Who is Bailey S. Fox?

First off his real, my real name, is Bailey Fox Olmstead, but I've always felt Bailey S. Fox sounded more writer-y.

I've probably been a lousy writer as of late, rarely delving into writing a work of fiction and sticking to mostly satirical Facebook posts and the spirratic blog posting. And while I have several projects in pre-pre-production, I want everyone to know my love for writing is still burning. And while I'm still fresh off of two shows, exercising my love of acting and my supposed hatred of playing an American 17 year old, I've been doing a lot of self reflection.

Who is Bailey Olmstead?

Well, I suppose it depends on who you ask, if you're asking me it depends on when you ask. I'm hesitant to fully talk about myself in such a way, for a while my self loathing defined me, I was always ready with some self-deprecating jokes and bitterness and a weird neediness for others love, as I've learned to love myself that has lost its hold on a defining characteristic. A lot of people would go with vain or egotistical and I wholeheartedly endorse those labels, because I don't see them as bad, or negative. The radical swing I have made from self loathing into full blown narcissism, vanity, and ego has been a blissful one, because I find much more satisfaction in people liking my selfies than a status in where I complain about how lonely I am.

Sometimes I say I'm a writer and an actor, but seeing as I have never been paid for either of those occupations, I'm hesitant in defining myself by them. And the fact that I haven't been paid for them worries me, I plan on making a living off of writing and acting and the fact that I haven't begun to figure that out now seems like a foreboding prospect. (All people looking to hire me please contact me in the comments or by email at bailey.f98@gmail.com)

Angst and general rebellion seem to be a defining characteristic of the Olmstead family, manifesting itself in a numerous amount of ways, we all seem to be stuck in the mindset of wearing a leather jacket to piss off our vegan parents, or wearing a pleather jacket to piss off my "hardcore" father if you're in my situation. I'd say I'm a fairly angst filled person, but not necessarily pessimistic, I'm idealistic and optimistic yet full of a bizarre angst, it's an interesting juxtaposition.

Depending on who you ask people's opinions of my maturity change, some think I'm mature beyond my years or have the maturity capacity of a 3 year old. I enjoy nerf guns and cartoons and I'm wearing a Guardians of the galaxy t-shirt and an hour ago I built a race car with legos. And sometimes people take my sarcastic, somewhat bombastic nature as a sign of a lack of maturity, my excitement for toys and my love of things akin does not mean I am of little maturity. And while my impending venture into the so called "real world" fills me with dread and anxiety, I believe I am mature enough and more than ready to handle it.

I'm not going to spend this whole time writing paragraphs about small fixtures of who I am, because now I'm going to get to the point. I am many things I'm kind of a dick but also a really nice and outgoing guy. I'm introverted but I love people and performing and endless attention. I'm mature yet I will fight you with a foam sword. I'm starting to sound like a god damned tumblr post, the whole point is that I am many things, I am some sort of hodgepodge conglomeration of contradictions in a devilishly handsome 17 year old's body. And that's okay. I'm vain and narcissistic and egotistical but I love other people and I want others to be happy and I want to make others happy. I genuinely believe I am a good person, despite my grouchy attitude and "serial dating" I believe a great many things, and I believe I, Bailey S. Fox, 17 year old, writer, actor, narcissist, adventurer, rejector of gender roles and idolizer of Indiana Jones and Han Solo, trouble maker, teacher, student, adult, child, best and worst person you will ever meet, I believe I am a good person. I am a lot of things, and I love all of those things, I am a knight in shining armor who will slay the dragon and save the princess. I love and I joke and I run around and I adventure and I take people along for the ride and I leave people behind and I am an eloquent speaker and also terrible at talking to people, I am a charming young man and a horribly awkward mess. I love me, I love you, I love life and I'm god damned excited to be here.

Love,

Bailey S. Fox

On Coming Home

It's 4:30 AM and I'm sitting in a Costa Rican airport waiting to board my flight in an hour using the airport's free wifi to write this blog post. I've spent the last nine days here in Costa Rica, the longest and farthest I've been away from home and my family. It's been an incredible experience, I've done so many things I never even dreamed of. I rode a zip line that was nearly a mile long, hiked through The Rain Forrest, eaten my weight in rice and beans, seen a volcano, and had an absolutely life changing and wonderful time, but it's time to come home.

Seeing as I've been gone for over a week I've been thinking about what home means. It's never been much of a secret I've never felt like Newfield was the perfect fit for me, and while the town is preferable to some of the alternatives, I've known for quite some time that this place and I wold always be at odds. Yet, as I sit here I find myself longing to return. Return to the lousy weather, the chores, the work, to school, everything that encompasses being home in Newfield. I miss my friends and the time I spent with them and talking to them, I miss my family, who I probably didn't call enough or talk to enough in my globe trotting adventures.

I missed my mother's birthday in my adventures, March 28th, eight days after mine. She was instrumental in getting me to Costa Rica, without her I couldn't have come here, and I cannot adequately express my gratitude for everything she has helped with and done for me. Hopefully she appreciates how much I've missed her and appreciate her and everything she has done to get me to Costa Rica.

So, now that I've been away for so long, I've really thought about what home is and what it means to me. I believe it can mean a lot of things and be them as well. Most importantly it's an idea, it's a feeling, a sense of security and like you belong. This feeling can manifest itself in any number of ways, in people, in places, in foods, smells, in the pixels on a screen, in between pages of a book, home can be anywhere, anything, that gives you the feelings of safety and belonging. You don't have to confine home to one place or person or one thing, as much as it pains me, Newfield is my home, it's where I'm from, I cut my teeth in these muddy back roads and dimly lit hallways. I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think I am superior to them for my feelings towards Newfield. This isn't a big fish in a little pond situation, this is my feeling at odds with a town. But Newfield isn't the only home I have, I have a home on the stage, I have a home with my friends, I have a home with my family, I have a home in The office at the Just Because Center, At the Storm Drain down the road from my house, I have a home at the library. I have a home in the pages of the books I read, I have a home in the words I put in this blog, I have a home in the clothes that I wear,  I have a home in my head, I have a home in the practice room at school, I have a home on social media, I will someday have a home that may be far away from Newfield, but that doesn't mean Newfield isn't my home.. And as shallow, superficial and lame as some of these may sound, these are the places and people that I feel at home with. Home can be whatever you make it, it can be the carpet underneath your feet, within the notes of a song, it can be in the presence of people or alone in your room. Home is a source of happiness, a place to be you. Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that is loved by you.

I plan on traveling much more, as much as I can, but I will always wander my way back home. Whether it be the home I find in my blog or in the pages of a book, a home I find in people, a home I find in my bed, whatever it is, I will always come home.

As always thank you all so much for reading, I love you all dearly.

<3

Bailey S. Fox