Advent Calendar 3/25

I was out at a show tonight and it's late so here is an essay I wrote on the history of NASA, enjoy.

-Bailey S. Fox

<3

The Man on the Moon

“Landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to Earth within a decade,” was declared by John F. Kennedy in 1961, and Ruskies be damned we got to the Moon in eight years. Now two things helped this. Our Cold War and the fact that Kennedy was shot before he ever got to see us get to the moon. Two things fueled us, competition and honoring our late president. Nowadays we have technology that Gene Roddenberry couldn’t dream of yet, despite Curiosity on Mars and New Horizons sending us HD photos of Pluto the public now has a waning interest in space. We are in possession of a moon rover that will never see the moon and astronauts who are launching from other competing countries. We still have a fierce competition with Russia, so who needs to be shot to get the public interested in space?

NASA was officially conceived on October 1st, 1958 in response to Russia launching Sputnik 1 in 1957. Despite the horrible things it did to the entertainment industry, the red scare in America brought about the birth of the next great age of exploration. Just 10 days after it was officially ordained as a government entity it had the first launch of its aptly named "Pioneer I." From 1958-1986, The space program flourished. The article "Chronology of Defining Events in NASA History" has over 114 entries of "defining moments" between the years of 1958-1986. The golden age of space exploration started with the conception and ended the year of the Challenger explosion. It’s clear that the public’s support of  NASA wavered after 1986 and in 1990 this happened:

Because of the difficulties NASA encountered in its major programs at the end of the 1980s, as well as the need periodically to review status and chart the course for the future, in 1990 President George Bush chartered an Advisory Committee on the Future of the U.S. Space Program ... recommending several key actions. All of these related to the need to create a balanced space program-one that included human space flight, robotic probes, space science, applications, and exploration within a tightly constrained budget.

(Chronology of Defining Events in NASA History)

If 1986 is too speculative a year to truly mark the shift in the tone of NASA’s work, then 1990 is when the axe dropped: The king was dead, long live the king. NASA’s golden age was over.

However, the decline in the reign of NASA doesn’t mean it is not doing incredible things, earlier this year the New Horizons probe sent back our first clear images of everyone’s favorite Roman death deity: Pluto.

With Curiosity roving around Mars, NASA continues to do amazing and wonderful things today in 2015. There are still brilliant men and women with the quintessential spark of adventure and curiosity that defines the American dream. And we still have brave men and women blasting off to the International Space Station conducting groundbreaking experiments and doing covers of David Bowie’s Space Oddity. There is no shortage of amazing things that we still do, but we lack the frenzy, NASA no longer has the carte blanche it once had, and that might be the reason Matt Damon’s remake of Castaway is only a work of fiction, and there are no humans bouncing around on the Roman god of War. The space race isn’t the patriotic wonderland it was, now it’s more scientific than braggadocious. It’s more about the final frontier, finding new horizons rather than warming a Cold War. The selling point has switched, it’s no longer about god and country, it’s about scientific advancement and the betterment of mankind, and that’s a much more complex and abstract concept. And even though NASA has provided things like memory foam, braces wire, cordless dust busters, better baby food, LED lights, and any other number of things since sliced bread, not every taxpayer knows how instrumental NASA has become to the modern era. (NASA Technologies Benefit our Lives) 

A good argument can be made for unmanned missions at our current times. We're in a period of growth, we are beyond the moon but not yet to mars, our next intergalactic target in our solar system wide shooting gallery. And with this stage of growth came to the rise of unmanned missions. In the early days of NASA, we saw unmanned missions, missions helmed by dogs, monkeys, and all sorts of other non-sapien mammals. Now our missions are unmanned but helmed by robots. Like the multi-million dollar, RC cars they roam the galaxy exploring the final frontier, in search of the next big thing.

Throughout the years, NASA has maintained its sense of explorations, though it has been made to transform its means, through preserving the motive. Just because men and women aren't traipsing around the stars at this time, it does not make NASA any less of a beautifully exploitative, scientific, and human institution. The video released by NASA in anticipation of New Horizons passing Pluto, wasn't a cold and scientific video, it was full of beautiful music, it evoked emotion. That sense of pride in what we as Americans are discovering. NASA has held on to that sense of exploration that it was first founded with. It might have lost the Cold War era paranoia that fueled it, but it held onto the passion and love that flew Neil Armstrong to the moon in 1969. The words "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." These are not words of cold, heartless science, but of a warm, human passion.  

