Who is Bailey S. Fox?

First off his real, my real name, is Bailey Fox Olmstead, but I've always felt Bailey S. Fox sounded more writer-y.

I've probably been a lousy writer as of late, rarely delving into writing a work of fiction and sticking to mostly satirical Facebook posts and the spirratic blog posting. And while I have several projects in pre-pre-production, I want everyone to know my love for writing is still burning. And while I'm still fresh off of two shows, exercising my love of acting and my supposed hatred of playing an American 17 year old, I've been doing a lot of self reflection.

Who is Bailey Olmstead?

Well, I suppose it depends on who you ask, if you're asking me it depends on when you ask. I'm hesitant to fully talk about myself in such a way, for a while my self loathing defined me, I was always ready with some self-deprecating jokes and bitterness and a weird neediness for others love, as I've learned to love myself that has lost its hold on a defining characteristic. A lot of people would go with vain or egotistical and I wholeheartedly endorse those labels, because I don't see them as bad, or negative. The radical swing I have made from self loathing into full blown narcissism, vanity, and ego has been a blissful one, because I find much more satisfaction in people liking my selfies than a status in where I complain about how lonely I am.

Sometimes I say I'm a writer and an actor, but seeing as I have never been paid for either of those occupations, I'm hesitant in defining myself by them. And the fact that I haven't been paid for them worries me, I plan on making a living off of writing and acting and the fact that I haven't begun to figure that out now seems like a foreboding prospect. (All people looking to hire me please contact me in the comments or by email at bailey.f98@gmail.com)

Angst and general rebellion seem to be a defining characteristic of the Olmstead family, manifesting itself in a numerous amount of ways, we all seem to be stuck in the mindset of wearing a leather jacket to piss off our vegan parents, or wearing a pleather jacket to piss off my "hardcore" father if you're in my situation. I'd say I'm a fairly angst filled person, but not necessarily pessimistic, I'm idealistic and optimistic yet full of a bizarre angst, it's an interesting juxtaposition.

Depending on who you ask people's opinions of my maturity change, some think I'm mature beyond my years or have the maturity capacity of a 3 year old. I enjoy nerf guns and cartoons and I'm wearing a Guardians of the galaxy t-shirt and an hour ago I built a race car with legos. And sometimes people take my sarcastic, somewhat bombastic nature as a sign of a lack of maturity, my excitement for toys and my love of things akin does not mean I am of little maturity. And while my impending venture into the so called "real world" fills me with dread and anxiety, I believe I am mature enough and more than ready to handle it.

I'm not going to spend this whole time writing paragraphs about small fixtures of who I am, because now I'm going to get to the point. I am many things I'm kind of a dick but also a really nice and outgoing guy. I'm introverted but I love people and performing and endless attention. I'm mature yet I will fight you with a foam sword. I'm starting to sound like a god damned tumblr post, the whole point is that I am many things, I am some sort of hodgepodge conglomeration of contradictions in a devilishly handsome 17 year old's body. And that's okay. I'm vain and narcissistic and egotistical but I love other people and I want others to be happy and I want to make others happy. I genuinely believe I am a good person, despite my grouchy attitude and "serial dating" I believe a great many things, and I believe I, Bailey S. Fox, 17 year old, writer, actor, narcissist, adventurer, rejector of gender roles and idolizer of Indiana Jones and Han Solo, trouble maker, teacher, student, adult, child, best and worst person you will ever meet, I believe I am a good person. I am a lot of things, and I love all of those things, I am a knight in shining armor who will slay the dragon and save the princess. I love and I joke and I run around and I adventure and I take people along for the ride and I leave people behind and I am an eloquent speaker and also terrible at talking to people, I am a charming young man and a horribly awkward mess. I love me, I love you, I love life and I'm god damned excited to be here.

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

On Coming Home

It's 4:30 AM and I'm sitting in a Costa Rican airport waiting to board my flight in an hour using the airport's free wifi to write this blog post. I've spent the last nine days here in Costa Rica, the longest and farthest I've been away from home and my family. It's been an incredible experience, I've done so many things I never even dreamed of. I rode a zip line that was nearly a mile long, hiked through The Rain Forrest, eaten my weight in rice and beans, seen a volcano, and had an absolutely life changing and wonderful time, but it's time to come home.

Seeing as I've been gone for over a week I've been thinking about what home means. It's never been much of a secret I've never felt like Newfield was the perfect fit for me, and while the town is preferable to some of the alternatives, I've known for quite some time that this place and I wold always be at odds. Yet, as I sit here I find myself longing to return. Return to the lousy weather, the chores, the work, to school, everything that encompasses being home in Newfield. I miss my friends and the time I spent with them and talking to them, I miss my family, who I probably didn't call enough or talk to enough in my globe trotting adventures.

I missed my mother's birthday in my adventures, March 28th, eight days after mine. She was instrumental in getting me to Costa Rica, without her I couldn't have come here, and I cannot adequately express my gratitude for everything she has helped with and done for me. Hopefully she appreciates how much I've missed her and appreciate her and everything she has done to get me to Costa Rica.

