So, this blog is like a child I live vicariously through and make myself look better by extension.
My recent abandonment and lack of regular posting from this blog casts a dark image of me as a parent.
So, those of you who know me in real life know me as a rather crass, loud mouthed, semi-obnoxious, human being. And in all honesty I'm not trying to be a bad person, I'm just awkward. And this awkwardness manifests itself in a loud, precocious, melodramatic somewhat alienating personality. And for this I am sorry. I have trouble being comfortable in traditional social interaction. And those who know me know probably these things about me.
I've probably dated a friend of yours.
You can probably hear me three rooms away from you.
I have probably said something rude or obnoxious to you.
And these things don't fully paint an accurate picture of me. While these things are true, there is more to me. I don't want people to think that all I am is some two dimensional character. I care deeply about my friends and loved ones. And all I want, all I really want is to fit in. And my fear of not fitting in manifests itself in these traits I am known for. And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I haven't put forward my best traits. I'm sorry that I have spent so much of my life putting forward these not fully honest and truthful traits. I'm sorry that those of you close to me have to constantly tell people that I'm not that bad once you get to know me. I'm sorry to those of you I have alienated by my behavior. I've just wanted to be included. I never meant any harm or annoyance. I've just wanted to be accepted. And hopefully I can do my best to fix the damage I have wrought on my self image. Maybe it would be better if I hired a public relations person.
I know that I can be a loyal, passionate, loving, creative, dedicated, helpful person. I am intelligent, I am able to help and to make things better. And I want to thank everyone who has helped me realize this and achieve this. Thank you to everyone who has helped me to become the man I am today. <3
In conclusion, I am sorry that I have given this image to the world. And hopefully I can fix that. I have spent my life trying to fit in, and that isn't how I was meant to be. So instead of jamming my puzzle piece into the wrong part of the puzzle. Trying to make a picture that isn't there. This post is really just be asking for forgiveness for who I have acted like. I have done disservice to who I am, and to those who love me. I have closed myself off to these opportunities because I have given people the illusion that I am incapable of achieving things, of following through. And I fully and wholeheartedly apologize. I'm sorry to the people I have to constantly apologize to for my behavior. I'm sorry again to my friends who have to defend me time and time again. I love you dearly and I want to love more people and I want people to know, that they can count on me. That I will not let you down. I am here for anyone that needs me.
If anyone needs anything written or acted in I am more than willing to be hired. You can contact me via email at: bailey.f98@gmail.com or on here.
As always thank you for reading, I love you dearly. <3
Stay golden.
Love,
Bailey S. Fox
As always, a very interesting, thoughtful blog. I saw you as a third grader as someone who always was looking to fit in, but I also knew that you did fit in....even when you thought that you didn't. You wear your heart on your sleeve and always have. You also are fun to be around and can stir the spirit in people with your sense of fun (“party on the bus!”).....an amazing talent to have!. Yep, you can be loud (and so can I....hahahhahahaa!). However, I know we've had the discussion about your passion for music and the same goes for your love of acting and your deep caring for your friends.......and that is what makes you tick and fun to be around....and leads to the loudness No apologies needed in this direction as you always seem to make me smile.....and I know you bring a smile to the faces of countless people.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. That means the absolute world to hear.
DeleteIt is very deep and personal Bailey. Thank you for puting this out there so people who relates to this can see that they are not alone. I, myself can relate to many of things you are writing about. I still am going thru it and always will. One thing I've learned though, to never apologize for who you are. You are wonderfully unique and special and those who love you, and there are those, they love you dearly for who you are! Don't change
ReplyDeleteWhen Bailey was a baby/toddler he had a wicked gag reflex. He couldn't eat certain soft foods because they would make him throw up. We had to take home to a dentist in Endicott who used Nitro so he could have his teeth done without gagging violently. Yet evan as a child, Bailey had an unyielding desire to try new things. Not so much with foods, but his weaknesses never defined his strengths or desires. Bailey is fearless and has never let others define who he is. He has been bullied and humiliated, he has been praised and applauded. Bailey, my son, you owe no one an apology for being who you are, and I couldn't be prouder of the man you are becoming.
ReplyDelete100% agree, Mr. Olmsted!
Delete