A friend of mine, Ian once said to me as we discussed the topic “People really like the idea of other people going to space.” And I have to agree with him. I will not be satisfied until we have men and women on Mars, and maybe even beyond. I don’t think we will have reached the next great space milestone until we get people, real human beings in the flesh exploring other planets. Is it less efficient and cost effective than robots? Yes. But, I believe we will do it anyway, because we have generations of people raised on the lore of space travel, final frontiers and galaxies far-far away. I believe we will not be satisfied until we have humans exploring space once more. We will once more have brave men and women sitting in tin cans, far above the world. I believe that mankind, not just America, but the planet as a whole will go out in space, in a larger exodus than ever before. I believe the next great migration will be to the stars.

Works Cited

"CHRONOLOGY OF DEFINING EVENTS IN NASA HISTORY."CHRONOLOGY OF DEFINING

 EVENTS IN NASA HISTORY. NASA, 1998. Web. 12 Nov. 2015.

"NASA Technologies Benefit Our Lives." NASA Technologies Benefit Our Lives. NASA, n.d. Web.

12 Nov. 2015.

Grochinski, Ian. Personal Interview, Nov. 15 2015

Advent Calendar 2/25

I had an anxiety attack earlier so fair warning I have no idea how this is going to play out.

I think I'm going to talk directly about friendships and what not. Because I talk about them a lot and a lot of what I write about can be worked into this theme. From self-loathing, self-image, mental-illness. All kinds of stuff. I'm so excited. Let's do this.

As you all know I have my tragic back story of no one liking me as a kid. Which the essay I wrote about that will be one of these advent calendar posts, I have to save my material, I have a lot of busy days coming up. Anyway, I was a weird child and had a hard time making friends and fitting in and it has shaped every action I have made since I became aware that people didn't enjoy my company. I'm also not proud of how much it still messes with me to this day, I'm nearly an adult and I know deep down this will continue for the rest of my life. Anyway, so those experiences have really affected how I go about relationships. I'm always saying sorry. I very rarely confront my friends when I'm mad because I always believe people are about to leave me. I believe that my company is more or less worthless and I'm kinda like a last resort friend. Like I don't think I was anyone's first choice for a friend. No one wanted me for kick ball why would anyone want to hang out with me? Like that's how my brain works, this isn't so people comment "OMG BAILEY UR THE BESTEST I LUV U SOSOSOSO MUCH." This isn't for attention, this is just me talking. Anyway, like it's really hard for me to think that people don't lowkey hate me and aren't seconds away from never talking to me again. It's really hard for me. I don't know I'm really easy to pressure into doing things. I just want people to like me, to accept me. But I really want to be me. I want to be accepted for me. I don't want to be someone else. I'm also really good at alienating myself from situations where I don't think I belong. A perfect example is in the show I did over the summer "13." I felt like I didn't belong. That show had all of these talented, wealthy, pretty kids. I'm just some guy. I didn't feel like I belonged. I felt like they were better than me. So I went home after shows, I didn't go to dinners with the cast. I went home. Maybe I did belong and I was the only one who felt like I didn't belong. I'm in a production right now I'm waiting for people to laugh at me and tell me that I was only cast as a joke, they'd never want to spend time with me. Ugh, anxiety attacks make me so rambly. I'm sorry that this is a little pathetic but I've started down this path there's no going back now. This is the emotional honesty you read this blog for.

I often feel like a burden on my friends, I always need a ride and money because I chose writing, acting, and pride over a real job. No one pays me to write or act. (And I live in constant fear that no one will.) But because of that I always have to ask to borrow money or for a ride. Like I feel really bad because I can't afford to get my friends gifts this year, and that's really shitty. Because they deserve gifts.

I try really hard to be a good friend. I drop everything to help those I love. Because I think they deserve it. So many people have done so much for me without asking for anything in return. I can never repay all the people in my life for all they have done.