So, now that I've been away for so long, I've really thought about what home is and what it means to me. I believe it can mean a lot of things and be them as well. Most importantly it's an idea, it's a feeling, a sense of security and like you belong. This feeling can manifest itself in any number of ways, in people, in places, in foods, smells, in the pixels on a screen, in between pages of a book, home can be anywhere, anything, that gives you the feelings of safety and belonging. You don't have to confine home to one place or person or one thing, as much as it pains me, Newfield is my home, it's where I'm from, I cut my teeth in these muddy back roads and dimly lit hallways. I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think I am superior to them for my feelings towards Newfield. This isn't a big fish in a little pond situation, this is my feeling at odds with a town. But Newfield isn't the only home I have, I have a home on the stage, I have a home with my friends, I have a home with my family, I have a home in The office at the Just Because Center, At the Storm Drain down the road from my house, I have a home at the library. I have a home in the pages of the books I read, I have a home in the words I put in this blog, I have a home in the clothes that I wear,  I have a home in my head, I have a home in the practice room at school, I have a home on social media, I will someday have a home that may be far away from Newfield, but that doesn't mean Newfield isn't my home.. And as shallow, superficial and lame as some of these may sound, these are the places and people that I feel at home with. Home can be whatever you make it, it can be the carpet underneath your feet, within the notes of a song, it can be in the presence of people or alone in your room. Home is a source of happiness, a place to be you. Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that is loved by you.

I plan on traveling much more, as much as I can, but I will always wander my way back home. Whether it be the home I find in my blog or in the pages of a book, a home I find in people, a home I find in my bed, whatever it is, I will always come home.

As always thank you all so much for reading, I love you all dearly.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Viva La Pluto

I've been super busy the past few weeks with shows and traveling and all kinds of exciting stuff you'll read about when I can sit down and write about it. But with no sign of palpable creative time in the next few weeks, my birthday being 3 days away (March 20th) and not wanting to leave you all hanging with no new words from me here is my argumentative essay for English Class on why Pluto should be a planet! Enjoy!

Pluto: Ninth in our Solar System but First in our Hearts

    In 2006 the International Astronomical Union defined what the word planet means, approximately 2,500 years after the word was first created, the definition is as follows: “[A planet] Is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass to assume hydrostatic equilibrium (a nearly round shape), and has ‘cleared the neighborhood’ around its orbit”( "IAU Definition of a Planet." Wikipedia). This new definition of the word eliminated Pluto as a planet, due to the fact that it has not “cleared the neighborhood” around its orbit, due to its size and distance from the sun. The 2/3 ain’t bad mentality did not apply to the IAU and they demoted Pluto, Roman god of the Underworld, to dwarf planet status. The problem is, if an Earth sized object was in Pluto’s position, it would not have the gravity to clear the orbital neighborhood. In addition, a planet like Mars would not have been able to clear its orbital neighborhood without the assistance of its much larger planetary friend Jupiter. Due to the over specificity of the IAU’s definition of planet, the definition should be more generalized and Pluto should be reinstated as a planet.

    In 2006 one of the IAU’s main arguments against Pluto that another Dwarf Planet, Eris, was bigger than Pluto. So, if we didn’t give Eris full on planetary honors, then why should we give it to Pluto? But, with new technology, in November of 2014 it was discovered that in fact, Pluto was bigger than Eris. As aforementioned one of the requirements for being called a planet in the years following the demotion of Pluto is being able to clear your solar-orbital neighborhood of debris and other objects, yet Pluto does not possess the mass to be able to accomplish this feat. But, if Earth was in even Uranus’ position, it would not be able to vacate the celestial tenants in the orbital path. Mars has the assistance of Jupiter to clear the way, without the gas giant we couldn’t call Mars a planet either. In addition, Alan Stern, a planetary scientist from the Southwest Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado said “If you take the IAU's definition strictly, no object in the solar system is a planet. No object in the solar system has entirely cleared its zone.” (Wall, Mike. "Should Pluto Be a Planet after All? Experts Weigh in.") Stern is an advocate for the IAU official definition only containing the first two criteria and losing the third one altogether. Stern cited that Pluto’s demotion came from “an unscientific desire to keep numbers low” and that “Many people think it’s special to be a planet.” But people think that if we let Pluto in we have to let all the near Pluto sized objects found in the icy regions of the Kuiper Belt, and that having a number of planets in the teens rather than the official 8 would make the original 8 less valuable, but Stern says “It would simply reflect astronomers' increasing understanding of the solar system. In that understanding, small, icy planets far outnumber big gassy or rocky ones… There are a large number of planets, and most of them are small," Stern said. "It's the Earth-like planets and the giant planets that are freakish.”

