What I learned in 2016 is...

WHAT I LEARNED IN 2016 IS... IS... IS IIIIIIISSSS

Man, what a year, right? It's sucked, a lot. So much. But thinking back, I'm pretty sure I said that at the end of 2014 too, and 2015. Maybe as far back as 2012 and 2013, but I tend to not think about those years too hard. But the point is, was this year any worse, really?

Me thinking about 2016

And like, yeah, kinda. It really sucked. I mean, we lost Bowie, PRINCE, Carrie Fisher, Alan Rickman, Leonard Cohen. George Michael, on Christmas of all days, the day when he is most significant. The day after we lost Carrie Fisher, her mother, Debbie Reynolds passed away. Gene Wilder! For fuck's sake we lost Gene Wilder! Like, how do you continue. And not to mention all the other shit that happened this year, Brexit, Trump, countless shootings, I don't really want to go on, you were there, you know what happened and who we lost.

But I'm not content to just wallow in the filth of this year, I want to pull something from this year, I want to make it better, maybe just for me, but maybe for you too.

WHAT I LEARNED IN 2016 IS:

Carrie Fisher taught me to be proud of my mental illness, and advocate for myself. She taught me that I can still kick ass and kill space slugs while struggling with inner demons. Most importantly she taught me that I can go out on a high note, such as revealing I had sex with Harrison Ford and then blissing out like a champ.

David Bowie taught me there's no right way to be a man, and there is no right way to be proud of my body. He taught me that makeup can still be just as masculine as a beard. He taught me that being beautiful doesn't make my dick any smaller. 

Alan Rickman taught me it's never too late to chase my dreams. Alan Rickman's first film was at age 41! And that was Die Hard as Hans Gruber. How badass is that? To not be in a film until you're 40 and then be one of the most iconic movie villains of all time. It's never to late to start doing what you're passionate about, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Gene Wilder taught me how important it is to make people laugh. And how strong of a tool comedy could be, Gene Wilder died my first day in Boston, and I resolved myself to make more people laugh, in the absence that he created.

Leonard Cohen taught me that it's okay to be beautiful, poetic, and even sappy, as long as there is sincerity behind it. What has made songs like Hallelujah, Chelsea Hotel No. 2, Anthem, and countless other Cohen songs so immortal is the sincerity behind them, and to have that sincerity in my own life.

Donald Trump taught me that what I do is important. Haha, no, not with anything he's ever said or done. But with the fact that people need to work and stop him. People need to call him out, and fight against him. Speak out. And as a writer, as an actor, as a person with a fucking soul, I can do that.

In 2016, I learned where I am meant to be, the type of people I'm supposed to surround myself with, the things I am meant to be doing, and who I want to be.

2016 wasn't a banner year for me. I hit some of my lowest points, I did some pretty terrible and lousy things, but you know what? You fucking no what? None of this "New Year, New Me" Thing. I want to just be a better me. There are people who love me, so I shouldn't become a new person and risk losing them, what I need to do is become a better me, to thank them for being loyal and standing by my side. For being with me, I should be better, not just for them, but for me. Because I have to live with me, and I plan on living with me for a long ass time.

I want to better myself, in honor of those we lost, for the people who love and stand by me, and most importantly, for myself. I think I've said that a lot on the 80 something posts I've made on this blog, and I mean it every damn time. Just know that I am always working to better myself. I am always trying to be a better me and make better choices. 2016 may not showcase that perfectly, but know if I hurt you this year, I am deeply sorry. I am, and I will do anything I can to make that better in 2017. 

My New Year's Resolution is just to be a better dude. Be someone that would be missed if I suddenly and tragically perished in 2017. I want to do justice to all my friends and family, who love me, even though I am a problematic mess, know that I am your problematic mess. 

I learned this year that I'm allowed to be a work in progress, I learned that I don't have to be perfect, but I can try and be better. I'm only 18, I'm not meant to be a complete human being yet, and the best thing I can do for myself is to love myself and to keep trying to be better, and to forgive myself.

I am lucky enough to have so many strong and supportive role models in my day to day life. Good men who are caring and loving and strong. And powerful women, who teach me to love myself and others. I am lucky to love and be loved back. And I will continue to do so until the day I die. 

Thank you for reading, everyone. It means so much, everytime.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Bailey S. Fox