I have teachers who have spent untold hours of their lives listening to my life and personal problems when they totally don't have to. Like who wants to listen to a 15/16/17 year old bitch about life all the time? And yet they do. And people read this blog, when no one has to. But people read it. Regardless of it's worth reading. And My voice lesson teacher hasn't made me pay for a lesson in a year because I can't afford it. And yet he works with me, even though I think we both know I can't afford to repay him. I don't know why these people, why everyone goes out of their way for me.

I've felt ugly lately. I had an acne break out. And I can't tell if I've gained weight or I'm normal or what. But I haven't felt very attractive the last few months. I feel really bad talking about it. It sounds like I'm fishing for compliments, I just haven't felt very good about how I look lately. I don't know what it is. I had to have photos taken of me today for promotion for the show I'm in and they will be posted all over the place. That's so scary. Everyone will know I look like shit.

I didn't write this for attention or so people feel bad or to fish for compliments. I just, I guess I needed to talk about this stuff.

I'm so sorry, I know I'm usually funnier. Maybe I will be tomorrow.

Have a great night, everyone. Happy Holidays

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

<3

The Advent Calendar 1/25

I wanted to wear my Christmas sweater today that read "Light it up," but I was sick so yeah, that didn't happen. Tomorrow I guess. Remember how well I did at writing once a week? How long do you think I can keep up one a day until Christmas?

This is my favorite time of year, there is something so wonderfully plain and simple about it. I love giving gifts and telling people I love them and peppermint and I love Christmas music and I love Christmas specials on TV. It's the one time of the year that I like John Lennon and Bob Dylan and also loathe Paul McCartney (Just a little, I'm sorry.)

I like the feeling of magic in the air, there is a little bit of a less of a need to be dark and serious and uptight, you can enjoy the time of the year and just let it be magical. I also hate the idea of the movie Krampus, like why do we have to make Christmas depressing and scary? Like screw you.

As this Advent Calendar goes on I'll make some lists of my favorite Christmas songs, specials, and movies. But not today.

I think it's really important to make people understand that you love them, and I think that's a pretty big theme of the blog, or at least I hope it is. That's something I love about the season, the idea is that it's a really big time of love and acceptance. Is it? No, probably not, but do I want it to be? More than anything. My family and I get together, we play reindeer games, we eat cookies and fudge, we do scratch off, we eat pizza, it's magical.

I really liked the new movie "The Night Before" because it managed to be an adult comedy without sacrificing the spirit of the season. It's presenting a possibly childish idea in an adult friendly package, and I think that's really wonderful. I also saw "Love the Coopers" which truthfully I liked more than I thought I would, even though it has a 22% on Rotten tomatoes, I liked the idea that it pitched, the feeling of family, I love John Goodman, and Diane Keaton was good, even if she is a poor man's Maryl Streep. So it was a cheesy holiday movie with a predictable plot, that didn't mean I didn't enjoy it. Maybe I just have no taste, but water doens't either and you need that to live, so take that. Plus it's Christmas, there is only so many ways to convey the same idea. So I'll take weird talking dog Steve Martin, and Anthony Mackie playing a 40 year old even though he's like 12.

I really want to make peace this season, so if anyone hates me, I'm sorry for whatever I did. And for those of you whom I am mad at, I forgive you.

Maybe this blog will get really cheesy the next 25 days, who cares? It's the spirit of the season.

Happy Holidays!

1 down, 24 to go.

Love,

Bailey S(anta) Fox

<3

Giving Thanks

I hope I can come up with a better post title than 'Giving Thanks' by the time I post this, because that is so cliche and everyone uses it but I don't really know yet, I just woke up and felt the urge to blog. I'm sitting here in my pajamas at 9:30 on the morning of my least favorite holiday as my brother feels the primal need to dribble a basketball in his room next door.

I've never been a huge thanksgiving fan, I can't quite figure out why, maybe it's because turkey tastes like sadness. I never know what to say to my family, and I know they read this, so hey guys, what's up? Love you, can't wait to see you! Anyway, I just never got Thanksgiving. On the other hand I really friggin love Christmas, like so much. Anyway, I just feel like Thanksgiving is like "Let's pretend that we didn't commit a large scale genocide on the Native Americans Day." I just don't love it that much, ah well.

On that note, I have a lot I'm thankful for, so much. So many people in my life that I won't take the time spelling it out, you know who you are and I hope I express often enough how thankful for you I truly am. All of you, I wouldn't have all that I have if it hadn't been for you.