Along with the advocacy from several scientists, the majority of the general populous wants to bring back Pluto and has no problem with it inviting along its icy friends to the planetary party. In a debate done recently at Harvard, three scientists got in front of a crowd, two defending Pluto’s honor and one fighting to keep it classified as a dwarf planet, the three scientists debated and at the end of the debate the crowd voted, and Pluto won. On a vote done on National Geographic’s website People were given three options to choose from, one being Pro-Planet Pluto, one against it, and the other being the who cares make it a planet and let’s focus on real science. Of the three Pro-Planet Pluto won by an 11% margin. Not only is this debate a scientific one, it’s also one that the general population cares about, and while people can’t seem to agree on the fact that global warming is a thing, the majority seems to agree that Pluto should once more be a planet. “It seems to always wins the popular vote, except for that one time in 2006 when the International Astronomical Union redefined ‘planet’ and stripped Pluto of its planethood.” (in a Planet-or-Not Debate, Some Astronomers Say 'Long Live Planet Pluto’ National Geographic) So it seems that not only scientists wish Pluto’s planethood to be reinstated, but also the general population wishes for everyone’s favorite former planet to make a return to the planetary stage.

    In 2006 when the IAU and namely Mike Brown, along with the charge of killing Pluto also seems to not know his Greek mythology from his Roaman, in 2006 when they demoted Pluto to justify it they had to come up with a definition for the word planet that excluded Pluto and other “dwarf planets.” The problem with this definition is that it is so specific and so convoluted just for the sake of not having a large number of planets in our solar system “‘That would be just too confusing’ [adding Pluto as a planet], argued... astronomer Gareth Williams, associate director of the IAU’s Minor Planet Center. ‘If you let Pluto stay, he said, you logically have to let the number of planets rise to 24 or 25’... ‘Do we want schoolchildren to have to remember so many? No, we want to keep the numbers low.’” This is the reasoning for Pluto’s demotion, not scientific reasoning, the definition was created for the sole purpose of excluding Pluto, the three qualifications in the definition are just justification for an unscientific desire to keep the number of planets at eight. Another thing taking away from the legitimacy of 2006’s IAU planet killing conference is what another scientist revealed. Gingerich, a scientist present at the IAU meeting said to TIME magazine “Just 424 of the organization’s nearly 10,000 members were present, and when the organizers offered the gathering the chance to reconsider Pluto’s demotion, Gingerich said, ‘they voted not to vote again because they wanted to go to lunch, so that was the end of it.’” (Lemonick, Michael D. "The People Have Voted: Pluto Is a Planet!" Time) The total lack of scientific due process done at this meeting should be reason enough to give Pluto its well deserved planetary wings, and possibly let in the rest of its icy bodied friends join the planetary family.

    At a debate held in 2014 at Harvard, director of Harvard’s Planets and Life initiative said that  “the word ‘planet’ does need a scientific definition, but that we don’t know enough yet to create one. ...we’ve discovered thousands of planets orbiting stars beyond the Sun, and until we can understand how they formed and what they’re really like, any definition is premature. Pluto may be a planet based on scientific reasoning, or it may not be. ‘For now, we should keep Pluto as a planet by default.’” (Lemonick, Michael D. "The People Have Voted: Pluto Is a Planet!" Time) The IAU’s ruling on Pluto’s planetary status should be revoked and Pluto readmitted to the family, with his Kuiper Belt friends. The fact is we are basing this definition on an unscientific desire to keep the number of planets in our own solar system and we are basing this ruling on our solar system alone. There are trillions of planets out there, with incredible variances and landscapes, orbital patterns, multiple moons, no moons, multiple suns, the combination of variables is limitless. The truth is we understand so little about the universe and planets themselves that an attempt to give them a scientific definition at this stage in the game is foolish and as the Director of Harvard’s Planet and Life Initiative said “Premature.” There are planets made of rock, there are planets made of gas, there are planets made of ice, there is a sun which burns at a temperature lower than the human body. The definition of a planet we have is using a very small sample group to define it and it is unscientific. These are the reasons why the IAU should revoke their ruling and reinstate Pluto as a planet.

Teen Writer Faces Existential Crisis at Prospect of Turning 17

 So, my 17th birthday is in less than two weeks. March 20th for those interested. And the thought is filling me more with dread than anything. All in all 16 was a pretty great year, and while I will ascend to the throne and take my place as the dancing queen upon my birthday, the thought of adulthood becoming less of an abstract concept and more of a real thing that I am experiencing fills me with dread.

 At this point I want to be a writer and an actor, which isn't exactly a concrete life plan. With the infamous nature of Hollywood's impossible to attain lifestyle I live with this constant fear of failure and not obtaining my goals and dreams. I won't be able to check being a successful actor and writer off on my life goals check list, on that note I did Crowd surf at a Jukebox the Ghost concert last night, so at least I got one. Now all I have to do is win an Oscar, settle down, marry Jennifer Lawrence and become a successful actor and writer and my life will be complete.

Aside from the obvious fear of sucking at my passions and failing at perusing them as so many seem to do, I also feel as if I suck at relationships. Not just romantic ones but friendships as well. I feel needy and also sometimes overly grumpy or rude. Sometimes I just need a lot of hugs and to be told how wonderful I am and sometimes I need to not be touched. I feel like I want too much attention and I ask too much of my friends, bumming food and money off of those around me nearly constantly. And I do everything I can for my friends, but I still feel more of a leech than anything.

