.

Superman is the quintessential superhero. Everyone knows who Superman, he fights against evil and saves the world from people who wish to do it harm. Not because his parents are dead or because he was irradiated by gamma rays or any other reasons, he does it because he can't understand not doing the right thing.

During the writing of this blog post I received a phone call about my National Honors Society application. Apparently the board in charge of admitting people is split 50/50 on letting me in. Tuesday I have to go in and give a presentation on why I should be allowed into the society, based off the rubric, it's supposed to be a non-arrogant, introspective presentation to the principal.

OH THANK GOD I GET TO BE NON-ARROGANT AND PRESENT TO AN AUTHORITY FIGURE ON WHY I'M GOOD ENOUGH. THIS IS ALMOST TOO EASY, ALL OF MY STRENGTHS.

Okay, rant over, luckily this relates to this blog, great timing.

So, if you can't tell sometimes I have trouble feeling like I'm good enough, so I compensate with being arrogant. That combined with my lack of trust in authority figures brings us back to the point I want to make.

Superman isn't just an alien, he was a baby, rocketed to Earth and raised as a human. He sees Clark Kent and Superman as two separate people. I don't agree with Kill Bill, Superman doesn't think that man is weak, he sees Clark as what mankind is and Superman as what humanity can be, not the superpowers, per say, but rather as symbols of hope and good. He believes humanity can be strong, humanity can be powerful, and brave, and good. We don't have to be cowards, we don't have to be evil. Superman isn't a symbol for America, he's a symbol of hope for two young Jewish kids who created him.

And we can distil this idea further, Superman is the way I embody this idea, that I can be better, that I can fight another day, I can move on and keep going, and that's all I need. But, you can use anything that gives you hope, this is just how I keep going. I know that even though things suck and seem grim I can fight against shit and not give up. And sometimes that's enough.

I like to a lot of the times wear an outfit comprised of red and blue, not because it matches my sneakers, but because it reminds be of superman and I can keep going. I can save the day, I can win and keep going.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Shine on You Crazy Diamond

For a large part of my life I have struggled with self-loathing. And I've kinda-sorta addressed this in various blogs but for the most part I've avoided tackling the topic as whole. I have multiple drafts starting to address the topic but I wanted to avoid sounding whiny or preachy. But after one of my favorite writers made this post on Cracked.com I decided it's time to man up and write about it.

Now, before anyone asks, yes I am fine. I'm not struggling with suicide or depression. Thank you for your concern <3

I've always loved attention, from the moment I could move I've wanted all eyes on me. This mindset comes with its own set of problems, including the alienation of others.

For a large part of my life I lacked social skills, I'd go up to people and ask to be their friend, and the other kids found this weird. I was, hyperactive and super positive all the time. I was always over the top excited. I'd lose 5 minutes of recess because I couldn't stop calling out in class. People would make fun of me because I was too loud, or I said the wrong things, or liked the wrong cartoons. When I was in 5th grade people made fun of me for being immature because I still watched cartoons. I was made fun of because my voice was too high. I forced my singing voice to be lower like the other boys so they'd stop teasing me.

I could list a dozen more stories, but that's not what this post is about.

Eventually I became afraid to do things, and I stopped. I became angst-y and less excited. I tried really hard to be more reserved and sit still more. I was miserable, but, people started to like me.

The period of time between 7th grade and 10th grade was a time of self discovery. I changed who I was a lot. I stopped wanting to be an engineer and focused on writing and acting. In 9th grade I stopped wearing my glasses because people made fun of me; I still feel self-conscious wearing them. If I was around a girl I liked I'd lose control and the awkward hyperactive kid would rear his head and I'd scare her away. The more emotion I felt the harder it was to control myself. I tried really hard to make myself insult proof. I didn't wear clothes that I thought people wouldn't like. I always had my mom with me when we went shopping and I'd ask her a bunch of times before I bought something. It was a huge deal when I bought clothes on my own for the first time. I over thought all my interactions with people. I was afraid to enter into new social interactions with new people because I didn't know what to say that they'd like. Auditions were awful because I was putting myself in the situation to be judged which was one of my biggest fears.

In 9th grade I made three friends that would change my life. They protected me, and cared for me but trusted me. They made me feel loved and accepted for who I was. I never had to use an act around them. I spent all of my time with them and caught a lot of flack for always talking about them but it was hard not to. A lot of the other people I spent my time with made me kinda feel shitty. One day during the summer I had an emotional breakdown in a park when I was waiting for my mom and they called and texted me non-stop until I was better. When I ran away from home one of them threatened to take me back unless I promised to work things out with my parents on my own.

I dreaded 10th grade because the three friends went off to college. I felt as if I was on my own.

10th grade was a great year.

It had a rough start but through the year I found myself. I became confident in who I was and it affected my relationships with people. I became the person I always thought I was. I didn't have to put on an act in front of people. Because I found more people who love me unconditionally. People who I can be super excited about dumb stuff with. People who want to go on adventures with me and spend time with me and don't make me feel bad because of how I act. I found the ability to love myself.

And there are still people who make me feel bad about myself, who tell me who I am is wrong and that when people don't like me it's my fault. There are people who tell me how to live, how to be better, who don't support me. People who treat me like some kid who doesn't know better. They're condescending and hurtful. Even if they have the best intentions it's still not right. They're telling me that who I am is wrong, and that shit is not cool. If you want an example the song Popular from the musical Wicked is a good example. I've done my best to move away from these people. Because I've learned that I shouldn't change who I am to be to please these people. I shouldn't because it will never be enough. No matter what I do it won't please them. And changing myself makes me less happy. I don't want to spend time around these people.

I want to say I'm 100% over my self hating. I'm not. It's still something I struggle with, but, it's made easier being surrounded by people who love you. I'm still that awkward, hyperactive kid who is overly positive and excited, I'm just taller and have better hair. And I'm proud to be that kid. I hope the people I love are proud of that kid.