I had so many more ideas on what to write and suddenly I'm drawing a blank. Damn.

Oh yeah, a little less than a week ago I went to see one of my favorite bands, Guster live at the state theater. I was dead center in the stage and screamed so loudly I caught the attention of the lead singer, Ryan who then sang directly to me, hand on my shoulder and all. All I could do was stand there in pure excitement. In the seconds between singing he'd make faces at me to try and get me to crack but I stood there feeling more excitement than I knew possible. Another fan took a picture and found me on Twitter the next morning and sent it to me.

Making those 12 hours the most amazing and surreal hours of my life.

One things I've tried to cultivate in my life is this sense of like "how in the hell did he do that?" Like a sense of enigma, where people are unsure of what I'm going to do next. Or where I'll be, I want to be larger than life. I want to do and see as much as I can. I don't know how successful I am. It's probably really douchey that I want people to be in awe of me but it's whatever, I love who I am.

It's now almost 10. I swear I had more to write about. Damn it.

I want to talk a little bit more about what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my life, and all that I get to do, see, and experience. I'm thankful that people pay money to see me perform. I'm thankful for my friends and family. I'm thankful for the fact that people read what I write. I'm thankful for all the love and support the people in my life give me. I can't really ever thank anyone enough. I know I'm a handful sometimes but I just hope people know how much I love them.

I'm currently fighting with a friend I think. I know that I didn't text her back a few weeks ago and now she hasn't text me back. And I think it's really weird to talk about this but I think I will anyway. Actually I won't it's too weird and personal to talk about on the blog, so I'll just say this. I'm sorry we're fighting. I hope things are going well for you. I'm here whenever.

So Hamilton the musical is the greatest thing ever. Buzzfeed said I was Hamilton and that made me the happiest ever. People give buzzfeed a lot of shit but it's starting to grow on me. anyway, it made me really happy that I got Hamilton because I deeply empathize with the character. He yearns for more, for greatness. He loves his friends. He earns his greatness through his work and intelligence. He fought through hell and back to get what he had, and that's amazing to me.

Anyway, I think I should start wrapping this up, but Happy Thanksgiving, guys. Go sportsball, love your families, tip your waitresses. I love you all. <3

-Bailey S. Fox

Keep on Keeping on

I think the Arctic Monkeys song Why Do You Only Call Me When You're High? can really apply to my blog, except it's more like Why do you Only Write on me When You're Sad? But that doesn't really work rhythmically.

It's okay though, I'm not sad.

I'm pretty good right now.

I just want to write.

Look how shocked this group of white people is. Bailey has more to say than sad things!

Things have been pretty good for me lately, I saw Bo Burnham last night which was one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I really like Bo Burnham because there is this constant self-analysis that he goes through on stage. And I think I do a lot of that in my work and in my day to day existence. He said to the audience last night "If you can get through life without an audience, do it." And as no surprise to anyone here, I don't think I can. And I don't think that's a bad thing per-say. Maybe it isn't the most healthy of lives to lead but that's alright. I've always said my self-destruction and screw ups are redeemed by the total earnest way I go about it. I ruin things with the best intentions, and I give it the best chance I can. I'm the most sincere failure. Maybe I'm a fighter who can't see when he's losing or I'm so god damned stubborn I think I can hold out and win. I have a friend who always makes fun of me for my inability to cut people out of my life. I'm so bad at it, I hold on to toxic and failing relationships until I am driven to the edge of an emotional abyss and then and only then, I might push back a little bit. The real irony here is that a friendship where my friend makes fun of the way I handle shitty relationships is kind of a shitty relationship, isn't it? There's an irony there. If I were to listen to said friend's advice we probably wouldn't be friends. It's alright, I don't think they read my blog. And it's shitty but I just have to keep on keeping on.

I went to the doctors to talk about my head the other day. I'm starting counseling soon which is good. As a friend said "It's about damn time." My doctor said I wasn't the worst case he had seen, in fact I was on the better end of the scale. Though he also said that he was seeing me when I wasn't having an anxiety attack and I wasn't in a depressive state, so that might change his opinion. But it was nice to hear that I wasn't as broken of a human as I thought. Now that doesn't mean I don't have these problems, but they aren't as bad as they could be. And I just have to keep fighting. Day to day. Moment to moment. I can overcome this, I can fight back. I can remain optimistic. I've said this before and I'm saying it again, my problems, my mental illnesses no not define me. I am more than them and I can overcome them. I can keep on keeping on.

