Because the Night

I am a chaotic being. I thrive on change and movement. I find my rhythms in the live syncopation of the world.

My parents and family worry about me, about the amount of time I spend out of the house, wandering, swing, feeling, exploring. And they don't quite understand that the unplanned wanderings and explorations of my world is the respite from the strict structure of a school day. And as I sit here on the Ithaca Commons, I feel a sense of calm I lack when in school. I can see the world happen around me. Hundreds of people, walking, talking, feeling, living their lives. Thats magical to me. And as I sat there sipping the remains of my lukewarm wegmans coffee, these three college students approached me, asking if they could spread the gospel to me. At first I was cagey, I didn't want to be rude, but I haven't always seen eye to eye with religion. So I told them I was Jewish, it was a lie, but i t was the same type of lie that girls tell sleazy guys in sleazier bars so they can finish their drink in peace, so the lie didn't bother me. But they asked polite questions about my life, and asked if they could pray for me. I said I didn't see why not, and so we sat, at the round, blue table by the center of the commons. And they prayed for me. They didn't pray that I would be saved from my sins, they prayed that I would find peace and happiness. That my college apps would go well. It actually made me feel really nice. I've always thought of myself as more of a spiritual person rather than a religious, but, I appreciated their kindness.

So as I wished them luck and saw them on my way, I sipped my coffee once more and began to write, I watched a little boy run, squealing with joy as his mother tried to keep pace, i saw and talked to an older man with a Bernie Sanders pin, (#FeelTheBern), and in these moments I found my peace. I found my peace in the chaos of life. Because right now at this exact moment in time. I'm not moving, I have been stationary for about thirty minutes, but potential lies all around me. The optimism and hope for adventure. I could get up and catch a bus to anywhere I want. I can go see a movie at the local indie theater. I could go for a hike, I could sit here and write. I sit here, on my first day off, my first day to myself in lord knows how long, I sit here with peace. Peace within the chaos and potential. This is why I love cities, they're their own little worlds, more lies in a city block than a country mile if you ask me. And since I lack a sexual attraction to farm animals and find a disdain for chewing tobacco, I find myself on Friday nights, catching the bus into town. I find myself with my friends dealing adventure, trying new foods, waving my arms with passion and excitement at whatever topic gas caught my gaze. So Monday through Thursday I bide my time, I do homework, I take notes, I go to rehearsals, work, and school, knowing that Friday nights are mine. Friday nights are for me to catch the always late bus from Newfield into ithaca. Friday nights are for me to stay up late and wake up early on Saturday mornings. Weekends are mind to walk down the street in my heart shaped sunglasses singing along to E•MO•TION or Ben Folds new album. Weekends are mine to be me more than I could ever be in Newfield. And to the people who let me crash on their couches, who let me borrow a t-shirt. Thank you, thank you so much.

Thank you to everyone in my life, who helps me get through the week. Who helps me and loves me more than I can ever know. Thank you.

Thank you for reading. <3

Stay golden, listen to music, stay beautiful.

Sincerely,

Bailey S. Fox