I want you to know you're not alone. You have people who love you. If you ever need to talk you can email me at Bailey.f98@gmail.com, message me on Tumblr add me on Facebook and message me. I don't care how you do but if you ever need anyone, message me, get a hold of me. I'll be there for you.

Never be afraid to be a person that makes you happy. Follow your passions, no matter what. Life is pointless unless you have things to get stupid happy about. Remember you are loved and remember to love. You might be hyperactive, you might be fidgety and anxiety ridden, you might be loud and obnoxious and weird but never, ever let people make you feel less then amazing. You're a beautiful human being and there is no one quite like you and you should be proud of that.

Thank you for reading this, it's super long and super personal but I finally felt the need to get it out there. This was actually super hard to write but I'm glad I did. It's important to be honest about who you are. Daniel Radcliffe said this quote and I figure it's a good way to end this post.

            “A hero is also someone who, in their day to day interactions with the world, despite all the    pain, uncertainty and doubt that can plague us, is resiliently and unashamedly themselves. If you can wake up every day and be emotionally open and honest regardless of what you get back from the world then you can be the hero of your own story. Each and every person who can say that despite life’s various buffetings that they are proud to be the person they are is a hero. Now I do have to mention the real heroes of The Trevor Project, the men and women volunteers, all of whom stand up day after day answering the calls of desperate teens whose circumstances have pushed them to the edge of the abyss. To take that call, and say yes, I will be the one who saves this life takes such courage and compassion. Hemingway’s definition of ‘grace under pressure’ seems fitting as the job they do is every bit as important, and every bit as delicate as a soldier defusing a bomb.”
― Daniel Radcliffe


Shine on you crazy diamond.

<3

-Bailey S. Fox

Square Watermelons and Elf Dentists

Jesus, that last post got really... real. So let's get back to my heavily opinionated joke filled world with one post I've been waiting to write.

So what the hell is a square watermelon?

 

That is a square watermelon.

Now the whole point for this blog requires some backstory.

I've always kinda had the standard teenage writer persona. At least in my head I have. The tortured creator. A little rough around the edges. I mean, if you look back at my blog posts you can see why. I seem to push people away and whatnot. Due to my alienating personality or lack of skill with my emotions or whatever.

But then one night... morning... it was late. I was in a hot tub with some friends and we were all talking about our feelings and such. My seeming lack of skill with girls and people in general came up rather quickly. One of my friends mentioned how it was weird because of how fast I can make friends and how many people I knew. 

And then I had a moment.

I had an epiphany.

There is nothing wrong with me.

I'm just different.

And that's okay.

I'm a square watermelon in a world mainly of round ones. 

There's nothing wrong with square ones. It's still a watermelon. It was just grown different. And while square watermelons can't roll round ones can't stack. I shouldn't feel bad because of the way other people can do things and I can't. Because there's nothing wrong with the way I do things. I just do them differently.

I'm Herbie the elf. I want to be dentist in a world of toy makers.

I'm the train with square wheels.

I really like this movie, okay?

And that's okay.

There's nothing wrong with being different. And just because you're different doesn't mean you can't exist among others. Because even round water melons have their differences. Some are bigger some are more oblong or more round and that's okay.



And I'm not some kind of lonely square watermelon. I'm now surrounded by people I love and who love me. I couldn't be happier. and some of the people I love the most are square watermelons too. And some of them are round ones. o And that's fine. No matter what you think you are or classify yourself as it's all okay. A group mixed group of people can get together and be friends that inspire millions. Some people might label them as "misfits".

#SisSeasonsAndAMovie

I'm sensing a pattern

So yes. Misfits, round and square watermelons. Elves, baseball, community college, and hot tubs.

It's okay to be different, different does not make you broken. You just have to find your way of doing things. And then things will be all good.



I love you all. Dearly. I really do <3

-Bailey s. Fox

House cleaning!

I have a soundcloud where I randomly release songs:

https://soundcloud.com/bailey-olmstead

Also I have a tumblr:

Bailey-mcfly

<3
 

They Were Wrong

I don't have a clever title for this blog post. This is going to be a little more real than my normal have serious half sarcastic parade of teenage angst. I'm going to briefly talk about my childhood and why I don't cry, except for today.

When I was younger I was bullied. That's not really that big of a shocker. Everyone was at one point in their life. Kids used to make fun of me because I would cry a lot. I'd cry because someone called me a name, or someone got me out in kickball. I'd cry at the drop of a hat. I didn't have a huge group of friends. People came and went but for a long time I was alone. I was loud and obnoxious. Everyday I was so excited to be there. I was loud because I couldn't contain the pure joy I felt. I still have trouble with being quiet, especially when I'm excited. I was picked on for various reasons. I had what I called a satchel but everyone else called a man purse in 5th grade because I wanted to be like Indiana Jones. Or in 7th grade there is an infamous picture of me that rears its head every once in a while.

I didn't know that in 3 years people would make fun of me for that picture. I thought I looked good. But now it's something that I cannot seem to get away from even if I look radically different.

As I became older it became a point of pride for me the less and less I cried. Now I rarely do it. I got called out during a break up for not crying. I had to awkwardly explain that I don't anymore. I learned not to. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried before today.

Today I was on Tumblr when I saw this video.

Very shortly into it tears sprang to my eyes. by half way through I was crying for the first time in however long. And I couldn't stop. It affected me in a very deep way. It cut through to the scared kid who doesn't understand why everyone hates him just for being who he is.

I'm not going to preach about anti-bullying. I'm not going to tell you what you already know. I'm not going to tell you how it changed me or anything. I'm not going to sit here and tell my sob-story (more than I have) because that's now what this is about. This blog post is about the video. It might be one of the most moving things I have watched in my lifetime. I have no closing joke or argument. I just wanted to share this. If any of you really want my in-depth back-story that can be saved for another post.