I've been called an old man a lot lately, and at first it was kinda hurtful but in retrospect I'm alright with it. I'm a little crotchety and cantankerous at times. Perhaps and maybe I've settled down. I don't know, I'm 17. I'm an old man at 17, who cares? I'm alright with it. I'll keep on keeping on.

Yesterday there were terrorist attacks in France, and usually this is a personal blog but I'm going to talk about a bigger picture for a bit here. My thoughts and prayers go out to those affected in Paris last night. What is going on is a living hell and I'm so sorry for what you have to face right now. Terrorism is an unconscionable thing. What I fear is the backlash of the attacks, people, refugees from Syria or just others trying to live their lives being blamed for the crimes of the few. Just like in America after 9/11 the stigmas that persisted of people from the middle east was awful, and that might happen again. We need to remember, and I pray, I truly pray that we do, that the only way to overcome hate is not with bigger guns, but with love. We can't go around persecuting innocent people for the crimes of radical sects. WE also need to figure out what is causing these groups of terrorists to appear, and in tandem with figuring out how to stop them, maybe we need to figure out how to keep them from happening again. France, I love you, keep on keeping on. Vive La France. <3

I think something important to remember is the fact that the world is in fact an amazing place where so many wonderful things can happen. Sometimes shit is shit, but that doesn't mean we have to let it rule our lives. I think optimism is a much better coping mechanism than pessimism or "realism" (Which I think is just pessimistic people trying to seem superior.) Because if I woke up every morning believing that everything was going to suck than I wouldn't do anything. I have to believe, I have to try and believe that things will be okay. And they are, things change, problems go away, new problems come old ones go but live is always changing, and there is something beautiful about that. Live is strange and beautiful and so full of coincidences and happenings and I find it beautiful. I do. I think that life, with all of its weirdness, its coincidences, its one in a million happenings, I think it's beautiful, even when all those things are shitty things. Because life is an organic thing. It evolves and changes and grows and I love it. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. I think the journey, the story is a beautiful one. Keep on keeping on.

I say this all the time and I will say it until people stop reading this blog. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you everyone for your love and support. You're all wonderful people and you mean the world to me, all of you. Thank you.

Keep on keeping on, everyone.

I love you.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

In defense of the Hopeless Optimist

My name is Bailey S. Fox. The S stands for Something, like in Harriet the Spy. I'm named after Fox Mulder and an alcoholic drink. I'm 17 years old and I like to write, act, and adventure. I'm a dopey kid but I don't think that's a bad thing. I've always wanted to be a knight in shinning armor. I enjoy puns and black coffee and to some that makes me the worst person and to some that makes me the best. I'm an optimist. Not all of you believe that. But that's alright. I believe all people are basically good but that doesn't mean people can't be dicks and yes there are obvious exceptions. I'm wearing a calculator watch and my hands are covered in florescent pink spray paint. Sometimes I'm depressed and sometimes I'm not. I'm not right now.

It's been a few weeks since I updated.

Sorry.

I got a new computer. Got a girlfriend. Bought a watch.

I believe the one thing that has kept me going is optimism.

Sometimes shit is shit and that's alright. I believe it will get better, at worst at least it will be different. I've spent a lot of time degrading myself and defending myself in hopes that people will like me if they think I'm someone else. I talk a lot of shit about 7th grade Bailey, but 7th grade Bailey was a good kid, maybe he wasn't always right, but he had good intentions. He loved the world just as much and I do now. He was a lot more insecure than I am, and I'm still pretty insecure. But I've embraced a lot of parts of me that 7th grade Bailey couldn't.

I'm not very masculine, and that's alright.

I'm not good at sports. That's alright.

I don't fit in. It's alright.

I'm loud and obnoxious. It's alright.

Because I found this acceptance in myself, I embraced my passions and my skills and I focused on that. I'm never going to be athletic, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with those who are.