Along with sucking at friendship relationships, romantic ones aren't my forte either, anyone who knows me even a little knows of the infamy of my laundry list of girlfriends. This usually leads to the assumption that I didn't care about them and it's shallow and desperate reasons that sends me from girl to girl. But that's not true, every girl I've been with I cared deeply about, and I meant everything I said when I said it. Not everything came true and several promises have been broken, but that is not because I didn't care. I can't explain where and why my relationships fail, but I shouldn't have to, I'm 16 (Almost 17, March 20th guys, get hyped) I'm in an ever changing kaleidoscope of personality, and sometimes events force change and that causes the relationship to end. Sometimes it's personal. Regardless of the cause for their ending, it was never for a lack of my caring.

Another thing I fear is I'll someday lose my optimism and idealism. I believe in ghosts, not because I think ghost exist or for any spiritual reason, but I want to live in a world where ghosts exist. I think that'd be amazing, I want aliens and magic to exist. I want this world to have the potential to be more than it is. I believe this world has more potential and it bothers me that not everyone sees it or tries to see it and find it. There is still adventures to be had, stories to write, things to discover. I don't want time to kill these feelings. I don't want to grow out of believing I can still be a hero.

So this is my conclusion, I'm getting older, I'm 1 year and 13 days away from adulthood, and that's okay. Because I will be damned to hell if I let that remove the excitement and optimism and idealism I feel towards life. I believe in so much. I believe that this world has so much left to discover and explore. Treasure to find, adventures to have, people to fall in love with, things to see, places to discover, shows to watch, music to hear, things to create. My favorite people are those who are excited by life and the world around them and who are relentless in their excitement. You shouldn't be ashamed to feel and emote and use big words or use small ones. You shouldn't let the world beat you down, fight against it all, because that is the only way to survive. To create, to fight against entropy. To fight against apathy. To believe that we can be more and do more than we do. We live in an incredible time, we have 3-D printers, we have the internet and smartphones, we have computers in our pockets and on our wrist. Regal cinemas in marathonning all of the Marvel movies in April. This is a wonderful time to be alive. A man who was cyber bullied is having a party thrown for him, all he wanted to do was dance, and damn it he will. A woman was kicked out of a gym for complaining about a trans woman. We are slowly but surely pulling our heads out of our asses as a species. I cannot wait to see what happens next. I am enamored by the human experience and everything about this world. I will rule it as the Dancing Queen and damn it I will love it all.

-Love <3

Bailey S. Fox

I'd Like to Thank the Academy: A One Year Thank You Post

This is it, one whole year of my thoughts being shouted into the abyss of the internet. And surprisingly, I was met with so many positive, loving, supportive words from all of you, I have been constantly astounded by everyone's feedback.

Every post I've made in the last 365 days has been about me, so for the one year post, I'm changing things up and I'm going to talk about some of the people in my life who inspire and support me.

My Mom

Here she is, with the other half of my DNA, my father.

My Mom, Shari Olmstead, is a self-created local legend in the town of Newfield, hailing from Weedsport, New York she is the youngest of five she seems to only be able to live in towns that have some reference to plants and the growing of them in the name. She currently teaches Kindergarten at Newfield Elementary, she has been an educator her whole life. She has been cited as an inspiration to many fellow educators ans former students. She is also a faithful co-pilot as she teaches me to drive and we work to shed some years off of eachothers lives along the journey. She has constantly been one of my biggest fans, supporting me, seeing my shows and performances, working fundraisers, reading my blog posts, talking me through rough times, and putting up with my nonstop sarcasm and snark as she puts it. Never to be seen with out a smile or a witty remark, has been one of my biggest inspirations and role-models. Putting up with late night phone calls and ukulele playing. Despite what she says she always has my back and still owes me a blanket. Thank you for everything, I love you mom.

My Dad

Only context was the word "boo"

My Father, David Olmstead, is the original Big Deal, or "Very Important Person" as his business cards once read, Originally an English Major at Ithaca college my father has done everything and been everywhere, he currently teaches Earth History at his other Alma Matter, SUNY Cortland, where he is the self-titled "God of Science." Along with being the undiscovered Roman god of science he is a manager at Hosmer Winery where I worked with him as a hotdog vender or "Lord of the Tubestakes." My father has been there for many misadventures and life-lessons and is never without a relating anecdote to whatever situation you may find yourself in. An inspiration and role-model to many, including me, my father has always been a huge influence and inspiration. I love you dad

My Sister

Camryn Olmstead is probably the coolest person you will ever meet, she went as a star to her 8th grade semi-formal which was themed "Starry Night" Camryn is everyone's favorite Olmstead, including mine. With her incredible wit and humor, her fearlessness and brashness makes her an amazing human to behold. This year Camryn took the high school by storm, soon winning the hearts of everyone with her easy to like personality. With her brilliant personality and loving, compassionate behavior, it's hard not to love Cam. Camryn is a talented Trumpet player, pianist, artist, and improvisational comedian, she has a humor and maturity that I someday hope to achieve. She is one of my biggest fans and biggest inspirations, thank you Camryn, I love you here is your damn section dedicated just to you, ya butt.