I love you all <3

Bailey S. Fox

Are You There Controversy? It's Me, Bailey.

Firstly I believe that the key to a good post is a good title. Titles are the first thing you see, it's supposed to hint at the content, and intrigue the potential reader. Obviously, this one is a play on the book "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" and is also controversial. Based on the context it's probably about religion.

Spoiler alert, it is.

Because who is better to talk about a concept that has been around since the beginning of humanity than some 16 year old with a blog?

Pretty much anyone, really.

But that doesn't mean I won't insert my two cents.

Thought I'd lighten the mood before the heavy controversy.

 So, there are many views on religion, from the extremes of atheism to the overzealous "Jesus freaks out in the streets" written about by Elton John in Tiny Dancer.

Careful who you call a freak, buddy. (Just kidding I love you)

But at its most basic. it's all the same.
And I don't think anyone is wrong. And just because One religion says one thing that doesn't mean another religion saying another religion is wrong. Because it's all the same idea. Explaining how and why we are here.
"But Bailey, Jesus isn't a bald fat guy or a six armed goddess."
And to that I say:
"You're right, but you're missing the point."
Now I'm not the first person to think this, I got this philosophy from Community creator Dan Harmon. Harmon described religion as: "a connection to the unknown, not the answer to it."

I like to think of all of this as an internet modem.

And don't worry, science is also included in this. We still don't know why the big bang happened. We have theories, but no solid evidence or answer. I mean, science says we have atoms, and religion doesn't say we don't. Science doesn't explain what made atoms, not really. But religion offers an explanation.You need a balanced diet. You can believe in both without wither being entirely wrong.You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, in my opinion. As was written by Michael Crichton in The Lost World:

“A hundred years from now, people will look back on us and laugh. They'll say, 'You know what people used to believe? They believed in photons and electrons. Can you imagine anything so silly?' They'll have a good laugh, because by then there will be newer better fantasies... And meanwhile, you feel the way the boat moves? That's the sea. That's real. You smell the salt in the air? You feel the sunlight on your skin? That's all real. Life is wonderful. It's a gift to be alive, to see the sun and breathe the air. And there isn't really anything else.” 

Whether you agree or not it makes a lot of sense. We may always be wrong in the long run.

Now back to that internet modem thing.

Let's say all of life's mysteries and the unknown are like the internet. We see the effects of it everywhere, from the existence of life to a Facebook message, but you can't hold either thing in your hands, but you know they exist. You cannot hold life any more than you can a gigabyte of data, you can hold a vessel containing them but you cannot hold either without its vessel.

Now that you get that comparison think of ideas like science or Christianity as a modem/internet provider. Your internet provider gives you a modem to connect the internet. Science and Religion give you a way to connect to the unkown. They aren't the unknown or the internet themselves, they just give you a way to connect. They can't (as of 9/10/2014, support net neutrality) tell you what you can and cannot  see or experience because of the internet. They can't tell you that you aren't allowed to change ISPs or use another every once in awhile. That is a persons choice, it is their right to choose how and what to believe in, or what ISP to use. Just because your parents believe in it and the people around you do doesn't make it right. Be an independent thinking human being and use the brain your god gave you and think for yourself. Just because your parents are catholic doesn't mean you can't be a Buddhist. Just because they use Comcast doesn't mean you can't switch to FIOS.

Now, it's not right to discriminate because some people use other ISPs or believe in other religions. It's not right to have a superiority based on yours. You're not better than anyone for what you use/believe. A church sign once read: "God likes loving atheists more than hateful Christians."

There's irony if a homophobic sports fan is singing"We Are The Champions" before a game.

Don't hate on people for what they believe in because you believe in something else. Don't hate gay people because your religion isn't down with two dudes getting it on. It's none of your business and as long as they don't discriminate against you for liking the opposite gender it's all good, man. Your life shouldn't revolve around if another person likes the pole or the hole, it doesn't change your life.

Back to Elton, him loving men in no way changes how good his songs sound. Or his place in music history.

Basically what I'm trying to say is love everyone, don't be a dick.

That's it, that's something every religion can get behind. Right?


I think Pope Francis is really a huge supporter of this. He really is an admirable religious leader., especially when there's a good chance the more moving and shaking he does the more likely he is some zealot with a gun will come and put an end to his time as pope. I  mean no disrespect by this. I really enjoy this article discussing his best quotes. He's an open minded guy trying to bring Catholicism into the 21st century.  How can you not love him? He gives out Joyrides on the Popemobile!

How can you not just like the guy? He just seems like a cool dude.

This isn't the 12th century, the crusades are over, did you not see the third Indiana Jones movie? The time for wars over religion should be long behind us. I think we have come far enough as a species to know that that shouldn't matter, that's no basis to judge people. Judge them on their character. It's 2014, get over yourself.

No one is more right or better than anyone else due to their beliefs. All you are doing is looking at the same world through different colored glasses.

As always, I love you all, no matter what you believe in. Or who you love.

Also, if you wanna see action hero Jesus fight zombies check this insane Spanish short-film out.

Again, if you want to reach me and tell me I'm wrong and all about your sexual relations with my mother, tweet me @TheBailey_Fox or email me at bailey.f98@gmail.com.

Peace out,
Bailey S. Fox

The Unfocused Rants and Ramblings of Bailey S. Fox

So yeah, I still use this thing. between my secret project (More details soon) and school and whatnot I've been away for almost a month. I've had a lot on my mind so I feel like barfing it out onto the internet. So this is going to be a rather unfocused and long shotgun burst of thoughts. Instead of one main topic it will be several shorter mini rants. So sit back and relax as I hit you lovelies with my thoughts at point-blank range.

Loving, Hating and The Rest
So there are several people I interact with on a regular basis that don't like me. It's a fact of life, there will always be people in life who don't like me, and I've come to accept that. But sometimes I have trouble. There will people I look up to who cannot stand me. And it hurts, it does, and sometimes in my efforts to get them to like me I further alienate them. 

