The Man in the Mirror

So before I get to the meaty emotional part of the blog I want to address a few things.

Yes, Michael Jackson references are cliche but who really cares?

Yes I know the blog posts have been erratically placed and not as deep as usual and far apart and I'm sorry.

Finally "Shake it Off" By Taylor Swift is probably the single greatest song to have ever existed and if you don't think so then you're wrong.

Now, to the good stuff.

I've mentioned my issues with self loathing before but I'm gonna address a slightly different part and I'm gonna talk about how I see myself.

I like to imagine myself as kinda like a cowboy or a lone knight wandering, fighting the world, fighting injustice and the man. Like Han Solo or something. Always delivering snappy one-liners and being really cool and smart and callous on the outside but caring deep down. I want to imagine that I'm very scholarly but in like an Indiana jones way, basically I want to be the characters Harrison Ford portrays.

Now I know I'm not, but that's the problem, I know I'm not. I know, or I think all I am in the end is an out of shape geeky kid with a superiority complex and an ego fit for three.

There are people I want to talk to and people I want to have friendships with or date or whatever, but I'm so convinced and scared that I'm just this annoying kid who no one likes and then I sabotage myself by over compensating and being rude and egotistical and pretentious. And as time has gone on it's gotten worse, I feel myself making the transition from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader, becoming more bitter and more comfortable with it. And part of me doesn't like it, I don't like how I'm becoming more bitter, I'm usually pretty happy but it's just been seeming more inconvenient not to be grouchy and crotchety. I want to be in a good mood and adventure all the time but between work and school I don't really have that luxury.

I am a person of extremes, in my head I believe either someone loves me or they hate me and if I talk to them too much they're going to end up hating me. I'm going to push someone away and give them reason not to like me, and I need to stop thinking like that because the cruel irony is that is what makes people not like me.

I'm really hard on myself and I need to stop being, because while I might not be a perfect human being or an action hero I am me, and I'm a decent guy. I'm a decent writer with good friends and a bright future, I'm funny sometimes, I'm good in school and I am a good person with good intentions most of the time. I love me and I am good enough.


One of the things I think a lot of people miss about the millennials is that they've grown up in a hyper connected world, they know they're not alone. They're learning how it's okay to be a dude who likes dudes, or a girl that wants to dress like a guy and they know it's okay for boys to wear "women's" clothing and not have it define them in anyway other than they have a sweet ass dress on and they can pull it off. We grow up in this world where depression is a normal thing not because it's spreading and it's more prevalent but it's okay to have and to be public about. Having anxiety or a mental disorder isn't shameful and shouldn't be hidden. Because we're all these beautiful unique creatures who can't be, and shouldn't be ashamed of who they are, what they like and how they define themselves.  

And you, you beautiful blog reader you, you need to be kinder to yourself. You're a wonderful beautiful human being who is full of life and potential, don't go pissing that away with bitterness and anger. You deserve to be happy and you deserve not to hate yourself. You deserve to chase the dreams you have and buy that one thing you don't need but it'd be totally awesome to own. You are cool enough to talk to that person you're afraid to and you shouldn't let anyone else, especially you tell you otherwise.You should do what makes you happy and talk about it with as many people who will listen. Love life and love the world and go out and experience it, damn it. Love yourself, love life, love who you are and what you do.

As always you can message me on Facebook or on Tumblr or email me.

You should also check out The Honest Beauty Project which is a super awesome thing being put on my a good friend of mine, you should all go check it out.

As always thank you for reading, I love you all dearly. <3

Bailey S. Fox