This is it. This is what I've been waiting three years to do. This is my final blog post.
You can actually see if you go back, not that you should, but you can see me start to think about ending the blog as early as 2015. But I didn't and I think it was good because I still had a lot to say. But now, I think I'm done.
It's not so much that I have nothing left to say. I have plenty still to say, but this is no longer the platform for it. And I've got to stop doing these to myself.
I think for a while I got so caught up in writing this and being a person as filtered through this blog that I forgot how to be a person. And since the whole point of this blog was to become a better person, a more me person, the fact that it's getting in the way of that, shows it's time to stop.
I think there was a period of time where I only cared about being me and being better for me for the sake of a new blog post. All I thought about were new blog posts. I would cut myself open and rip myself a part for the fucking sake of a new blog post. And I'm so proud of what I've done, and what I've created, but it's time to stop.
The theme of the blog has been "I Bailey S. Fox want to be a better person," and now it's time to do that, beyond what I can write.
But before I go, I want to give you some updates.
I've been working out. For the first time in my life I am approaching something that might be an actual appreciation for my body. I don't always hate being undressed. It's not an end result, I still have a lot of work to accomplish, but it's progress. And I'm very happy to have been making it.
I've been making better choices for myself. I've been eating healthier and I've been trying to take care of myself emotionally. I've started seeing a therapist, I've started working on my communication skills, I've started a record of things that make my happy every day. I'm slowly no longer becoming a self destructive person trapped in his own constant cycle. Maybe I can break out of this.
And also, I'm currently working to try and discover myself outside the context of a relationship. Because spoiler, I'm not in one. So now, and I'm really going to try my damnedest, I want to discover who I am without the context of another. I want to give my life meaning and purpose outside of another person. I want to do this for me. I'm ending this blog, for me, I'm working out, for me. I'm making better choices, for me. I'm going to therapy, for me.
I want to be a better me, for me.
I've watched artists I admire step away from work in such graceful ways. Bo Burnham with "Are you Happy?" at the end of "Make Happy" or the Epilogue at the end of "The Tempest." And while I'm nowhere near as important or relevant as those artists, I step away from this blog now. There is more for me. It's time to stop analyzing what I'm doing and just do the damn thing.
Thank you all for reading the last three years. The nearly 20,000 views, for reading each and every last one of the 84 blog posts I've made. Thank you for the love and support you have given me. I can never thank you all enough for this, all of this. It's meant the world to me.
I will be happy, it's time to move forward. It's time to find myself, and the world outside of me.
For the last time,
thanks for reading.
Love,
Bailey Olmstead
<3
You can actually see if you go back, not that you should, but you can see me start to think about ending the blog as early as 2015. But I didn't and I think it was good because I still had a lot to say. But now, I think I'm done.
It's not so much that I have nothing left to say. I have plenty still to say, but this is no longer the platform for it. And I've got to stop doing these to myself.
I think for a while I got so caught up in writing this and being a person as filtered through this blog that I forgot how to be a person. And since the whole point of this blog was to become a better person, a more me person, the fact that it's getting in the way of that, shows it's time to stop.
I think there was a period of time where I only cared about being me and being better for me for the sake of a new blog post. All I thought about were new blog posts. I would cut myself open and rip myself a part for the fucking sake of a new blog post. And I'm so proud of what I've done, and what I've created, but it's time to stop.
The theme of the blog has been "I Bailey S. Fox want to be a better person," and now it's time to do that, beyond what I can write.
But before I go, I want to give you some updates.
I've been working out. For the first time in my life I am approaching something that might be an actual appreciation for my body. I don't always hate being undressed. It's not an end result, I still have a lot of work to accomplish, but it's progress. And I'm very happy to have been making it.
I've been making better choices for myself. I've been eating healthier and I've been trying to take care of myself emotionally. I've started seeing a therapist, I've started working on my communication skills, I've started a record of things that make my happy every day. I'm slowly no longer becoming a self destructive person trapped in his own constant cycle. Maybe I can break out of this.
And also, I'm currently working to try and discover myself outside the context of a relationship. Because spoiler, I'm not in one. So now, and I'm really going to try my damnedest, I want to discover who I am without the context of another. I want to give my life meaning and purpose outside of another person. I want to do this for me. I'm ending this blog, for me, I'm working out, for me. I'm making better choices, for me. I'm going to therapy, for me.
I want to be a better me, for me.
I've watched artists I admire step away from work in such graceful ways. Bo Burnham with "Are you Happy?" at the end of "Make Happy" or the Epilogue at the end of "The Tempest." And while I'm nowhere near as important or relevant as those artists, I step away from this blog now. There is more for me. It's time to stop analyzing what I'm doing and just do the damn thing.
Thank you all for reading the last three years. The nearly 20,000 views, for reading each and every last one of the 84 blog posts I've made. Thank you for the love and support you have given me. I can never thank you all enough for this, all of this. It's meant the world to me.
I will be happy, it's time to move forward. It's time to find myself, and the world outside of me.
For the last time,
thanks for reading.
Love,
Bailey Olmstead
<3
