Here Comes The Sun

Today I have a sun drawn in sharpie on my wrist, today I start my first day as an ambassador for The Honest Beauty Project, today I start my day as I do most days, dragging myself out of bed shortly after six, showering, making coffee, and facing the day.

Today, social media alerted me that is The Sun Project day, something I had never heard of but I have been educated it is a marking to denote your struggle with mental illness, or your support of those who do struggle. And I think that's important. Things like these are stigmatized, and its wonderful to see the push back against these things. I suffer from anxiety and depression, there is something in my head that works differently than in other "normal" people's heads (some might say I have been Next to Normal) but the other thing I have learned is that there are people everywhere who suffer with what I suffer, and that in a way is comforting. To know I'm not some alone freak of nature. It helps.
When I was in elementary school our choir sang the song "Corner of the Sky" from the musical "Pippin" and that was a moment for me. Here we have a while song about feeling like an outcast trying to find a place in the world, I empathized with that, that was a huge moment for me, I felt so much less alone than I had felt an hour before that song. And I think it's important to people that they know they aren't alone. I often mention this at the end of posts but today I feel that it's important that I just dedicate a whole post to it.

Recently I've been especially struggling with my anxiety and depression. I can't honestly pinpoint what's making this such a prolonged episode, but I'm here to talk about it.

I think one of the most important things that needs to be learned is this affliction doesn't make me, or anyone less human, less capable of love, relationships, or anything, than anyone else. It means I do things differently, part of being my friend or significant other is accepting that sometimes you'll have to help me through an anxiety attack, or maybe a bout of depression. One of the important things I have to work on is not letting that consume me. Another thing is some people might have to leave because of it, and I accept that. As you all know from my last post I have had to leave, leaving is alright. Sometimes you have to leave, there is no shame in that.

Some days there are good days, some days there are bad. It's important that I know, that I remember is that this bout of anxiety and depression will end. That the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar. And there are things I can do to help myself. Listen to certain songs, eat certain comfort foods, go on walks, write it out. The other thing is I am in talks to start counciling and get tests to see if I am in need of further help. One thing I find important to remind everyone is that there is no shame in asking for help, in seeking out help. Do whatever you can do to make yourself feel better, we all have our coping mechanisms, and there is no shame in further asking and acquiring help.

I am more than my afflictions, I am more than my mental illnesses, they are a part of me but in no way do they define me. I talk about this because it is important that people know they are not alone. But they also need to know this does not define them, it does not label you. You are a wonderful human being inside and out. I love you all so much.
You are not alone. I started this blog so people would better understand who I am and what I do. It has been an immense help in my life. If this blog has taught me anything its that I'm not alone. You're not alone, darling you're wonderful. Here comes the sun, guys. It's alright.

Stay golden,
Love

Bailey S. Fox <3