It's been 2 years, 12,000+ views, 70 posts, over 100,000 words, hundreds of bad puns, and the constant emotional support of you, my friends and audience who read these. Thank you all, now and forever. What on Earth could I write about after two years? Well, I'm here to write about the one thing, depending on who you ask, I'm either the foremost expert in, or the least qualified person to ask.
They say to be considered and expert on anything you have to be at it for 10,000 hours.
Which is why this week I'm talking about relationships.
I know what some of the older readers are going to say (Dad, I'm typing at you here.) But, I think I have as much right to talk about his as I have had every other topic, so let's get down to it.
In this blog I have written about many girlfriends, and had others through out the course of my existance, and it's weird to me to be someone who is defined by that fact. Because to me it makes up such a smaller portion of who I am, but if you've met me in the last 5 years most likely the first words out of your mouth would have been "oh, you dated Insert ex's name here." And there is legitimacy to that, I really have dated a lot of people, 17 if you go by the Trumansburg count. And that's something I'm more ashamed of that I let on a lot of the time, I'm not ashamed of the women I've dated, and I won't ever be, because regardless of the comentary and thoughts of others, at one point or another I really did have feelings for these women, healthy or not, and therefore I shouldn't be ashamed.
No one should make you feel ashamed for how you feel/felt.
And in these five years, 17 girls, and any other number of psuedo/almost/near miss relationships I've had, I've learned a lot. And that's what I'm here to talk about.
Date someone who makes you feel good about yourself.
Duh.
Right?
I feel like John Mulaney and I are the only two people who missed out on that memo, but I have date women who have made me hate myself, adn only in time and growth have I learned that. I guess since I hated myself and I thought I was a piece of shit I also assumed that the women I date were supposed to reinforce that thought. As the book Perks of Being a Wallflower so rightfully said, we accept the love we think we deserve.
Just remember, you're better than that.
I'm better than that.
Don't date a cheater.
Duh.
Right?
Context.
But seriously, that is a concious choice, and if they made it before they're likely to make it again and while redemtion is possible, the odds certainly aren't in your favor.
Don't leave your friends for them.
If they ask you to choice them or your friends, choose your friends, your freinds aren't going to sleep with their ex boyfriend instead of seeing your concert and hearing your sweet ass solo.
Listen, you're going to be hurt in relationships, that's a given.
No one gets out of this world in one whole peice, but you can't let that screw up what you have now, I've been a closed off guy. I've walled myself up to the world and it's a miserable and lonely existance, the idea of becoming a jaded old man is really tempting, but you know what, if you ask me, I'd rather wear my heart on my sleeve than ever building more walls.
There are a lot of reasons to be with a person and marry them and everything.
I know that I am infact, not married and will not be for several years, that does not mean I haven't learned something about it.
There are a lot of reasons to spend the rest of your life with someone, but make sure for the love of god, make sure it isn't something that is going to change, because if that's the foundation and it crumbles, then it all goes to shit.
I throw myself into relationships, and sometimes, most of the time it's not to my advantage, but I also know that it's a lot harder to undo the walls than it is to repair the damage left by not having them in the first place. Over the years I constructed a me that wasn't me, and that's a werid thing to think about. And I sti here before you all and the me-est me I have ever been. I've left behind the fear, I've left behind the arrogance and the anger. I've left behind a lot, and I've lost a lot but I've gained so much that I'd give it up all over again to keep what I have.
It's okay to leave too through.
The only thing worse than a failed relationship is staying around too long. As most of you know I have lost myself many a time trying to save people who don't want to be saved. It's okay to leave. Please, especially if it's for your own good. No matter the residual guilt, it's alright to leave, this is the hardest lesson I've had to learn.
I've been with people because I was lonely, I've been with people because I was impulsive, I've been with people because I was horny, I know I'm hippocritical here, but I also have learned from my mistakes. I know it's easy to look at me and only see a serial dater, but I stand here, adn I will attest to the death that I cared about these people, every last one of them. And while I have had relationships notorious throughout the county I do not regret them because they have made me into who I am today, and I think I'm a good guy.
The girl I'm with, Caitlin (Hi cait!)
She's spectacular, and she's the whole world to me. And I have to remember the lessons I've learned with her. Specifically not to be a pretentious dick. Relationships are a lot of work, and I've been doing my best not to let this one crumble into disrepair. And I think I've done a really good job, I think it's going really well. I know it is. It's the best I've ever known.
I think being in love is offering to give up everything you have to be with the person but being safe in knowing that you won't have to. I have that.
I also know that I am me with or without whatever S/O I have.
And it's hard, as someone with 16 exes who just came out as bisexual, because a lot of people (mom) have called me out and questioned me, because like, I've dated so many girls how on Earth can anyone be expected to believe I'm also attracted to men?
On the other had I fear that my guy friends think I'm hitting on them when I'm just trying to be nice, regardless of what genitalia I am into I'm a really nice guy.
I also think the most important thing I've gained is female friends that I don't want to date or sleep with or anything. Female friends who are jsut friends, like every other friend I have, and I think it's dumb that people say you can't have friends of the gender you are attracted to.
It's dumb.
Society is dumb.
The virginity construct is a dumb idea, but until as a society we all let it go, then we will never be free of the irreparable damage it can cause.
They say to be considered and expert on anything you have to be at it for 10,000 hours.
Which is why this week I'm talking about relationships.
I know what some of the older readers are going to say (Dad, I'm typing at you here.) But, I think I have as much right to talk about his as I have had every other topic, so let's get down to it.