Heh, get it? Alienate? Aliens? 

It creates this endless whirlpool of blah feelings. I have this thing where I want to be liked by everyone but I don't want to conform or change to suit people's liking. I want to be me in all my emotionally unstable eccentric glory. And some people love it and some people hate it. I appear to be a man of extremes. No middle grounds. There also seems to be two ways of liking me. Liking me despite all my flaws or because of them. It all depends on perspective.

F**k Your System
I am not a fan of uncompromising rules life is too unpredictable and unique, too full of what ifs to have rules without exception. But the exceptions can not be set in stone due to the people who will exploit the loopholes for selfish gain. I also hate bureaucracy, I'm working on a project and I want to use the school as the place to film that. But the amount of hoops I've had to jump through to get a "We'll let you know" is irritating. (If any school board members are reading this please still let me film my project, pretty please) I think there should be standards and guidelines that should be judged on a case to case basis of sorts. Because sometimes when people are allowed to make their own choices they make better ones than when told what to do. For a species that prides itself on being individuals we shouldn't create uniform judgements. 
Disclaimer: Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Things like murder and rape are inexcusable and should always be punished.

The Common Core
Speaking of standards and uniformity The Common Core are a set of standards for students in grades K-12. I had to write an argument essay for class (I got a 93 on this paper. It wasn't "Source based enough") The essay can be found here.

Perpetual Ray of Sunshine
(Note: This is a late addition to the blog and was written after the original posting) I think it is very important to be a positive person. The irony of this being this whole blog post according to my girlfriend was "Pessimistic and depressing" (<3) and the sense of humor I often use is a more sarcastic, dark and cynical one, I honest to god try to be a positive person. It's too hard going day to day expecting little to nothing. There is often the philosophy of "If I expect nothing than I can't be disappointed." but then why bother doing anything. If you expect nothing than there's no reason to do things, the hope for fun and joy is gone. The reason I do things is for enjoyment. And if I go around expecting nothing then what's the point? If I have to lower my expectations to none to enjoy an event then what's the point of doing it? If you expect not to like a movie and don't really want to go see it then don't go see it. Don't go around lowering your expectations. Go find things that fulfill and meet your expectations. You only get one life, spend it enjoying things. Don't work jobs you hate with people you hate. Happiness is more important than money. Don't have a job that makes you miserable because it pays more than one that makes you happy. Happiness is always worth it. 

In Conclusion
 People aren't going to like you, but that isn't the way to define yourself. No matter how much it hurts when someone doesn't like you or likes someone better remember the ones who love you. Define your life by you and the people you love and who love you back. Be loving, accepting and forgiving. Everyone has their flaws and people put up with yours, you have no reason not to put up with theirs. Systems suck but it is the world we live in. And I suppose that it's better than all out anarchy. Always question authority. Being curious, independent and intelligent are some of the most important traits to have and to use. Being in a position of power does not make someone right. I have nothing really to say about the Common Core that I didn't already write in the essay so incase you didn't go check it out. (Yay shameless self promotion)

As always thank you for reading. I love all of you dearly. Any questions please email me bailey.f98@gmail.com or tweet me @TheBailey_Fox. Also if you haven't seen the video of Randy Newman singing "Let it Go" Please watch it. I'll post more regularly once school ends.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Growing Up And Other Curses of Mortality

In the words of my chemistry teacher: "No one is ready to grow up, I'm not even ready to grow up!" she's 26.

Growing up has been a thing that has fascinated me my entire life. The dreams of having a job and a car often took up space in my mind where math or science should have been. On Thursday I got my learner's permit. Something I have always dreamed of, driving, is now with in my reach. I have had nightmares about it six different times. I have two jobs, I work at a library and I sell hotdogs at a winery. I enjoy both jobs a great deal. They aren't what I plan on doing for the rest of my life but I do enjoy them a great deal. As most have you know or have gathered I want to be a writer/actor. I know that's shooting the moon. I mean, how many famous movies stars do you personally know? How many famous writers do you know? Exactly, most of the people you know are like teachers or bankers or whatever real adults do. I am very painfully aware of my chances of making it. And honest to god it scares me, knowing I might not be able to do what I love for a living. But that makes me want to try harder. I have every intention of writing and acting for movies and Tv. I want to go to NYU for acting and writing, and that school is really expensive and hard to get into.

But this isn't a blog post about me bellyaching about my dreams and desires this is a blog post about growing up.

What scares me the most about growing up is the amount of adults I see that really are just miserable. They have jobs they hate with people they hate. Dreams unfulfilled and just generally dissatisfied. I never want to be like that. I don't want to live in a world where eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets 3 nights a week is unacceptable. Or where I have to kiss up to a certain guy just to get ahead in a job that I hate. I don't want to live with unfulfilled  dreams and aspirations. I don't want to be surrounded by people I hate. I want to be happy with my life. I want to die knowing I did what I wanted to and was around people I love. And so often I see cases where that isn't true. That's what makes me afraid about growing up. That being an adult means having to live in a less "magical" world. Where the only way to survive is to be grouchy and pessimistic. Where being optimistic and taking chances is considered dumb . I don't want to be punished for my enthusiasm for life. I don't want to have to give up the "childish" thing that make life worth living. I don't think that adults should be shamed for liking cartoons still. I don't think they should be punished for wanting to do things they enjoyed as kids. I think they have to be mature. But I don't think growing up means you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the things you do as a kid. Be it Star Wars, Spider-Man, Adventure Time, anything really. I shouldn't be punished for day dreaming and wanting to be a writer/actor. It doesn't make my dream any less "real" than the kid who wants to build bridges or the kid who wants to be a banker, farmer, lawyer or construction worker.