My "Sister"

Maria "Mia" Thannhauser, family friend, former baby sitter and big-sister figure is one of the best people on the planet to know. Maria has taken care of me, advised me, adventured with me, worked at the winery with me and has been a dear friend to me for almost a decade. A phenomenal basketball player and all-around bad ass, Maria is a huge inspiration and support to me and I cannot thank her enough for being the wonderful friend and older sister that she is, thank you Maria, I love you.

Jeffrey Allen

Me in lipstick, Jeffrey in green makeup, the usual.

Jeffrey Allen has been my best friend for several years, an incredibly gifted actor and singer Jeffrey has been described by world famous band director, Sharon Powell as "The perfect human" Jeffrey is a close and supportive friend, a confidant, a moral adviser and semi-willing adventure buddy to me for several years, now considered a legal adult Jeffrey has been shaving and pulling gray hairs since he was in sixth grade, this only shows his endless reserves of maturity and patience required to take care of me as much as he does. He puts up with my ofter childish and brash behavior and is always willing to act as my moral compass. Jeffrey is also a hilarious human and a gifted improvisor. His diligence, musical talents, and humanity will take him far in life and I'm proud to call him my friend, I love you man.

Erik McSwain

Erik is my other male best friend, another gifted musician, Erik is always down for a good night of watching AVGN videos and musicals. Erik is a very generous friend who is always willing to buy you dinner when you're broke because you're a writer and an actor who quit his job at Buffalo Wild Wings. Or who knows the best Christmas gift to get for me was 1989 on Vinyl. He was one of two friends to see my first time playing Cord Elam in Oklahoma. Erik is an amazing singer, friend, and photographer, getting the best candids of people you've ever seen. Erik has a better taste in music than you and he is not afraid to tell you.Thank you for everything Erik, I love you man.

Tyler Gardner

Tyler Gardner is one of the coolest and chillest people ever to live. Always up for getting lost hiking in the woods, blocking friends driveways with huge logs and staying up all night listening to Lady Gaga and Daft punk while playing GTA. Tyler is a brilliant writer, great friend and supportive dude. He is also one of the deepest and most thoughtful people I have ever met. Tyler has my back when I need him to and our random adventures into the unknown are some of my favorite things and I can't wait until we are unburied from this awful icy prison so we can go out once more without dying. I love you, bro.

Luke Biskup

Luke is one of my favorite people. Always up for a night of junk food and Doctor Who, Luke is also an incredibly generous human being, more than willing to pitch in for food or the video game you've been craving. Luke is always up for an episode of Game Grumps or beating a joke so far into the ground it rounds the irony bend and becomes funny again just by sheer repetition. Luke, thank you for your unconditional friendship and your rad trombone playing, love you man.


Ian Grochocinski

Ian is the one in the back

Ian "Grocho-Cinco" is another beloved 9th grader and co-worker. He has an intelligence that is unparalleled and a friendship that is unrivaled. His comedic timing and sense of humor is always on point and his innocence and kind-hardheartedness is something that is both refreshing and sometimes a little chastising when it makes me realize how I'm neither of those adjectives. His tendency to play Trivia Crack in French just for fun and his ability to fluently speak Japanese is constantly mind-blowing to me, he is a gifted trombone player and a good friend and no one tells him enough how awesome he and his cookies are. Thanks Ian, even though you don't know who Kermit the Frog is, I love you.

Marissa Fargnoli-Peterson

It's truly an act of god anyone is dating us

Finally, this post has been a bit of a sausage fest, and who better to break up the wiener parade than everyone's favorite precocious blondish redhead, Marissa? Marissa is a talented actress, saxophone player, vocalist and friend. She is passionate, loud, loving, off the walls, dedicated, loyal and fierce as all hell. No one can replace Marissa and her constant energy and hard work. She is a dedicated, loving, loyal, and active friend. She has a bright future in music and as with everyone on this list, I'm proud to say that I love you.

Katy Mulcahy

Katy, the OG midget in the squad, Katy likes to keep me in check. A fiercely loyal and caring friend, Katy is always there when you need it, with all the support and care you could possibly ever need. Katy is another talented musician, the clarinet being her weapon of choice. Her favorite attack is a punch to the arm, and she's good at it. She's louder than you, she's cooler than you, and she knows it. Katy is one of the best friends you could possibly ask for, I love you Katy, thank you for always having my back, even though it's hard to reach.

Jasmine Miller

Seeing as how she's not a fan of my selfies or being in New York this is the best picture I was able to get a hold of of the two us. Jasmine, you're a wonderfully talented woman and I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished and how far you've come, I hope you've finally found your home in the great wide open midwest. I miss you dearly and I expect to see you again soon. You deserve all the happiness you come across in your travels, you're going to do absolutely amazing things, I've always known it. I love you.

Breanna Kern

Despite the fact that I've known Breanna for something like 11 years I still cannot pronounce her name to save my life, that says a lot about me. So for the last 11 years you've always had my back even when I've been not the greatest of humans. Your love and talent for art is unmatched, as in your love for Tom Petty. You're a kind and loving human being with a rocking taste in music and a surprising lack of knowledge of 20th century painters.Breanna has faced so much advesity and is still one of the most brilliant sparks to come out of Candor, she has not let their wet blanket smother her flames. Keep on rocking, Tessa. You deserve the world and someday you'll get it. Thank you for everything, I love you.

