On a Lighter Note

It was a dark and stormy night... Now, this could be a reference to the tone of my blog as of late or the fact as I'm writing this it is storming out, it's truly up for interpretation. But I suppose my blog has been on a slightly gloomy streak.

Wrote the Angst Ridden Teen

And it hasn't been because I'm a depressed at risk kid, these posts have been an attempt at an emotional exposure. A type of brutal honesty with myself, scrubbing my soul with the abrasive nature of my words. That sounded less pretentious in my head. Anyway, enough exposition, let's get on with the blog! Let's do as the title says and get started

I'm really proud of this joke as it works on two levels, artistically and musically.

I try to be a positive guy, or at least hopeful. I was hopeful people would read this blog, though I never imagined I'd have over 7,000 views in its existence. And My friend who is an avid reader of the blog once commented to me on the obvious growth of my character and being through the course of the blogs existence. And it's funny because rarely do I read these blogs after I publish them. Though I did have the pleasure of reading my writings on the dress code phenomenon with my principal, which was a surreal experience. Anyway, at one point I debated changing the name of the blog to something more serious, but I realized if I did that, the whole point would be gone. There needs to be a certain level of self awareness with writing these things, I need it to be known I'm only taking myself so seriously. And I have started to lose track of that, as I have stopped making as many jokes in these posts, I've lost a certain angle of self awareness I need to recapture.


As I've entered my summer into my final year of high school I have found myself suspended in this bubble of surreal. I can't quite believe that this is truly happening, in one year I will be going off to college to catch my dreams, and that doesn't fully seem possible, as I still run for the toy isle when we enter the local department stores. This forced perspective on the future has given me an opportunity to look back. High school has been a roller coaster of character development, every time I think I get on top of my game I seem to find new ways to screw it up, but that is okay. The thing is life never goes how you plan it.

John Lennon, who is an asshole, a brilliant asshole, but an asshole all the same, never planned to start one of the biggest bands of all time, he never planned to be on a poster behind my head as I type this next joke which is in poor taste, and I'm sure he never planned to be shot. But all that happened to him. And all kinds of stuff happens to us all, there is a never ending torrent of events that make up our lives, and some look at with hope and some look at it with despair. I think you have to look at it like MacGyver looks at a ballpoint pen and some handcuffs, not an end but rather the means to an end.

Though no one should ever look at hair styles like MacGyver did

I think life should be looked at in a way that allow you to take what you have and move forward with it. You should be able to use what you have to make progress, to escape the problems that plague you.

Another part of my retrospective has been brought up by social media, my freshman year of high school I dated a girl who was my first real girlfriend. She was a junior at the time, (she also might read this so I accept whatever rage comes with her reaction with apathy) and she was the coolest girl in the world to me at the time, I was head over heels, and I'm not sure she ever saw me as an equal, I don't know what gave me this impression, maybe it was because she never saw my shows, maybe it was because she never saw my shows because she was cheating on me with her ex, maybe it was a hunch, who is to say. Anyway, when we dated she was this cool hipster chick that got me into a lot of the music I listen to today, though really it was more of a gateway into weirder more obscure music. She was a talented musician and I really though she was the coolest. I was kinda lousy to my friends who were not her biggest fan (justly so as it turns out, retrospect is 20/20) and she became my whole world, a world that would be ripped away from me with her cheating on me and our following break up. She was a large part and factor in my emotional landscape for a year or so after. Today she shared a post on facebook about how the Confederate battle flag was about freedom, not hate (ironically). And it struck me, this girl who I idolized and I thought she was so cool now works fast food (I am not downplaying or criticizing fast food employees,) she never went to the university she applied to for the major she wanted to, and she now dates her camo decked boyfriend. She once told me she needed to buy new jeans as she made all hers daisy dukes. She wasn't cool anymore. A girl who I dedicated so much of my life and thought and time to was now just another hick in town, she became a cookie cutter neo-confederate. Life is weird.

In my last post I made an apology,  and right now I'd like to say thank you. I want to say thank you to all the people who have helped make me into the man you read before you today, so thank you everyone, you know who you are.

There is a lot about life that can't be predicted, but I think that's part of the fun. You never can plan for every contingency, no one can do that but batman and that's why he has no friends, he has plans to kill them if they become evil, that can be a buzzkill at parties. 

I currently work a job that pays me to play with Legos and make Captain America's shield and Thor's hammer while graciously and kindly working around my rehearsal schedule for shows I'm involved in and I am thankful for that. I'm thankful for my friends and family who put up with me and love and support me. I am thankful for everyone who reads and shares this blog. I'm thankful for the opportunities I have to act and perform as it never fails to bring me joy.

I hope people know I'm not constantly suffering and sad. I am constantly made happy by my friends and the artistic work I do. I'm deep down, below my snark and brooding, I'm just an optimistic kid who wants to save the day and slay the dragon. And I want the people I love to know that I love them, because every day I am reminded to what wonderful people they are and all I want is for them to see what I see and know that I love them. I also love you, dear reader.

 As always if anyone needs anything written or acted in I am more than willing to work for you. I'm also currently working on a project which I will talk about more as it becomes more of a finished thing.

Thank you all for reading

<3

- Bailey S. Fox