When I was a kid sometimes I'd get so anxious and worried about the time I'd be "too old" to enjoy cartoons and toys. I thought there was an age where I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob. I think that the notion that growing up has to be a bad thing is what causes this unneeded fear in teens and kids.

On that note there are a lot of things I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook. I don't know what 401K means. I don't know how to drive a car yet. I don't know how to use the bank. Not knowing all these things scares me, because in less than two years I'll be expected to go into the world and be a self-reliant adult who takes care of himself. That thought scares me.

I'm not ready to give up the things like Nerf guns or Legos. I'm not ready to stop playing Pokemon.

I don't want to have a desk job.

I don't want to have a job I hate.

And if that means I'll never "be an adult" than I guess I'll deal with that down the road

I have a few more years until I have to worry about that.

I love you all <3

Bailey S. Fox

Nerds

Being a nerd. This is a topic that has been written and talked about by thousands of people. Some most notably are John Green with this quote :

Wil Wheaton also had this video  where he responds to a little girl's question about being called a nerd. I figured as a teenage writer I could throw my two cents the web's way and hope to make my point clear.

I am a nerd. Not in an ironic way. Not in a sexy way. Not in a quirky way. I didn't wake up one morning and decide to fall in love with Doctor Who. It's just what I like. It's no big statement being a nerd it doesn't define me or change who I am. I'm also not confined where I can only be a "Nerd". What I like does not define me and I have a huge problem with the "Nerd/Geek" stereotype. I have this bone to pick with Big Bang Theory. I don't like how in order to know the fact that Spock and Sherlock Holmes are canonically related as stated in the 6th Star Trek movie the person bearing that knowledge has to be some kind of awkward socially inept creature. I don't like that because it doesn't have to be true. I don't like how people who watch BBT and think that it makes them "Nerds" I mean, you can be a "Nerd" and watch it but the act of watching it does not make you a "Nerd". It's also okay to like the show. This is just my personal opinion on it. It doesn't make you cool to watch Star Wars, or Back to the Future. It doesn't make you cool to read or love math or science. But here's the secret. Being head of the football team doesn't make you cool either. Also the two "worlds" aren't mutually exclusive. You can be a star quarter back and go home and have have a great time playing D&D. Being a "Nerd" doesn't make you a virgin. Being a nerd doesn't make you cool or lame. Being good at sports doesn't make you cool or lame. You make you cool or lame. You as a person. What you do, what you say, who you say it to, whose lives you change, that's what makes you cool. Not being a Doctor Who fan, not being a Steelers fan. Being a nerd doesn't define you, it does not limit you but it does not make you superior. It's just what you love, and you love it in the same way that some people like sports, or fashion, or building things. It doesn't matter what you love it matters that you love it and you get joy from it. It's okay to love Star Trek. It's okay to hate Star Trek. It's okay To be a Jets Fan (Not really Jets suck. Go Steelers) It's okay not to be a Jets fan. But what it's not okay to do is to judge someone for having a different taste in things than you. We all love different things, if we didn't it'd be boring. The fact that there is some much to love about this world is what makes life worth living. So go dress un as Warf from TNG and go watch a football game. You can do that. Anyone can do anything. I'm going to say it again. The things you love do not define you. The actions you do are what defines you. Not liking Star Wars Does not make you better than the kid that does. Making fun of that kid for it makes you a worse person than him. If he bullies you for not liking Star Wars than he is a worse person than you are.

This post can apply to many people. Hipsters, gays, actors, sports fans, anyone. The message still stays the same. Love what you want and don't hate others if they don't love what you do. Just because someone's love is different doesn't make it bad, it makes it different. And our differences make life worth living.

Thank you for listening to my rant.
I love you all. <3

-Bailey S. Fox

P.S. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow (April 16th) and I'd like to thank him for teaching me this lesson. When he was showing me a lot of the things I'd grow to love as a teenager he never made it seem like I was "better" than others just because I liked something they didn't and vice versa. Thank you Dad, happy birthday <3

Spring Breaking My Writer's Block: Day One; Greetings From The Carosel Capitol Of The World

So this is my first blog post from Binghamton, New York. I am staying at my grandparent's house attempting to break through my writer's block as you can tell from the amazing pun in the title.

So this is the view from my room here at the house of my grandparents who are very graciously letting me stay here for a few days. So here I am in the first (Of three so far) attempt to write this post.

Before I sat down in bed and started to attempt this I had a lovely dinner at Michael Angelo's here in Binghamton where I had the world's largest chicken parm as can be seen here.

It doesn't seem big in the picture but trust me it was huge.

So after that we came back to the house and watched some news and I went to write this post and got distracted with taking pictures instead like this one.

I think the picture thing might be breaking up the flow of the blog. In all actuality I'm posting them because I have nothing really to write. For those of you playing at home this is the 5th time I have sat down to write this blog and have stopped. Thought I sense an ending of sorts soon. Tomorrow I think I'm going to rant about why I don't like James Patterson. I have this new app called "HabitRPG" and it's like a to-do list and every time more XP like in a video game. It's pretty great with motivating me to do things. Well I know I didn't break any new ground with this post but it feels nice writing something even if it is just a bland summary of my day.

See you upon the morrow.
-Bailey S. Fox

Writer's Block and Other Creative Geometry

So after writing my post about my emotional short-comings and watching it grow in views and people's responses to what I said, it filled me with this overwhelming feeling of pride, humbleness, excitement and the desire to tell every person alive. It was an incredible feeling to have people connect emotionally to my rants.

Humblebrag

This blog is basically just my therapy. I write into the digital void and hope to make other people feel. So with the knowledge that I did it once before I set out to do it again.

This was about a week and a half ago.

I hated what I was writing, I didn't get that feeling of pride I usually get when I write something.

So I didn't post.

Earlier this week I went out so write another post, a new one.

The same result.

The jokes felt so forced and bad. None of the words were flowing.

It was like pulling teeth and trying to sell them.