Ashley Atherton

Ashley, I haven't seen you in more than six months and I miss you dearly, you are one of the strongest most kick ass Robo-Americans to ever walk the face of this great nation and you will change it as the first Robo-American president. You are an incredible friend and a brilliant strategist and politician and you have so much potential, I cannot wait to see what you will do when you finally graduate Kent State. You've been here for me every second that I've needed you the past three years and I couldn't possibly ask for more of you. You and Annie took care of me in a time where I was vulnerable, self-destructive and lonely, I would not be anything without the help of you two, so thank you. I cannot wait to see you again and I can't wait for another round of Ohio adventures this summer! I'm so proud of you and I love you dearly.

Annie Johnson

Annie, between our ours in the car together and our hours spent working at the library I think or conversations have spanned the widest range of topics imaginable. I cannot wait to resume working with you this summer and I cannot wait for your return so I have someone to drive me places and also our Ohio trip part two potentially and terrifyingly featuring me as a licensed driver, so we'll see where that adventure takes us. You and Ashley became my friends when I was so alone and destroying myself, you were the best friends I could have asked for and you took care of me and put up with my 9th gradeness. You are one of the most formidable Pokemon trainers I know. You also have the largest collection of my books of anyone I know. We need to go to Purity once more as well as Moes and get some sweet sweet unhealthy food, I look forward to whatever movies and adventures come our way. I'm very proud of you and I love you to death.

Laura Brown

She's French Kiss

Laura "Ellie B" Brown, a Tumblr Goddess, a hero to many a blogger. Laura is the Epitome of cool and hip, in her floral print dresses, heart shaped sunglasses, ironic costumes, sweet taste in music and a loving and supportive way about her. Laura is prone to some of the sweetest burst of emotions at the most random times, a tendency to text me at 3 AM about Parks and Rec or whatever obsession she is currently gushing about with some of the most Earth moving passion you've ever heard, Larua is casual and cool and everything I strive to be in a public appearance. I love you El.

Cioppa

Karyn "Cioppa" Hutchinson is my former chemistry and current physics teacher, a motivated and effective teacher, Cioppa is 100% of the reason I have been passing science the last two years. Cioppa has let me sit in her room for hours on end and talk to her about anything and everything, often sharing jokes and gossip with me. Cioppa has been helpful with science and not having a mental breakdown during finals week. She is a brilliant teacher and I cannot stress how much of a help and influence she has been on me, she has been a positive support and force in my life the last two years. Thanks Cioppa, I love you.

Sharon Powell

I met Ms. Powel when I was in second grade, she began giving me piano lessons. This would last at least a year and a half. Ms. Powell has always let me stay in her room and put up with my antics for the last decade as I ran around blasting my trombone, singing loudly, nagging her to let us play Indiana Jones for band, and wreaking other havoc. She has allowed more of my shenanigans than I ever thought would be allowed as well as choosing the right shenanigans to allow. She has often pranked and outwitted me and proven to be a master of schoolyard politics. She has also started a sustanibillity program at our school and created several songs and the character "Compost Kuze" in order to help promote the program. She has won several awards with her band and is a beloved teacher at Newfield Central Schools, thank you Ms. Powell, I love you.

Mr. MacDonald

Mr. MacDonald has been a huge influence on my life. Allowing me to hide in his room and rant and rave about the world around me, listening, advising and teaching me dozens of life and musical lessons. Along with the invaluable life advice given he has helped further my musical ability and supported me and encouraged me in my endeavors. He has helped guide the A Capella Group the Treble Alliance and led our choir to Carnegie Hall where we performed last month. He has been an incredible mentor to me and I am very much inspired and indebted to him. Thank you Mr. MacDonald, I love you.

Jon Armstrong

My 3rd grade teacher, neighbor, actor, trombonist and a million other thing Mr. Armstrong has been looking out for me, guiding me, teaching me, and joking with me since I was 8 years old. He has been a huge support and avid reader of my blog. He has been willing to work on projects with me with no ask or mention of recompense. He has always been a good sport when it comes to making jokes and generally having fun. Leader and founding member of the Award Winning Newfield Kazoo Band, and cause for the huge influx of trombone players, Mr. Armstrong has always been a huge supporter of the Arts. Always ready to tell a tale from his days as a Catholic School dropout and beyond, Mr. A has been a huge influence and support for me for nearly a decade. Thank you Mr. A, I love you.

I was reading my first blog post, made February 10th, 2014. I didn't like it that much, it felt so cynical and angsty, and though that has been my trademark since forever, it's interesting to see the growth and change a year can make. It's mind blowing to look and think about all the growth I and everyone on this list has done in a year. I love this blog because it allows me to share my journey as a self-centered, self-righteous, narcissist still trying to be a good person and find his way in the world, and maybe someday I'll find it, until then there are a lot more adventures to have and many more blog post yielding mistakes to make, several life lessons left to learn and so much more to see and write.

