In the words of my chemistry teacher: "No one is ready to grow up, I'm not even ready to grow up!" she's 26.
Growing up has been a thing that has fascinated me my entire life. The dreams of having a job and a car often took up space in my mind where math or science should have been. On Thursday I got my learner's permit. Something I have always dreamed of, driving, is now with in my reach. I have had nightmares about it six different times. I have two jobs, I work at a library and I sell hotdogs at a winery. I enjoy both jobs a great deal. They aren't what I plan on doing for the rest of my life but I do enjoy them a great deal. As most have you know or have gathered I want to be a writer/actor. I know that's shooting the moon. I mean, how many famous movies stars do you personally know? How many famous writers do you know? Exactly, most of the people you know are like teachers or bankers or whatever real adults do. I am very painfully aware of my chances of making it. And honest to god it scares me, knowing I might not be able to do what I love for a living. But that makes me want to try harder. I have every intention of writing and acting for movies and Tv. I want to go to NYU for acting and writing, and that school is really expensive and hard to get into.
But this isn't a blog post about me bellyaching about my dreams and desires this is a blog post about growing up.
What scares me the most about growing up is the amount of adults I see that really are just miserable. They have jobs they hate with people they hate. Dreams unfulfilled and just generally dissatisfied. I never want to be like that. I don't want to live in a world where eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets 3 nights a week is unacceptable. Or where I have to kiss up to a certain guy just to get ahead in a job that I hate. I don't want to live with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. I don't want to be surrounded by people I hate. I want to be happy with my life. I want to die knowing I did what I wanted to and was around people I love. And so often I see cases where that isn't true. That's what makes me afraid about growing up. That being an adult means having to live in a less "magical" world. Where the only way to survive is to be grouchy and pessimistic. Where being optimistic and taking chances is considered dumb . I don't want to be punished for my enthusiasm for life. I don't want to have to give up the "childish" thing that make life worth living. I don't think that adults should be shamed for liking cartoons still. I don't think they should be punished for wanting to do things they enjoyed as kids. I think they have to be mature. But I don't think growing up means you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the things you do as a kid. Be it Star Wars, Spider-Man, Adventure Time, anything really. I shouldn't be punished for day dreaming and wanting to be a writer/actor. It doesn't make my dream any less "real" than the kid who wants to build bridges or the kid who wants to be a banker, farmer, lawyer or construction worker.
When I was a kid sometimes I'd get so anxious and worried about the time I'd be "too old" to enjoy cartoons and toys. I thought there was an age where I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob. I think that the notion that growing up has to be a bad thing is what causes this unneeded fear in teens and kids.
On that note there are a lot of things I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook. I don't know what 401K means. I don't know how to drive a car yet. I don't know how to use the bank. Not knowing all these things scares me, because in less than two years I'll be expected to go into the world and be a self-reliant adult who takes care of himself. That thought scares me.
I'm not ready to give up the things like Nerf guns or Legos. I'm not ready to stop playing Pokemon.
I don't want to have a desk job.
I don't want to have a job I hate.
And if that means I'll never "be an adult" than I guess I'll deal with that down the road
I have a few more years until I have to worry about that.
I love you all <3
Bailey S. Fox
Growing up has been a thing that has fascinated me my entire life. The dreams of having a job and a car often took up space in my mind where math or science should have been. On Thursday I got my learner's permit. Something I have always dreamed of, driving, is now with in my reach. I have had nightmares about it six different times. I have two jobs, I work at a library and I sell hotdogs at a winery. I enjoy both jobs a great deal. They aren't what I plan on doing for the rest of my life but I do enjoy them a great deal. As most have you know or have gathered I want to be a writer/actor. I know that's shooting the moon. I mean, how many famous movies stars do you personally know? How many famous writers do you know? Exactly, most of the people you know are like teachers or bankers or whatever real adults do. I am very painfully aware of my chances of making it. And honest to god it scares me, knowing I might not be able to do what I love for a living. But that makes me want to try harder. I have every intention of writing and acting for movies and Tv. I want to go to NYU for acting and writing, and that school is really expensive and hard to get into.
But this isn't a blog post about me bellyaching about my dreams and desires this is a blog post about growing up.
What scares me the most about growing up is the amount of adults I see that really are just miserable. They have jobs they hate with people they hate. Dreams unfulfilled and just generally dissatisfied. I never want to be like that. I don't want to live in a world where eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets 3 nights a week is unacceptable. Or where I have to kiss up to a certain guy just to get ahead in a job that I hate. I don't want to live with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. I don't want to be surrounded by people I hate. I want to be happy with my life. I want to die knowing I did what I wanted to and was around people I love. And so often I see cases where that isn't true. That's what makes me afraid about growing up. That being an adult means having to live in a less "magical" world. Where the only way to survive is to be grouchy and pessimistic. Where being optimistic and taking chances is considered dumb . I don't want to be punished for my enthusiasm for life. I don't want to have to give up the "childish" thing that make life worth living. I don't think that adults should be shamed for liking cartoons still. I don't think they should be punished for wanting to do things they enjoyed as kids. I think they have to be mature. But I don't think growing up means you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the things you do as a kid. Be it Star Wars, Spider-Man, Adventure Time, anything really. I shouldn't be punished for day dreaming and wanting to be a writer/actor. It doesn't make my dream any less "real" than the kid who wants to build bridges or the kid who wants to be a banker, farmer, lawyer or construction worker.
When I was a kid sometimes I'd get so anxious and worried about the time I'd be "too old" to enjoy cartoons and toys. I thought there was an age where I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob. I think that the notion that growing up has to be a bad thing is what causes this unneeded fear in teens and kids.
On that note there are a lot of things I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook. I don't know what 401K means. I don't know how to drive a car yet. I don't know how to use the bank. Not knowing all these things scares me, because in less than two years I'll be expected to go into the world and be a self-reliant adult who takes care of himself. That thought scares me.
I'm not ready to give up the things like Nerf guns or Legos. I'm not ready to stop playing Pokemon.
I don't want to have a desk job.
I don't want to have a job I hate.
And if that means I'll never "be an adult" than I guess I'll deal with that down the road
I have a few more years until I have to worry about that.
I love you all <3
Bailey S. Fox
I agree..growing up is vastly overrated. As I told your cousin Sarah, ""NEVER stop skipping" I don't think she has and I hope you don't either. No one on their deathbed ever said they'd wished they had spent more time at the office. Follow your muse.
ReplyDeleteYou reminded me of the things I don't want to think about. How I'm going to do in the future. I think it scares me too. I really don't know what to say, you just reminded me of my fears. And that's making me at a loss for words. What's the cure for my fears, Bailey? I don't know. I found your blog off of Reddit, where I was looking for a critique partner because I started writing again, a blog. Almost like yours, it's nice to know that I'm not alone or the only one doing this. Keep this up Bailey, it is really great to hear about you , gives hope. Long time ago, I used to run the teen writers critique forum where we used to make each other's writings better line by line but it died down eventually. So I guess I was searching for a replacement on Reddit and found your blog. You write well . You make me nod in agreement in a lotta things. Keep writing, must be great to soothe or make others think. Thinking is exactly what you've made me decide to do. Might as well be prepared and scared than just scared. Oh and for your writers block you might want to check out Julia Cameron's the artist way. Last thing, I love doctor who too. Anything you need just reply and let me know. Anything at all. If you're interested in giving feedback , let me know. I'm looking for it, or receiving feedback too. Sorry if this is too long.
ReplyDeleteHey, it was great hearing your feedback. If you ever want to talk shoot me an email at bailey.f98@gmail.com.
ReplyDelete