So I didn't post that and I posted a short story I wrote a month ago instead. (Shameless plug)

After much internal reflection I came to the conclusion that I had writer's block.

So after much thought I called up my grandparents and made arrangements to run off and go there to try and re-ignite my creative flame.

A whole 56.2 miles!

But I have a plan, this isn't going to be a half assed attempt. I have a list of things I'm going to do.

• Write daily blog posts about my exploits
• Film everything I'm doing in hopes a story appears somewhere and I can make a pseudo-doccumentary
• Watch a bunch of tv and movies
• Read
• Interview my grandparents
• interview random strangers
• Interview friends

And that's kinda the plan, I'm really hoping for the best here. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Regards,
Bailey S. Fox

Soul In a Purse (Short Story)

Note: The following is a short story I recently submitted to a writing contest. It is called "Soul In A Purse". Enjoy -Bailey S. Fox

It was an average November New York City day. The skies were cold and the color of iron and  the streets were bitterly cold. Jonas was in his 57^th street apartment with his girlfriend, Lucy.

“I'm sorry Jonas, I just don't think it's going to work out between us.” Lucy said, her crimson lips forming the words that stabbed Jonas like a knife in the heart.

“Why? I don't understand.” Jonas said, his brain struggled to form words. It felt as if his soul was being ripped from his chest.

He looked down, it was.

“What the-” Jonas exclaimed. Lucy's hand was in his chest.

“Shh, talking makes it hurt more.” Lucy said, a devilish grin on her lips. “I mean really, what did you expect?” She went on fishing around in his chest. “My name is Lucy S. Atan. Lucifer Satan, did you really not figure that out? I wear red, all the time, literally every day.”

“So wait, I've been dating a dude the last three years?” Jonas said, his brain wasn't fully grasping the situation at hand.

“Is that really the first question you're asking?” She looked at Jonas, when he didn't respond she went on. “To answer your question, no. I have no defined gender. Neither does god for that matter. We can be either or, or neither. It doesn't really matter to be perfectly honest. Though it seems society likes to make us male traditionally. How misogynistic.” She fished around for a few more moments. “I here it is! A bit hard to find, it seems you're not exactly the passionate type. Or the moral type for that matter, though I know that, I dated you for three years.”

“You weren't exactly an angel yourself, Lucy.”

“Technically I am but I'm a fallen... oh why bother explaining. Well, I'll be taking this.” She said waiving his soul at him.

“Shouldn't I be dead or something? You do have my soul and broke my heart and stuff.”

“Oh no silly, that's not how this works. See your soul is the home of your emotions and your passion and your morals. All of your creativity and feelings and ethics are in here.” She said dropping the soul into her purse. “You'll still be alive, you'll have all of your intelligence... not that there's much of that. But you'll be like a drone, you'll still talk and everything. You'll be amoral. You'll be very neutral. Doesn't that sound like fun?”

“Why are you taking my soul? What did I do to you?”Jonas said in a monotone voice.

“You were a lousy boyfriend. You forgot our anniversary all three times.”

“No I only forgot twice, our three year is next week.” Jonas said maintaining the same pitch in his voice.

“It was last week you fool. This is why I'm dumping you.” She screamed in his face.

 “But do you need to take my soul?”

“Well, you know what they say...” She put on sunglasses and headed for the door “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” She winked before disappearing in puff of smoke.

Jonas stood there dumbfounded as the smoke wafted up and set of the alarm system in his apartment. Water rained from the sprinklers.

“I dated the devil...” Jonas stood there as he was soaked by the pour of water from the ceiling came down upon him.

Later that week Jonas sat in his best friend's apartment in Queens.

“It smells in here, you're a slob and you're balding.” Jonas said without any emotion.

“You've become a real jerk since you lost your soul, you know that?” Jonas's best friend Mike said to him.

“I'm just telling you the truth.”

 “Well it seems we're out of luck. I can't find anything on Google about reclaiming your soul from your devil ex-girlfriend. The most I can find is a satanic church and a bunch of guys crying over being dumped.”

“Google how to summon the devil.”

“On it. If I get dragged to hell I'm bringing your soulless butt with me.”

“Sure thing.”

Six hours later Jonas and Mike were in the middle of a salt pentagram and a bunch of scented candles.

“We have to clean this all up before Jenny gets home, if she finds out I summoned the devil with her bath candles we might be down another soul.”

“Sure thing, just start the chant.” Jonas replied.

After several minutes of throat shredding chants, Lucy appeared in the living room. Except it wasn't 

Lucy, it was a black haired man in his thirties in a charcoal suit and a red tie.

“Really Jonas? You're going to summon me and have Mike here beg for your soul back?”

“That was more or less the whole idea.” Jonas said.

“Jonas, how has your life changed in the last week?” Lucy asked, though it was weird to hear her words come from a male voice.

“It hasn't really.”

“Exactly, Jonas, you rarely used your soul. You work 9-5 in a Walmart. If anything I helped you there. What did you say you always were going to do?” Lucy questioned.

“Well I was going to become a writer.”

“Exactly that's what you went to college for. That's where I met you. You were 22 at NYU about to graduate. Here we are 3 years later and you haven't written a thing. You never did anything after you graduated. You've been putting off your dreams. So I took your soul, you weren't using it anyways. At least you can't hate your job any more.”

“I want it back.”

“You can't have it back, it's already damaged from the removal. It was so unused. I'd have to give you a new one and you'd waste it. That is if you survived the shock of receiving a whole new soul.”

“I'll do it, what have I got to lose?” Jonas said.

“You always have something to lose, like your life.” Lucy replied.

“I'll gamble my life for a new soul.”

“That's awfully suicidal for a man who can't feel any desire to die.”

“How are we going to do this?”

“We're going to do it the old fashion way. You're going to have a drinking game with the devil.”

“You're not even human, that's not fair.”

“You don't have a soul to care.”