Thank you to everyone who read this blog the last 365 days. I cannot wait for another 365 days of self-centered blog posts. I wanted to change up the flow and write about other people, I hope they appreciate it. Thank you. I cannot say it enough, the 5,000+ views my blog got in the last year. The mind blowing response all of you have had. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. I have so many things left to write about, so many stories to tell, I cannot wait to keep sharing them with all of you. You're a wonderful audience and your continued support and comments make this so incredibly worthwhile. Thank you.

I love you all, happy one year to SuperDuck Productions, I can't wait for many, many more.

Leave in the comments your favorite quotes and posts from the last year.

Thank you <3

Love,

Bailey S. Fox




Copyright SuperDuck Productions 2015

Egomaniac or: How I Learned to Stop Self-Loathing and Love Myself

It seems I keep starting these blogs with bragging, today's is no exception. Tuesday, February 10th, in addition to being the world's most beautiful girl's 17th birthday (Misty Boudreault), is also the one year anniversary of my first blog post! Looking back at my blog posts is like looking at a sedimentary deposit graph of my angst and edginess. The metamorphosis of over cynicism to blind optimism as the year has gone on.

Here is my Earth Science reference for my father.

So today's blog post is going to be another one about my struggle with self-loathing and my abundance of ego I never seem to stop talking about on my blog.

So I am regularly called out for my egotistical behavior, my narcissistic tendencies, my self-absorbed nature, and my absolute vanity. And my reason for it, my logic behind it is rather simple, if I do not love myself to the extreme, if I am not over abundantly self praising and arrogant, I plunge back into hating myself. I hated myself with such certainty, such entirety that in my attempts to be humble I overshoot and self-deprecate myself into self-loathing again. It's a slippery slope. one of my close friends asked me once "Why don't you find a nice middle ground the every other god damn person in the world?" and that's because I'm not sure where the middle ground exists for me, I do not know a way of feeling about myself that is not in one way or another an extreme.

I don't want people thinking I'm using my self-loathing tendencies to justify my ego, I don't think that because I have a hard time loving myself my ego is okay, justified, and totally a good person thing to do. I know it's not, good people, actually good people are not arrogant and egotistical. This whole quest to not hate myself isn't one of being a good person or a bad person, but it's a quest of trying to coexist with myself. Because when I hate myself I start to hate other people, I start to mistreat the people I love and care about, I self-destruct into this toxic self-loathing and world loathing pile of anxious, angsty toxic sludge. At least with my ego I try and do things I can brag about, I try and go above and beyond for my friends and girlfriend and family so that I can turn around and brag to to other people what a good friend/boyfriend/son/brother I am. It might not be the best, most healthy way of going about it, but it's the one that works for me.

I never want people to think that due to my ego I am also selfish and uncaring, but that's not true, I care very deeply about the people around me, about the people I love. Because when you get to my core, through all the layers of ego and self-loathing, arrogance, childishness, awkwardness, sleepiness and everything else, at my core I'm just a scared little boy who wants to be a knight and slay the dragon and save the world. I'm just a kid trying to earn the love that he is given, I'm just a kid who wants acceptance and to not be afraid to be himself, and I'm getting there I am.

I want to thank the incredible and astounding number of people who put up with my egotistical behavior and everything else about me, I love you all dearly and I never could tell you enough that I do, I'm sorry I'm not always a good person, I'm trying, I am. You know who you all are, you are wonderful incredible people who have so much potential and I'm so proud of each and every one of you. I truly am honored to be your friend. I love you all so much.

I also want to thank my family who accept me and love me despite my household habits of only spending time in my room, and making my room an atrocious wasteland faster than you can a Cappella sing the captain planed theme song.

I want to thank my girlfriend as well who puts up with my ego and childishness behavior on a constant basis. Who makes sure I get enough sleep and loves and accepts me more than anyone I've ever met, I love her dearly and she's probably the best person that's ever lived so there is that cool fact. She is a better person than I am and makes me want to try and be a better person, so thank you. <3

I want to thank the people who read my blog, you're an amazing and supportive audience and I couldn't ask for a better one, thank you all. Thank you for the kind messages you send in support and thank you for reading and everything you do, I read all the comments you write and all the messages you send and they all mean so very much to me, thank you all. <3

If you haven't heard Post Modern Jukebox's cover of Shake it Off or Alex Boye's cover of it you're missing out on so much. I'd also recommend checking out Post Modern Jukebox's cover of Stacy's Mom.

 I also want to pay my respects to Monty Oum, Creator of RWBY and animator for Red vs. Blue who passed away last week, you were a brilliant and motivated man and you will be missed dearly. Rest in peace.

Thank you for reading for a whole year, you're all wonderful people.
<3
Bailey S. Fox
















Copyright 2015 SuperDuck Productions

Insecurity Guard

I want to start out by saying welcome to the first blog post of 2015, it only took 2/3rds of a month for me to bother writing it!

I want to thank everyone because on New Years Eve the blog past 4,000 views and that is remarkable to me.

Another milestone was met as well and on January 14th my blog received its first hateful comment with "You are such a faggot go die" and this is where we begin today's blog post.

Now I have several problems with this comment, one is the idea they think the word faggot needs to be used as an insult, that's just pathetic and unoriginal. Not only is the idea of being gay completely non offensive, it's just not original. There is a long list of things you could call me that are more offensive.