In this blog I have written about many girlfriends, and had others through out the course of my existance, and it's weird to me to be someone who is defined by that fact. Because to me it makes up such a smaller portion of who I am, but if you've met me in the last 5 years most likely the first words out of your mouth would have been "oh, you dated Insert ex's name here." And there is legitimacy to that, I really have dated a lot of people, 17 if you go by the Trumansburg count. And that's something I'm more ashamed of that I let on a lot of the time, I'm not ashamed of the women I've dated, and I won't ever be, because regardless of the comentary and thoughts of others, at one point or another I really did have feelings for these women, healthy or not, and therefore I shouldn't be ashamed.
No one should make you feel ashamed for how you feel/felt.
And in these five years, 17 girls, and any other number of psuedo/almost/near miss relationships I've had, I've learned a lot. And that's what I'm here to talk about.
Date someone who makes you feel good about yourself.
Duh.
Right?
I feel like John Mulaney and I are the only two people who missed out on that memo, but I have date women who have made me hate myself, adn only in time and growth have I learned that. I guess since I hated myself and I thought I was a piece of shit I also assumed that the women I date were supposed to reinforce that thought. As the book Perks of Being a Wallflower so rightfully said, we accept the love we think we deserve.
Just remember, you're better than that.
I'm better than that.
Don't date a cheater.
Duh.
Right?
Context.
But seriously, that is a concious choice, and if they made it before they're likely to make it again and while redemtion is possible, the odds certainly aren't in your favor.
Don't leave your friends for them.
If they ask you to choice them or your friends, choose your friends, your freinds aren't going to sleep with their ex boyfriend instead of seeing your concert and hearing your sweet ass solo.
Listen, you're going to be hurt in relationships, that's a given.
No one gets out of this world in one whole peice, but you can't let that screw up what you have now, I've been a closed off guy. I've walled myself up to the world and it's a miserable and lonely existance, the idea of becoming a jaded old man is really tempting, but you know what, if you ask me, I'd rather wear my heart on my sleeve than ever building more walls.
There are a lot of reasons to be with a person and marry them and everything.
I know that I am infact, not married and will not be for several years, that does not mean I haven't learned something about it.
There are a lot of reasons to spend the rest of your life with someone, but make sure for the love of god, make sure it isn't something that is going to change, because if that's the foundation and it crumbles, then it all goes to shit.
I throw myself into relationships, and sometimes, most of the time it's not to my advantage, but I also know that it's a lot harder to undo the walls than it is to repair the damage left by not having them in the first place. Over the years I constructed a me that wasn't me, and that's a werid thing to think about. And I sti here before you all and the me-est me I have ever been. I've left behind the fear, I've left behind the arrogance and the anger. I've left behind a lot, and I've lost a lot but I've gained so much that I'd give it up all over again to keep what I have.
It's okay to leave too through.
The only thing worse than a failed relationship is staying around too long. As most of you know I have lost myself many a time trying to save people who don't want to be saved. It's okay to leave. Please, especially if it's for your own good. No matter the residual guilt, it's alright to leave, this is the hardest lesson I've had to learn.
I've been with people because I was lonely, I've been with people because I was impulsive, I've been with people because I was horny, I know I'm hippocritical here, but I also have learned from my mistakes. I know it's easy to look at me and only see a serial dater, but I stand here, adn I will attest to the death that I cared about these people, every last one of them. And while I have had relationships notorious throughout the county I do not regret them because they have made me into who I am today, and I think I'm a good guy.
The girl I'm with, Caitlin (Hi cait!)
She's spectacular, and she's the whole world to me. And I have to remember the lessons I've learned with her. Specifically not to be a pretentious dick. Relationships are a lot of work, and I've been doing my best not to let this one crumble into disrepair. And I think I've done a really good job, I think it's going really well. I know it is. It's the best I've ever known.
I think being in love is offering to give up everything you have to be with the person but being safe in knowing that you won't have to. I have that.
I also know that I am me with or without whatever S/O I have.
And it's hard, as someone with 16 exes who just came out as bisexual, because a lot of people (mom) have called me out and questioned me, because like, I've dated so many girls how on Earth can anyone be expected to believe I'm also attracted to men?
On the other had I fear that my guy friends think I'm hitting on them when I'm just trying to be nice, regardless of what genitalia I am into I'm a really nice guy.
I also think the most important thing I've gained is female friends that I don't want to date or sleep with or anything. Female friends who are jsut friends, like every other friend I have, and I think it's dumb that people say you can't have friends of the gender you are attracted to.
It's dumb.
Society is dumb.
The virginity construct is a dumb idea, but until as a society we all let it go, then we will never be free of the irreparable damage it can cause.
Look at this kid, that's me four years ago Monday, he is two weeks away from losing his virginity and changing his life forever. That kid is someone totally different from who I am now and it's insane to me to think that we're the same person.
Listen kid, keep your head up, you'll figure it out someday. Until then, keep writing.
And listen a lot of you might have gone through something similar, some of you might not want relationships, and I get that. All of you are perfect, no matter what you prefer.
I'm still learning and I'm still making mistakes. But hey, I think there is something special about this one.
I love her, I really do. I think I got it right this time, I really do.
Thank you for two successful years, when I stared this I couldn't imagine this level of love, success, or readership, thank you all. You're all wonderful people!
Also happy Valentines Day!
See you next week!
Godspeed.
I love you all.
<3
Sincerely,
Bailey S. Fox
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