“What's the game?” Jonas asked. Surveying his odds.

“It's a classic. Whichever one of us can do the most shots without vomiting or passing out wins your life and a new soul.” Lucy said.

They pulled a table to the middle of the room. Go two chairs, shot glasses and bottles of booze.

“Jonas, what good is a new soul if your liver fails?” Mike questioned nervously.

“Like she said, I don't have a soul to care.”

The former couple sat at the table. Lucy had changed faces once more, she was back to her old self. For some reason this didn't help Jonas.

“Hello, I am your waiter for tonight and our special is the devil in the bottle.” Mike said trying to break the awkwardness.

“Shut up and pour.” Lucy said, steel in her voice. She was determined not to lose.”

Jonas and Lucy took their first shot, and their second, and so on. Jonas could swear Charlie Daniels' 

 “The Devil Came Down To Georgia” was playing as they knocked back an ever-increasing amount of shots.

After an eternity and three bottles, Lucy and Jonas were clinging to their consciousness and their lunches. Lucy knocked back half a shot before it spilled and she passed out. Jonas threw his shot back and raised his hands in victory. Then, his liver failed and he died.

He awoke to a white nothingness. He was wearing all gray. He looked around and spotted Lucy in a blue dress.

“I like the change of color.” Jonas said. “Oh my god I like something, my soul is back!”

“Congratulations, you gave the devil alcohol poisoning and won back your soul. Here you are in limbo as the fates decide what to do with you. You dated the devil for three years and they don't like that but you killed my mortal body tapping me in Hell for a while. At least a century or two before I'll be back to tempt you mortals.”

“Is this a good enough deed I can go back alive.”

“It might be, so what are you going to do if you go back?”

“I'm going to quit Walmart. I have an interesting enough story here. I'll write it down and send it to every publisher I can. If that doesn't work I'll self publish. It might be better to do that. The last thing I need is to sell my soul to another person.”

Lucy laughed, “Well I wish you the best of luck.”

“Are you going to stick with the blue?”

“I might, do you think is suits me?”

“It does, who says the devil needs to be decked in red all the time?” Jonas said laughing. He noticed his surroundings start to change.

“Good bye Jonas, looks like you're going back after all. Don't let me down. Also make sure you do me justice in your book. I can still make your life difficult from Hell.”

“Yes, ma'am” Jonas said with a salute.

Jonas woke up in a hospital room. A crowd of doctors around him.

“It's a miracle!” one cried.

“He was dead for 15 minutes!” another one said. More doctors made similar cries. Jonas laughed, it felt good to be alive.

Three weeks after his death and rebirth he walked into Walmart. Jonas now had a white streak in his dark hair. It appeared after his rebirth. He liked it, it added to the half dead persona. Jonas marched into the manager's office. After a few minutes he emerged, now unemployed. Jonas couldn't care less. This was the best he had felt in years.

Later that night he sad down in his apartment. He opened up Microsoft word and began typing his story. A year and a half later it would find its way onto the New York Times Best Seller list right above Patterson's latest Alex Cross novel. Jonas would continue to write tales of the half dead man and his Devil ex-girlfriend.

Walls, Moats, and Other Emotional Defensive Architecture

This is the second blog post in which I talk about my emotions and alienate whatever readers I have that I don't personally know. Let's get started, shall we?

Well I guess I should start this by saying I don't deal well with my own emotions. From what I know that is actually a required trait to be a writer, so at least I have that going for me. I'm a very emotional person, I've tried many different ways of coping with it in the past, from shutting it out, to pushing people away, from letting my emotions control me and letting my logic and reason be swept away like the third horse that didn't make the cut when Noah was choosing his pairs to board the Ark.

None of these are good or really healthy. I need my emotions. The reason I'm a writer is because it's what helps me channel my emotions and convey them better. 

In conjunction with that I may not have always been the nicest, most moral, or most understanding of people. And I'm trying to change that. 

I tend to use my anger and rudeness to keep people out and obviously that's not working. No matter how rude or mean I am to my friends they stick around and keep trying to cheer me up and they have no idea how much that means to me. 

But that doesn't mean they always will, I should stop trying to keep them out because eventually they will give up and I never want that to happen.

So, what prompted this?

Well this morning I was laying in bed and I was listening to the Harmontown podcast.

Featuring Community Creator Dan Harmon

It was their recent live SXSW episode. They had a woman, I think her name was Katie, and she was talking about how she feels overwhelmed by her emotions and the comptroller Jeff Davis said something that really struck me and inspired me to write this blog post. 

     

 "The ability to feel strongly about something is the most important thing in the world and I think that I've grown up a little bit... we use to keep the world away and you learn as you grow up letting people in is really dangerous emotionally... I've gotten better at finding quick, clever ways to keep people at arm's length, and that does not make your life better at all." 

And I realized that he's right. I need to not be afraid of letting people care about me. I get to this place where someone is like "Oh Bailey I love you and you're the best." and I don't believe them, I keep waiting for someone to hurt me, and sometimes I get paranoid and just cut them out of my life before they can cut me out of theirs. And it's a horrible thing to do, it's lonely and I feel stupid because now I'm at a point where half the people that want to love and care about me and who think I'm amazing I push away. Maybe I think they're better than me, maybe I think they can do better, maybe I'm waiting for them to hurt me or whatever. Whatever reason I come up with doesn't justify what I do.

I guess what I'm saying is a lot of things. 

1) I'm sorry, everyone. Those that I've pushed away and hurt. I told you that I loved you and I did not keep my promise

2) As scary as it is you have to let people in and let them love you. Pushing people away hurts you and alienates you to the world. Even if people have hurt you in the past it's no excuse to push people away that want to help you now.

3) Apologize more.

4) Don't be a prick.

5) Tell the people you love that you love them.

Now I know this doesn't excuse what I've done or said. But I hope this at least is a good first step. I know I mess up a lot and I know some of you are tired of hearing this but I feel the need to say it anyways.