When I bought the heart shaped sunglasses it was to piss of my parents. They hate when I buy stuff like that. They thought I looked weird. But I didn't care, I liked the sunglasses. They have become a staple. Look how badass I look in this photo.

And some people call me gay, and that's okay. I'm not sure what the shape of my sunglasses has to do with what genitalia I prefer and I'm not sure it's anyone's business where I stand.

I think there is a lot of freedom in self-indulgence. We are taught as people it is better to hate oneself because that is the only way to achieve beauty and wealth. We forego the cake and the movie for running and work. And while it's important to be healthy, I think it is equally important to indulge yourself. Because you're worth it, damn it.

I think it's important to maintain optimism. It's really easy to assume that things are shitty and that's the way it's going to stay. But I don't jive well with that. If everything is going to be shitty then what is the point of getting up. I think the only reason anyone has seen me at school this year is because I work on finding things to look forward to or at least commit to so I can't skip. I need to believe things are going to get better otherwise there is no point in anything. My father asked what I'd do if the next Star Wars movie sucked. "It's not going to dad. I haven't even considered it. Because it's very obvious everyone working on this loves what they're doing. And art is the expression of love. In some form or another."

Maybe I was a tad pretentious, but that's alright. I'm a writer, it's my job.

I want everyone to know, I'm doing much better. My depression spell broke, it broke when I found out that my school was doing High School Musical as our school show.

WILDCATS

Listen guys.

I love you. And I love being alive. I try to love everything. It's important to love as much as you can and try and be nice to those who deserve it. Especially your waitress. Tip well.

Thank you.

<3

Bailey S. Fox

Lost Plot Threads and An Emotional Examination of Andy's Hole

"Bailey if you constantly update your blog no one will care anymore. You're flooding the market of whiny teenage boy bloggers"
-someone probably

I'm currently sitting in a hotel room outside the hellscape that is Phillidephia drinking lukewarm ginger ale.  Everyone else is awake now, I was the first one up. I don't sleep much now a days. I had dinner at one in the morning, it was a lousy single serve microwave pizza I payed six god damn dollars for.

Philly is such an unfriendly city, I'm not sure what else to say about it. We came down to see my buddy Erik's favorite band Sun Kil Moon play, it was a three hour long show, standing room only. My body hurts. Luckily we head out soon, I'm on my way to the first rehearsal to the show "Crazy for You." Erik is on his way to five star urgent care, he has developed hives.

I'm not sure this post has any specific point except I felt like writing.

In addition to a bible they have the book of Mormon here, thats kinda interesting to me.

Last night was was the first of 5 live shows I'll see in the next two months so that's pretty exciting. In addition to starting work on crazy for you I also shortly (knock on wood) start work on the Glass Menagerie, the already post-poned production.

I really hate anti-phone people.

Like, I love meeting people but without my phone I'd be miserable, it keeps my company when I'm waiting for the bus or bored or what have you. I'd be so lonely without the world my phone grants me access to.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get to my point on here.

Do I even have a point?

I am at this point in my life where I kind of need to find a new direction because the oath I was on kinda got me into this emotional mess, I seem to have lost the plot.

I guess I should write a new one.

I've gotten a lot of interaction on Tinder here in Philly though, more than anywhere else I have been.

Yes I have a Tinder.

It's one of those things I know in the future will be embarrassing but the fact that I'm leaving in 8 months and won't have to live with the embarrassment here is a help. And also in this time of lost plotless wandering its nice to allow myself to indulge in this. Maybe something cool will come out of it.

Probably not, but maybe.

Maybe.

My friend said something really profound that I will paraphrase here:

"I've only seen like the first seasonish of parks and rec, and right now Andy is living in a hole outside his ex girlfriend's house, and that's where I am now. Right now I'm obsessed with a guy who isn't right for me and that's okay, people do that, but someday I'll meet my avril. What? Her name is April? I told you I've only seen some of it, anyway. Soon I'll meet the person that makes all the time I wasted on other people okay because that time made me into the person I am that can be with the April of my life. So I will live in that hole, and some day I will climb out, but this is where I am. I'll work to get myself out, but I don't think there is shame in being in the hole."

And I guess that's where I am now. Though I'm not obsessed with anyone right now. I'm just in an emotional hole, and someday I'll climb out.

Thanks for reading
<3

Bailey S. Fox