But the grander point is that in all honesty this post kinda bothered me. There are plenty of times where I totally deserved some hate mail, like on my post on religion. Or at least more people calling out my typos and poor grammar. But this one comment, it bugged me. It blindsided me. I've always been a cocky, some might even go as far as to call me arrogant and appallingly egotistical and narcissistic, and that comes from a place of insecurity. If I open up too much, if I admit I do overly cutesy stuff and that I'm emotional, if I admit I cried at FAME on Friday, or during Big Hero 6, or got choked up at the end of Into the Woods, well then people know I can be hurt, and then they have this thing to use against you. This is why Superman doesn't go around advertising kryptonite. It's why super heros have secret identities. Because if they didn't then Doctor Octopus would totally murder the hell out of Aunt May, and no one wants that. My ego is my secret identity, if people don't know about the sensitive part of me, or think that it's impossible to get to, then they won't try to. No one bothers punching superman if they know they can't hurt him.

But, this blog has become a place for me to be more honest and open, it's been kind of a safe place for me. So that maybe people understand me better, they'll think "Maybe he isn't a huge cock." because despite my narcissistic ways, I want to be liked more than anything. I don't want people to hate me, I want to impress and surprise people. I want to relate to people, I want them to know even though I have a comically cliche hard time expressing it, I care a great deal about a lot of people. But again, I use this toxic mixture of apathy and ego to protect me and keep people at arms length.

Another thing I do is I'm really degrading to myself, not in a way that I want people to correct me and tell me how wonderful I am, but in a way that if I beat you to the punch then you have no reason to try. It's a kamikaze approach and it's a dumb and foolish one. But if I can get people to think that it doesn't bother me then they won't try.

I realize these things are dumb and childish, this egotistical moxie isn't exactly fake, I am entirely self-obsessed and no amount of honesty will ever make that go away, it's just a part of who I am. But I feel like I need to be better at communicating with people that I care, I need to be more honest about my softer emotional side, because that's nothing to me ashamed of, it doesn't make me any less masculine being honest about it and it's a stupid destructive way of looking at emotions. Because if you can't cry when Ben proposed to Leslie on Parks and Rec, then what the hell can you do?

They may take our lives but they cannot take our freedom to cry like a god damn human being.

So this is like the end of the first Iron Man, except of admitting I'm Iron man I am admitting a bunch of emotional stuff and I'm not rich, or Robert Downey Jr. maybe it's nothing like the end of Iron Man.

The Truth is, I cried at Big Hero 6

So here's my confession: I cry. I like cuddling. I am extremely ticklish. I like playing with small children. I slept with a stuffed animal until 7th grade, that stuffed animal is on my bookshelf still. I like pop music sometimes. I enjoyed the movie Mean Girls. I like saying cutesy stuff to my girlfriend. I like posting an obnoxious amount of pictures of us together on the internet. I'm confident enough in my sexuality to appreciate hot guys. I really liked playing with pocket pets in 4th grade. When I was in preschool I was obsessed with the little Mermaid and the musical Annie. The second Indiana Jones movie is my favorite, I really enjoy a good love story like a really well written one not the Notebook. Despite seeming extroverted I really enjoy time alone and as soon as I get home I sequester myself in my room in order to be able to interact with people the next day. I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I really need people's approval and attention. I thought I looked good in the fedora picture until I was told I didn't 2 years after it was taken. I'm petrified of disappointing my parents by failing at acting and writing. I want to do overly romantic things for my girlfriend but feel I will be mocked and marginalized because of my age and my "incapacity to know what love is." I think overly romantic things are bad ass and should always be done. I don't think I should be told what I can and cannot feel. What I am too young to understand, because maybe in 15 years I'll look back and think I'm stupid but I don't really care what 31 year old Bailey thinks right now, that's a long ways away and he has a different perspective than what I do now. I shouldn't be stopped from learning because I'll never grow if I can't see the light. What I feel and experience now is real to me and that's real enough for it to matter.

The list could go on and on, the point is, these aren't things I should be ashamed of, but, society dictates that because I am a heterosexual male, or a teenager these things are off limits or taboo for me to openly appreciate, feel, think or do. That these make me immasculine and weak or stupid and immature. In my opinion the people who are so brazenly and religiously devoted to preserving their masculinity by societies standards are weak. Those who put others down for their hobbies and things they enjoy or feel are weak. Those who need to prove their masculinity or maturity by making fun of the kid who is in chorus or the kid who tells his girlfriend he loves her is weak and immature. And until we as a society realize that these are stupid, trite and destructive practices we will never progress.

 The truth is I am an emotionally squishy person and I have soft spots and sore spots and I get hurt and sad and embarassed and I am human, I cry. And That doesn't make me any less or any more than what I am, and what I am is Bailey god damn Fox, mofos.

Thank you as always for reading and supporting me, it means a lot. Thank you to the lovely Misty Boudreault for editing my posts and keeping me from sounding like a complete idiot, also for loving and dating me despite the fact I might be a bit of an idiot sometimes.

Thanks again for reading.
Love,
Bailey S. Fox <3


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Copyright Superduck productions 2015