I love you guys. You know who you are. I'm sorry I'm a bitter, grumpy, immature, bastard but I do love you all, even if I push you away and don't say it nearly enough.

<3

-Bailey S. Fox

Shouting, Yelling And Other Displays of Affection

      Anyone who knows me in real life knows for all my amazing traits I'm bad at interpersonal relationships.

Me irl + a filter. Look at my handsomeness, right?

I try really hard but I'm bad at conveying thoughts and emotions from myself to another person. I tend to get caught up and yell which makes the other person yell and it tends to go down hill very quickly.
But why am I telling you this?
Well, I believe if I'm going to get on my soapbox and preach to the internet my beliefs I should be honest about my own short comings. Especially when part of what I do is call out others for their's.
So yeah, I'm bad at conveying emotions through face to face interactions. And I feel bad cause I just want to help the people I love and explain what I mean but it goes wrong and I say dumb things.
Now I know this is a very typical problem and there's nothings "quirky" or "unique" about having trouble expressing yourself.
I'm not trying to be. There's nothing spectacular about me, I'm not trying to put myself above anyone even though I'm a narcissistic and believe anyone cares enough to hear about my rants and ramblings. But I'm still going to do this.
I'm actually going to try to help all you lovely people with your faces glued to your LCD monitors who somehow found this.
There is something wrong with you. You have something that isn't that great about you that always gets you in trouble. And you can complain about it and apologize for it and all kinds of things but it's always going to be there to some extent. You have to accept that. You get nothing done hating yourself over it and in fact it will probably make it worse.
But no matter how bad whatever thing that's "Wrong" about you is there will always be people who love you despite and because of it. Even though I have this problem I have a fantastic group of friends that love and accept me. And they all have their flaws but without them they wouldn't be them at all and they wouldn't be the people I love. So love thyself. Because someone loves you.
If Eva Braun can love Hitler someone can love you even if you are Awkward or shy or depressed or have a lisp or think you're annoying. You have friends. Even when it doesn't seem like it there is someone somewhere who doesn't hate your guts and that my dear friends is what gets us through the day.
We do great things for the people we love and they do great things for us. Even if it's a hug or a smile or even asking what's wrong people love you, no matter how "Weird" and "unlikable" you think you are. Also remember to love you, cause you're the one person you're stuck with from day one until we are dead in the ground so you might as well love you. You can't expect others to love you if you don't love you. THE LOVE HAS GOTTA COME FROM WITHIN MAN. DON'T RELY 100% ON OTHERS FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.
Well that got weird fast.
And if you read all this I love you, so add random internet writer kid to that list <3
-Bailey S. Fox
P.S. If you're my friend IRL and read this I love you a lot even if I kinda suck at showing it at times <3

The Writer and The Artist

DISCLAIMER: It's Valentines day so I don't have to justify this. So yeah. Enjoy you cynical bastards. Happy Valentines day.

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One day there is a boy. He is an awkward boy. He watches a lot of TV some say too much TV. He likes to imagine his life as a TV show. He one day meets a girl, she is an artist. She learned from her dad. She is a very pretty girl. The two are in kindergarten together. The girl likes the boy. The boy is oblivious, still dreaming with his head stuck in the clouds. The boy makes his friends pretend to act in movies. The girl would always play along. The boy is in many plays. He is a munchkin and a paper boy and all kinds of things in plays. The boy and girl hang out a lot, the girl really likes the boy. He is still obvious. One day the boy moves to a new school. He doesn't tell the girl. The girl is heart-broken to find her friend gone. The boy does not fit in at his new school. He doesn't really know how to make friends. He still day dreams and plays make-believe with the kids who do befriend him. He still dreams of his life as a TV show. He enjoys writing. He writes stories. He rarely finishes anything, already dreaming of the next story before the first one was even finished. The girl continues to draw and paint. She misses her best friend still.
The Two grow up. The boy still writes and dreams and the girl still draws and paints. They forget each other over time. Only occasional thoughts float through their head of one another.
Years pass. They date people, as young teenagers do. Not all of them were probably the best. One day the boy visits the town the girl lives in for the 4th of July. The boy runs into the girl. She remembers him long before he even registers who she is. They talk and trade numbers.
They talk, the girl is even cooler than the boy remembers. He develops a crush on her but is too afraid to act on it. They talk about hanging out but never do. The girl goes on to date some guy the boy goes on to date some girl. Years pass, they're still friends. It is the summer before their freshman year of High School. The girl has some new boyfriend. The boy vows to ask the girl out the next time she is single. This takes a bit longer than expected.
 A year and seven months pass. The boy has since left his awkward stage for the most part. He still lives with his head in the clouds and writes but he is more social and grounded.  The girl has grown up to be a lovely and talented artist. They boy has dated a few girls, and is currently dating one. When the girl and her boyfriend break up. They boy comforts the girl. A month later the boy and his girlfriend break up because of fighting and other things. A few weeks pass. The boy realizes his feelings for the girl and confesses them on a snow day. She does not reciprocate them. The boy works hard to change this. The girl has a birthday party coming up. The boy compiles the best gift he can using his skill and all the memories they share. The party comes, the boy is afraid of being to clingy so he works hard to keep his cool around the girl. She opens the gifts. He can tell by her reaction that the gift has worked. When it is time to say goodbye the girl's friend tells the boy to kiss her. He doesn't, cause he's a pussy, but they do hug. As they break away they hold hands for a moment before the boy leaves.
The girl texts him saying that she loved the gift and did reciprocate his feelings.
The boy and girl dream of traveling the world. They dream of the places they'd see and the people they'd meet and the stories they'd share.
This is the end of this story and the beginning of theirs as they travel off into the world together.
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Yeah, it's sappy, but it is valentines day, so get over it.
Happy Valentines day, Yo
Bailey S. Fox